For the purpose of this site, you can call me Anima. I prefer female pronouns, but never really cared what anyone called me. I'm joining this community today because I feel trapped. I'm a young transwoman who only realized this about 7 months ago. It was at once incredibly banal and utterly freeing. I accepted it immediately. Throughout my life I've crossdressed a number of times, but always wrote off any relief as simple fun, my friends chuckling at the ridiculousness of their certainly male friend looking so feminine. I laughed along, which I regret now.I regret more the fact that it's taken me so long to accept the relief, only letting myself feel it through a pursuit of androgyny rather than femininity. I came out to my partner of 3.5 years about 3 months ago. She hasn't taken it well, what with her heterosexuality and abandonment issues. It hurts all the more because while I do love her, I know every second I spend putting off the end of our relationship only serves to hurt us. She's responded to my feelings by saying things like, "It could just be a phase." "Maybe all you need is to crossdress." "Can't you just try and be more masculine?" But it's not, I need more, and that last one is an outright ridiculous statement. She surprised me. I knew it would be difficult for her to accept, but I never thought she'd start parroting right wing talking points. And I can't help but feel like it's all my fault. So I've come here to shed some grief, regret, and guilt (and maybe get some tips, I'm kind of flying blind here). Thanks for reading. Much love.
