Today at work I had the pleasure of dining with a co-worker who is quite outspoken about LGBT's and not in a flattering way. I get the impression that his views are based on ignorance rather than malice. I choose to not be offended by him, though I find myself listening to him and rolling my eyes a bit at his antics. I am even on friendly terms with him. The idea though, that probably within the next 12 months I will have to go into his office and explain to him that I am indeed transgender isn't one that I relish. Maybe it will be different for him if it is someone he knows and talks with often. Like on many issues, we are on the same page...I mean for one, I get how a cis-person wouldn't understand being trans...I am struggling to understand it all myself. I kinda think that he feels like there is some "leftist" agenda that is being forced down his throat. To some degree, I agree with him (though, I am not sure I would say it is a leftist agenda).
There seems to be this whole idea that there is a right and wrong way to think and that if you don't agree with the right way of thinking that you are just a waste of space. That I think is where he has a problem. For whatever reason, he is homo/trans-phobic. Maybe its religious, maybe he feels threatened or maybe it hits too close to home with secrets he keeps himself. Regardless of why, he has that right and I respect it. I feel like for me to make demands on the way he interacts with the world is wrong. My freedom ends where his begins.
I would hope that when I start looking female at work and go full-time that he continues to see me the human vs. me the trans-woman and treat me accordingly. I think if he continues to see me as a human, common courtesy will win out, which is to say if he knows I want to be referred to a certain way that he would accommodate that. And if he doesn't, so long as he isn't being openly hostile I wouldn't press the issue. I think that when I come out to him, it will be a really good opportunity to explain everything from a trans person's perspective...to help him see past any pre-conceived notions that he seems to have. I am not sure that he knows that being gay/trans isn't really a choice. Indeed, if I had the choice, I would opt not to be trans but to have been born female. If at the end of everything he chooses to hold me in disdain and not accept my gender identity, then at least I know where I stand with him and how to act. I'm there to earn a living, not socialize and as long as my living isn't put in jeopardy, such is life.
So with this person at least I know what I am facing. How many other people are there at work that feel like he does, but that censor their speech because it isn't politically correct? I'd rather them speak their minds and out themselves as the closed-minded people that they are. If things come to a head with anyone, when all is said and done, I think HR will be on my side based on their posted policies.
I am sure many of you will have really strong opinions on what I have said above. I invite any and all to impart their perspectives. I would ask that if you do, to do it in a courteous manner and that there is always the option of agreeing to disagree rather than having a discussion devolve into something nasty.
Thanks,
Julie
