Quote from: Sonja on March 01, 2018, 06:12:42 PMDid this make you feel a little sad is some way?
No. I don't miss that person I never was.
One of the unexpected consequences of transitioning I've encountered is a change in the intensity of negativity associated with my birth name. I always hated my birth name; but now, I sometimes have real trouble even speaking it. Sometimes when I see it used -- on mail, for example -- it is jarring.
After I got my name changed, I went to the post office (where I get all my mail) to tell them. Although I had already been receiving mail under both names for awhile, I assumed they would want the legal name of the person responsible for the PO Box on their records. But the person at the window seemed puzzled I would even bring the matter up; they seemed to think that, so long as both names were on the Box, nothing needed to be changed.
I couldn't believe this; so, some days later, I went back and spoke to a different window person. I got the same response. So I put the matter aside.
Today, I got my renewal notice; time to pay for my Box again. On the label, it said, "Customer: [deadname]." This was really upsetting. I didn't go to pieces or anything; but I couldn't get the matter out of my mind. I left, took care of some stuff I needed to do, all the time thinking about this. Finally, I decided I needed to talk to the Postmaster. I went back, took a copy of the court order changing my name, and asked to see the Postmaster. When she came out, I explained that my name had changed and I had thought they would want to change the name of the person responsible for the Box -- and she concurred! Also, as I am now full-time and don't pass, I was obviously transgender; and, although we didn't discuss it, she indicated that she understood the issue my name has for me.
The problem was taken care of.
As I was turning to go, she said, "Thank you, Ann." I smiled and turned my face away; I was so pleased. I feel like crying just thinking about it.
So, it's surprising how important this has become, and how odious my birth name has become to me. I always hated it, but it wasn't like this. I've heard other girls mention an increase in dysphoria after coming out to themselves. I doubt it's an increase; I think it's more like a change in how it manifests.
