"It's always darkest before dawn."
I have these little sayings in my brain that have been with me through the years. I keep repeating them to myself when thoughts of stress try to creep into my daily life. It also helps to keep my blood pressure Down.
It's been a long night. Thirty some years, and the push has become more insistent as my goals reach closer. Even as close as my main goal is now, to begin gender affirming hormone therapy, just a matter of weeks -somehow it feels so far away.
I know it's just my anxiety playing tricks on me. But there are real concerns I'm dealing with. I'm dealing with gatekeeping at the only Informed consent clinic available to me. Informed Consent is my only option, and I feel it is a good one. I should have had my lab work done by now, but an inexperienced, and less than professional provider has my goal put on hold.
I'm hoping that the only other provider available will be competent.
I've heard stories of people who are struggling hard. Many who endure the worst of humanity. When I start feeling sorry for myself, I have to step aside and truly see my place in the world. That perspective puts me back in the place of mind where I ought to be. Remembering when things get hard, to never give up because those who are fighting a harder battle do so because it is from their need to better themselves.
Then I remember how that is the whole point of life really in a way. I'm stubborn, I'm not entitled. I need to work for it, harder and harder. That's just the way it is, on my path -and just like many many others out there.
Support is my light before the dawn.
I don't get much online time to interact, but just being able to share here is my home, with all of you my family. Sorry for the sentimental tones, but I mean it from my heart.
