1.) Am I the only one that doesn't want to have a small packer?
- I'm sure you're not, but I do want a small packer, if any. I do pack, but reluctantly and only when I'm outside somewhere social. I don't like it, but I feel even worse if I don't. I just need somewhat of a (small) bulge until I can get metoidioplasty. As I don't know if my package post-op will give me much of any bulge at all, this is a big reason for why I pack small now. Even if my package post-op will be too small to show any bulge at all, that won't matter to me, cause then I will have what I'm trying to simulate now, whether it will show or not, if that makes sense.
2.) Since you can choose your size, why did you choose to be the size you are currently?
- I felt uncomfortable with bigger, and smaller has always been easier for me to handle, both mentally and keeping it from not doing something it's not supposed to (like falling out of my pants, or not sitting right, for example).
3.) Do you WANT a larger size or a smaller packer?
- I want a smaller one. I'm not very short or very thin, as I'm 5'6" and average/medium with a weight of 135-ish pounds, so it's really only psychological that I just feel iffy with a bigger packer. I'm caucasian, but don't take my race into account.
3.) If you were born cis, would you have wanted a larger cock when erect, or a smaller one?
- I'd say kind of medium/average when erect (around 4-5 inch), and smaller when flaccid (around 3-4 inch). Well the inches are approximate cause I'm much more used to the metric system. So more exactly I mean around 10-12 cm hard and obviously smaller flaccid but how much wouldn't matter much to me. But long enough to stp, probably. For me "smaller" means quite close to average or slightly shorter. I'd also prefer if it was a bit thinner/less girthy.
4.) Do you still feel "manly" having a small packer if that's the size you've chosen? (I know size doesn't matter in relation to how manly someone is, but I'm curious.)
- Yeah that has nothing to do with dick size for me, as long as I have something there. I feel manly when I've just groomed my beard, or if my voice is a bit deeper than usually, when I'm handling drama/chaos very chill, when I can protect and be there for a friend in need, or when I can drink large amounts of alcohol and still stand on my feet, etc.
5.) If you have a pack and play, did you choose it for size or function?
- I don't. The thought has only briefly passed through my mind on occasion, out of curiosity. For sex I always just use my own anatomy, and I've never really been into the idea of penetrating a partner. It bothers, and honestly also saddens, me that I wouldn't be able to feel a partner if I used a play-packer, compared to if it was my real dick if I had one. I worry that I'd get very disappointed by the experience. If I would want to try it though, I would choose such a packer for function over size. Like one that could stimulate my external parts as well, or something. I would not choose one that goes into the front hole on me though, cause I don't like that.
6.) If you could, would you choose a smaller or larger play packer?
- In that rather (but not entirely) unlikely scenario, I would let my partner decide the size, as long as it's reasonable. The size of such a device wouldn't really matter for me, as I wouldn't be able to see it as a part of me, but simply as a temporary tool. As I'm having meta, I know I'm really unlikely to be able to penetrate with my own dick post-op (not a lot happening in the length department there), so I'd consider using a strap-on of some sort in a far distant future as well as a nearer one, then.
Additionally, I know I really don't care about the size of my partners' dicks (I'm gay) but I tend to actually prefer smaller. Cause to be really blunt about it: small dicks are a lot less likely to hurt in me or choke me. Sorry if I'm tmi. But my point is that big dicks really isn't better than small ones for me, but actually the other way around, and I think that affects my ideal for my own body as well. But then if a partner of mine would ask for an 8 inch, I also wouldn't protest if that's what he'd know he likes. I'm single now and quite rarely hook up these days, so that's highly hypothetical though, but some gay guys really can be "size queens" (although I do think most aren't).
I do have a lot of dysphoria about my parts, but I keep ignoring that and using them for sex anyway, cause my sex drive is so extremely high I literally can't keep a leash on myself. It's bordering to being self destructive, cause I step over my own boundaries. If I don't, I'm dissatisfied, beyond sexually frustrated and out of control - if I cross my own boundaries, I get sexually satisfied but my dysphoria spirals out of control and nearly crushes me. So, as that is a lose-lose situation... I keep altering between the two and hope it won't break me completely before my SRS. And I'm simply counting on that I will still struggle with getting my sex life in somewhat order after surgery has healed up and all as well, but I know in my heart it's the right decision and will be better for me in the long run. Just not without a fight first. Dick size is probably the least of my worries though.