Just checking in, thought I'd introduce myself.
I'm a 24-year-old lesbian woman of transsexual experience. I've been living as myself and in medical treatment for just over five years. Surgery-wise, I'm non-op when it comes to genitalia, but I'd definitely like to pursue FFS if, hypothetically, I could ever afford it (which certainly won't be happening anytime soon, if ever, so it's kinda moot). In a nutshell, I just conceptualize myself and prefer to be perceived as just another woman; I don't directly identify as "trans" as anything more than a medical descriptor of sorts. I suppose the concept of "stealth" applies to me in a sense, as I only disclose my status when absolutely pertinent/necessary (so, just to medical providers and other such people more-or-less).
I'm also a writer, and my main passion is literature. Some other miscellaneous things about me of note: I unfortunately live with several fairly debilitating psychological/psychiatric disabilities, I'm a very childlike woman in many ways (womanchild? though that sounds very disparaging), have a distinctly childlike side to my personality, various quirky intellectual interests, and am highly opinionated and hold what seem like rather idiosyncratic views regarding gender, sexuality, etc., influenced by my own narrative around those topics. I'd essentially describe myself as a "cultural/difference feminist" of a certain stripe as far as that stuff goes.
I'm an extremely reclusive (at this time, at least) and introverted girl with an intense personality. Femininity as I conceptualize it is a cornerstone of my personal identity, and I strive for elegance, dignity and greater modesty and grace in my interactions and manifestations. I'm highly emotionally sensitive, On the sillier side, I can be loquacious (to put it kindly, haha) and I'm too fond of adverbs!
I've been extremely alienated in general (which sadly kind of comes with the territory of struggling with mental illness), and especially from trans communities and such for the past few years. I'm deciding to reach out and reconnect a bit more now mainly because, honestly, I've realized that I've developed a really unhealthy relationship to this aspect of myself because of everything I've internalized. This nasty public backlash against us that has been unfolding recently with increased visibility is concerning and frightening and has left me anxiously rattled--I feel more unsafe now with this than I did a decade ago, believe it or not. It's extremely isolating and lonely, I feel, to be both transsexual and lesbian, especially since I'm not overtly visible as either (I hope, and believe) and keep disclosures discreet. So it'd be nice to chat with other women who get it.
I hope that might help me feel better; at present I'm relatively jaded and self-loathing about trans-related matters.
I also have quite a bit of HRT-related knowledge that I like to share with other women whenever helpful. I've had to learn a number of things the hard way with respect to that, have kind of been put through the ringer, and am still learning how to best manage it. I try to keep abreast (pun fully intended!
) of medical developments in that area to a certain extent.
Anyway, nice to make your acquaintance!
curtsies shyly
