Jealous of other trans people

[Sinead]

I don't know if I've asked this before, I probably have - or at least thought about posting it. Does anyone else get jealous of other trans people? I mean really jealous, to the extent where it actually hurts?

Usually when I see another trans woman my heart literally stops, it's mainly a jealousy thing, that they can be themselves full time, and I can't as of yet, and that they're ahead of their transition than me, I'm literally at the beginning.

Just curious if anyone else feels this way, surely it can't just be me, I know I shouldn't compare my transition to other people's, but all I feel is envy, it makes it really hard to be around other trans people, it's bad, I know.

[Charlie Nicki]

It doesn't happen to me at all, thankfully. When I see a successful out trans woman I get excitement and anxiety like OMG I WANNA BE THERE ALREADY! I'M MISSING OUT. But it's a positive feeling, like it gives me hope and drive to keep moving forward and also makes me feel happy to see that it is possible to be out and be happy.

[MeTony]

Not jelaous of others. I'm propably too preoccupied with my own transition.

I can think "wow, he looks great!" But I do not feel envy, I feel "I can do that..."


Tony

[pamelatransuk]

Sorry Sinead, no jealousy or envy of transwomen.

I feel precisely like CharlieNicki - a motivating factor to push me to move forward.

Pamela

[sarah1972]

I would not say jealous but there is a certain envy I sometimes have towards either cis women or other trans women. Looking at some of the you tubers out there with perfect looks where T production got stopped very early so the body had no time to get more masculine, yeah. I do envy that. Picture perfect makeup and curves. Still jealous is a string word.

This has also been discussed before, the site search is actually turning up quite a few results. In any case, here is the to the discussion I remembered: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,225250.msg1995300.html#msg1995300

[DawnOday]

I admire anyone who has the moxie to be themselves, Anyone watching American Idol? Catie Turner is what can best be described as odd. But I find myself thinking she is so freaky she's cool and I would love to know her. Journey is another I admire. Aside from being truly talented. I admire she is proud to be lesbian. Proud of her wife. I also admire/envy how gorgeous she is.

[Bari Jo]

I am envious of any beautiful self confident woman trans or cis. Yes, it hurts sometimes.  The longer I'm transitioning it seems to affect me less.  Maybe I'm getting more comfortable with myself, maybe I'm lowering my standards for myself. I don't know. I feel better as time goes on and feel like peace is possible.  I hope at time goes on you will feel the same.

Bari Jo

[Allison S]

@Sinead I think it's normal to feel "jealous". I'm not saying you or anyone should be, but it's not something that can be helped usually... And I don't think it's necessarily toxic if the person doesn't turn it into resentment.

I've had instances that I was jealous of cis females- because they've been affirmed as being female their whole lives...  And when I see a trans woman with long hair and further in her transition, I do get jealous that I'm struggling so much right now. This is temporary for me.

My sister who's cis gender told me she's jealous of my skin. I laughed a bit sarcastically and told her not to be... That made me reflect on being "jealous". I think it's a compliment to the other person. Again, I don't think it's vile or unnatural to feel a tinge of jealousy at times. It's just what we do with that that matters...

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[Northern Star Girl]

I agree with Bari Jo as she stated in her reply the better word is envious, not jealous.
Also Sarah1972 used the word envy as well.  It is human nature to look at a beautiful person, a person that can inspire us to continue to reach for our goals.   
In her reply Charlie Nicki used the word excitement that gives her "hope and drive"....
...and PamelatransUK was also right on with her statement about a motivating factor to push forward.   
.........Yes, I agree with all of you on these points.

We are all on our own unique journey and it is important for us to realize that what we read about other's transition timeline and final results is not likely to be our own, so it is important for us to deal with what HRT and other factors give our bodies to work with.
We will become our own unique self as we continue toward our goal.... and when we look at other's successes that we use that energy to inspire ourselves to our own unique success.

***... and my advice to you Sinead is that we need, we must be happy with ourselves... being jealous of others is not usually a positive force in our lives. We can certainly admire how others appear and use that as a inspiration to improve ourselves.  I suggest that you may want to follow some of the advice given in the replies on this thread to your original post below.....  I am wishing you and all others much success, personal satisfaction and happiness with your transition journey.

All of my above statements are just my personal opinion and I respect other's opinions that may be different from mine that I stated in this reply.

Hugs to all,
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

snipped: 

@Sinead I think it's normal to feel "jealous". I'm not saying you or anyone should be, but it's not something that can be helped usually... And I don't think it's necessarily toxic if the person doesn't turn it into resentment.

@ Allison: 
Exactly correct!!!  We should all take note.
Hugs, Danielle

[CarlyMcx]

I don't think jealous is the right word.  Even if I transitioned young, I was never going to be a plastic fantastic Barbie doll.  If I had transitioned in childhood and had supportive parents I would have been a lot like Anne Hathaway in "The Princess Diaries," geeky and a bit clumsy.  These days in court I present as a grown up girl geek and it works amazingly well.

Sometimes I used to feel a little depressed seeing those who emerged from transition looking beautiful, but as the hormones make me over I realize more than ever that true beauty comes from within.

Transition is about finding the beauty within myself and bringing it out into the light.

[Northern Star Girl]

snipped: 

I don't think jealous is the right word.  - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - -
Sometimes I used to feel a little depressed seeing those who emerged from transition looking beautiful, but as the hormones make me over I realize more than ever that true beauty comes from within.

Transition is about finding the beauty within myself and bringing it out into the light.

@ Carly:
Thank you for posting your reply.... 
... you are absolutely correct with your comment above.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Allison S]

I don't think jealous is the right word.  Even if I transitioned young, I was never going to be a plastic fantastic Barbie doll.  If I had transitioned in childhood and had supportive parents I would have been a lot like Anne Hathaway in "The Princess Diaries," geeky and a bit clumsy.  These days in court I present as a grown up girl geek and it works amazingly well.

Sometimes I used to feel a little depressed seeing those who emerged from transition looking beautiful, but as the hormones make me over I realize more than ever that true beauty comes from within.

Transition is about finding the beauty within myself and bringing it out into the light.

Very smart of you to do in court!! There are piranha's there I hate it lol

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[LilJess]

I wouldn't say I am jealous or envious of other trans women. But I am envious of cis women.

[LaRell]

I most certainly can relate to feeling envy.  When I would see other trans women that pass so well, and look so cute and 100 percent female, I would feel a lot of envy as I wished that could be me.  Now, here I am having made so much progress, and feeling so good about myself, that that envy is almost non existent.  As I have begun to realize that for one, I am feeling pretty happy and content with my own self now, but also, as I have gained more confidence to present as female in public everyday even though I know I mostly don't pass, it has allowed me to reach a point where there really is no more envy.  Kind of like being envious of your neighbors car, but then realizing your 20 year old car is perfectly reliable, and costs you less for insurance and costs less to repair and things, so you find yourself being content with it.  While simultaneously maybe also realizing you now own a car that is almost just as nice as the car you were envious of for so long.  Ha ha  If that makes any sense.  I LOVE studying the psychology behind being transgender.  It fascinates me to no end, and I love learning of various trans peoples views on these kinds of subjects.  Because it further helps me to understand myself and others.

[Northern Star Girl]

I most certainly can relate to feeling envy.  When I would see other trans women that pass so well, and look so cute and 100 percent female, I would feel a lot of envy as I wished that could be me.  Now, here I am having made so much progress, and feeling so good about myself, that that envy is almost non existent.  As I have begun to realize that for one, I am feeling pretty happy and content with my own self now, but also, as I have gained more confidence to present as female in public everyday even though I know I mostly don't pass, it has allowed me to reach a point where there really is no more envy.  Kind of like being envious of your neighbors car, but then realizing your 20 year old car is perfectly reliable, and costs you less for insurance and costs less to repair and things, so you find yourself being content with it.  While simultaneously maybe also realizing you now own a car that is almost just as nice as the car you were envious of for so long.  Ha ha  If that makes any sense.  I LOVE studying the psychology behind being transgender.  It fascinates me to no end, and I love learning of various trans peoples views on these kinds of subjects.  Because it further helps me to understand myself and others.

@ LaRell:  A great observation and statement about being transgender...
... and I love your car analogy, it's perfect!   One thing though, the 20 year old car may cost more to repair because it may require more frequent repairs!!!   Kinda like our bodies when we ourselves get older!!!!
Thanks for sharing your great response here.
Hugs, Danielle

[LaRell]

@ LaRell:  A great observation and statement about being transgender...
... and I love your car analogy, it's perfect!   One thing though, the 20 year old car may cost more to repair because it may require more frequent repairs!!!   Kinda like our bodies when we ourselves get older!!!!
Thanks for sharing your great response here.
Hugs, Danielle

Ha ha yes Danielle, that is very true indeed!  I have a habit of scanning craigslist for non running vehicles, and I take my trailer, go drag them out of someones back yard, fix them up and then drive them as my daily drivers for years before selling them for far more than I bought them for, and doing the same thing again.  I paid only $900 for the Land Rover I rescued from someones driveway with a blown headgasket, fixed it, and now have been driving it for 3 years.  No car payments even though I could easily afford them, is amazing!  Ha ha.  The car before that was a Diesel Chevy Suburban I paid $700 for, and drove that for quite a few years as well.  I just love the feeling of accomplishment knowing that I never have to pay a mechanic to do anything for me, and I don't have to be sacked with a big car payment just so I can have reliable transportation.  And my wife and I feel more financial freedom to actually go do fun stuff rather than just throwing hundreds of dollars a month at an expensive car payment. 

  But anyway.  Yeah......It has been my observation, that the majority of trans people, the further they get along in their transition, the more confidence and self love they are able to find, and therefore less feelings of envy or jealousy.  And that is awesome! 

[Danielle M]

I am not jealous just envious when I see a picture or you tube video of someone that passes real well.  I wish I could have started transition when I was 12 or 13 instead of middle age where testosterone already did extensive damage to my body, face and voice   

[K3lly]

I feel a twinge of envy.  But mostly I am happy for them.  They found their true selves, and are living true lives.  That is a really difficult thing to do in this hellish world of ours.  One day I hope to find the strength to join them.

[krobinson103]

I still feel some envy for women for being born women without having to go through this process. Oddly enough at least 4 women at work envy ME for my figure! I don't know how that state of affairs came to pass, but I certainly don't see my figure as enviable.