It looks like this has been the week for family drama. First I met a new brother and then my mom emailed those pictures. Tonight my uncle came over even though my dad had told him he isn't welcome at our house any more. My dad asked him why he was here and he said he had something really important to tell us. So my dad let him in and told him to make it quick. His big news is that his wife is pregnant. That's about the worst news I can think of. If that child is a boy and he isn't everything my uncle thinks a boy should be he will have a horrible life! I hate to even think about it. My dad told him congratulations but it didn't change anything. So then he hands me an envelope with my name on it. I asked him what it was and he told me to open it. It was an invitation to his wife's baby shower. I reminded him that his wife hadn't wanted me at their wedding so I was pretty sure she wouldn't want me at her baby shower. He said no, that she did want me there. I told him that a baby shower was supposed to be a surprise and he said that she knew about it and that she did want me to come. I didn't say anything and he asked me if I would come. I told him of course I wouldn't come. I reminded him that the last time I had seen his wife she kept calling me "he" and "him" which had caused she and Tyler to get into a big fight. He said he remembered but that she was really sorry about that. Then he said " so you're going to come, right?" I told him absolutely not! He asked why not and I told him that knowing how his wife felt about trans people, the only possible reason I could imagine for her wanting me at her shower was as entertainment for her friends and that I was no ones freakshow. He said that wasn't it at all and that she was really sorry about how she had treated me. I told him if she was so sorry then why hadn't she told me that herself. I told him there was totally no chance I would be attending her shower. So then my dad told him if that was all he could leave.
So then my uncle asked him if he was still going to say he wasn't welcome at our house after he had just told him he was expecting a kid. My dad told him yes he was. My uncle asked him how he could be like that and my dad told him he had burned all his bridges with him and he was out of chances. My uncle told him that that wasn't right. He told him what wasn't right was the way he had treated Tyler and I and that he wouldn't tolerate it any more. So then he looked at me and said " Julia, I'm truly sorry." I just looked at him and he said " oh, so you won't forgive me? I guess you and your dad both like grudges ". I told him it wasn't a grudge. I told him I absolutely despise him and can't even stand the site of him and that I would be happy if I never laid eyes on him again for the rest of my life. Then I told him the most humane and compassionate thing he could do was for he and his wife to put that baby up for adoption so it could be raised by loving parents and have a chance at a happy life. He told me that was a horrible thing to say and I told him it was the honest truth. He told my dad that he was his brother and asked him if he really meant to cut him out of his life because he and I had had some problems. My dad told him yes he did. He told him he had hurt me and hurt Tyler too many times for him to let it slide and that hurting his kids was worse than hurting him and that he would understand that after he had a child. Then he said at least he really hoped he would. My uncle left saying how messed up all this was and that he couldn't believe my dad could be that cold to his own brother.
My uncle has done awful stuff, usually directed at me. He's been banned from our house before and he appologizes and acts like a human being for a month or two and then goes right back to being the huge ->-bleeped-<- he has always been. My dad just finally had enough of it. What I said to him was awful I know but he has said and done awful things to me. My grandpa was never happy about me being so feminine but my uncle was much worse. He was just evil about it. That's the only word that really fits. He constantly made fun of me for everything. The way I talked, the way I moved, even the way I ate and wiped my mouth! He called me sissy, pussy, little homo and even ->-bleeped-<-. Of course being the coward he is he always made sure not to say that stuff in front of my dad. He was constantly telling my dad he needed to do something about me. We aren't even religious but he told my dad he should send me to a conversion camp. He said maybe they could "fix" me. Then another time he actually suggested my dad have electro shock therapy done on me. He suggested many times that my dad have me put on testosterone and growth hormones. Another time he brought brochures from a military school and pleaded with my dad to send me there and even offered to pay half the tuition. My dad asked him what he thought military school would do to me and he said it would make a man out of me. My dad told him no, that it would most likely destroy me emotionally. My uncle said that would be a helpful thing because I was way too emotional anyway! And he went nuts when I started wearing makeup! He asked my dad why he allowed me to wear makeup and my dad told him because I wanted to wear it and that I would wear it even if he told me I couldn't. His response was to tell my dad he had to make me stop wanting to wear it. When my dad asked him how he was supposed to do that he told him that everytime he saw me wearing make up to get a belt and beat the crap out of me. At that time everyone assumed I was gay. My dad told him being gay wasn't something you could beat out of a child. My uncle said it couldn't hurt to try! Then he told my dad the fact he didn't believe in spanking his kids and that he had never spanked Tyler and I was going to make us both pussies. And he made other "helpful" suggestions like telling my dad he needed to go through my room and throw away all my teddy bears and all the other "gay" stuff he found. Including throwing out all my clothes and making me wear strictly boy clothes. Forcing me to do some kind of sports in school. Forcing me to watch football and other sports and making me learn about them. Holding me down and cutting my hair. All kinds of "helpful" tips to "De-gay" me.
And I hate him as much for the stuff he did to Tyler as everything he did to me. He and Tyler were pretty close and Tyler really loved him until he was about 12 years old. He started trying to get Tyler to do mean things to me and when Tyler refused he started calling him a pussy and telling him he hoped he wasn't turning gay too. Once Tyler and I had an argument and Tyler was really mad and he hit the back of the sofa. My uncle told him not to hit the sofa, if he was pissed at me he should hit me because that's what men did. Another time Tyler had been in a fight protecting me from this guy at school. My uncle noticed his messed up knuckles and asked him who he beat up and why. When he told him he had hit someone for messing with me he told Tyler he shouldn't ever do that and that he needed to stop protecting me all the time. Tyler told him he couldn't because I was smaller than most boys at school and I didn't know how to fight. My uncle actually told him to let me get the crap beat out of me and eventually I would learn to fight! Another time Tyler had me pinned on the floor and was tickling me. My uncle told him there was no tickling in wrestling and that he needed to grab my arm and twist it behind my back or grab my leg and bend it backwards or get me in a chokehold. Tyler said he was just playing with me and he didn't want to hurt me. My uncle told him it was ok to hurt me a little and that's how men played. Then he told Tyler to twist my arm behind my back. Tyler said no he wasn't doing that because it would hurt me. My uncle told him he couldn't believe he was afraid of hurting me and that he was turning into a little pussy like me. Can you imagine having your own uncle say something like that to you when you're just 14 years old? He also tried to talk Tyler into playing "jokes" on me such as destroying my teddy bears or getting my dad's clippers and holding me down and shaving off my hair. My uncle absolutely HATED my long hair. Tyler told him that kind of stuff wasn't a joke and that it was really awful. He told Tyler jokes like that were how guys joked with each other. When Tyler said he would never do stuff like that to me my uncle told him he was a pussy and he needed to stop worrying about stuff hurting me or upsetting me. Finally the last straw for Tyler was my 16th birthday. One of Tyler's gifts to me was this really cool tiedye colored teddy bear. I've always loved teddy bears and I collect them. Tyler, my dad and my grandparents have always given me teddy bears for my birthday and Christmas. My uncle told Tyler he couldn't believe he actually gave me "that thing" as he called the teddy bear. He asked Tyler if he hadn't been embarrassed to actually buy it. Tyler asked him why he would be and my uncle told him teddy bears aren't something men usually buy. Everyone ignored him and I hugged Tyler and told him thank you and he told me you're welcome and kissed me on top of my head which both he and my dad do all the time. My uncle said " WTF is wrong with you Tyler?" Tyler asked him what was wrong now and he said he couldn't believe he had let me hug him and even worse he had kissed me. Tyler asked him what about it. My uncle said first of all we were brothers, not brother and sister and second we were 16 and 18 years old and that it was really weird and pretty gay actually. Tyler asked my uncle if he was gay. My uncle asked what in hell did he mean by that and of course he wasn't. Tyler said he knew he wasn't gay and he didn't worry about something that might look gay but that my uncle thought everything was gay and stressed over everything he thought looked gay so he wondered if maybe he was gay, was afraid he was gay or if maybe he knew he was gay and was afraid to admit it to himself. He told my uncle he was the biggest expert on what's gay that he had ever seen. That totally shut my uncle up and pissed him off. He stormed out and left which I was happy about. Since that incident Tyler hasn't really wanted anything much to do with my uncle.
Sorry this turned into a rant about my horrible uncle. I just wanted to give some background on him before anyone thought I was a horrible person for saying the stuff I said to him or thought my dad was cold hearted to cut ties with his own brother. Some people are so toxic you just can't allow them in your life, family or not. My uncle is one of them.
