I am the HUNTED PREY : Danielle’s Chronicles

[Susan Baum]

Sweet Danielle, your poem is as loving and kind as you and all but brought tears to my eyes.

My father passed before I transitioned; although he was somewhat unaccepting of my CDing I think he knew what lay underneath and never made too large a fuss.

I pray this opens a new line of communication between you and he realizes that he helped form your sensitive, loving and caring nature.

Susan

[Northern Star Girl]

Thank you, Christine.  I should not have posted that here. This is Danielle's thread.

Laurie

@Laurie   
Dear Laurie:  Please, oh please, you are entirely most welcome to post whatever is on your mind on "Danielle's thread"   
You should already be aware that I had previously stated several times here in my various reply posts that on this thread all of my readers conversations about various subjects are always very welcome.   
I would like to think of this thread as a comfortable place for all of us that come here to exchange and share their various thoughts, concerns, and life events that are of interest to them.  I never intended this thread to be all about me... I don't want it to be all about me.

By the way, your previous comment reply was entirely "on topic" as it related to my posting about Father's Day.
Thank you for coming here and thank you for your posts here.
Hugs, and well wishes...
Danielle

[Jayne01]

To my Dad on Father's Day:

                MY FATHER'S HANDS

        They are big, rough and not rather handsome.
           Many a time they have been smashed, broken, or burned,
           Yet for me that have beauty untold.
           For those hands are always giving to those in his path,
           The silent way that he has.

          When he takes my hand,
          The cold around me is never remembered
          For their warmth calms my nerves and insecure path.

          So Father please remember how much I love you,
          And those hands always there to comfort and give.
          And thank you dear Lord for those rough and scarred hands
          For without them no love would I feel.

                                        -Your Loving Daughter,
                                            Danielle

Danielle, that is a beautiful poem you wrote for your father. He may be having great difficulty letting go of his "son", but you keep demonstrating what a beautiful human being you are, with your big heart, always the first one to reach out to others offering love and friendship. I find it hard to accept that he will continue to not accept you as his loving daughter. If for whatever reason, your father continues to reject you as his daughter, at least you know that you are doing everything possible to gain his acceptance. Don't ever give up hope.

Your poem has also stirred up emotions in me. Father's Day in Australia isn't until September. I am hoping to be out to my family by then. Much of your poem could also apply to my own father. He has always worked hard with his hands and also has rough, weathered hands. I sincerely hope my parents can accept me as their daughter, but if they don't, I will draw strength from your positive outlook on life so that I can move on.

I am hoping your poem touches your father's heart and opens the door to healing your relationship with him.

Hugs,
Jayne

[KathyLauren]

Danielle, that is a beautiful poem.  Though your father does not yet accept you, he will know that you still love him.

They are frail and my Brothers think it may be too much for them.
Im afraid of loosing them with little time to reconcile to be honest.

It is a hard call to make, Katie. 

I am sad that my father never got to know the real me.  Had I been transitioning while my parents were still alive, I think I would have wanted them to know me, even at the risk of possible rejection. 

My wife and I thought the same way as you about her parents: let's not tell them because they are so frail.  But, as their health declined, we realized that there would soon be a funeral.  We didn't know which one would go first, but they were both in their 90s, and in declining health.  I knew I would not be able to bear going to a funeral in boy mode, and I also knew that I would have to go.  So, for the sake of the surviving parent, I had to come out to them while they could still take in the information.

They were surprised, to say the least, but they were so accepting, it brought tears to my eyes.  They never once deadnamed me.They got the pronouns wrong a couple of times, but never intentionally.  Mostly they got them right.  When my father-in-law called on the phone to talk to my wife, if I answered he made a point of addressing me as Kathy.  Such a gentleman!  I am glad that at least my in-laws got a chance to know the real me, and that accepting me made them happy.

The point of the story is that keeping the news from your parents might not be the kindest thing to do.  Obviously you know them better, so please just take this as an option, not advice. 

[sarah1972]

What a beautiful poem Danielle. As others have mentioned before, kudos for taking the high road and having the strength to reach out to your dad. I really hope it warms his heart.

My personal preference would be to celebrate "Parents Day" on the fourth Sunday of July. In the end, I will let my kid decide what she prefers. I do want to leave Mother's Day to her birth mother.

For me, this year is somewhat easy. I will be in Germany on June 17th. Fathers Day in Germany is traditionally celebrated on Ascension Day (May 10th this year), so I can bypass everything. Fathers Day is also celebrated a bit different in Germany: groups of men put kegs of beer on a cart and (attempt to) go on a hike. Depending on the group, the cart varies in size, from a Radio-Flyer sized cart to a horse-drawn model with respective amounts of beer. Although not all men do go on these binge hikes - my dad certainly never did. Fathers day in Germany also involves less gift giving and in general, is much less of a deal than it is in the US.

[JLT1]

Danielle,

That was my grandfather.  Thank you for helping me remember. 

Hugs,

Jen

[pamelatransuk]

My parents have both passed away and although I was and am closer to my mother, I think of both every day and am sure they think of me every day. Love to and from a true parent even if there are major differences of opinion, is never lost.

Thank you Danielle for such a wonderful inspiring poem.

Hugs

Pamela

[Nikkimn]

Danielle I'm sorry your father won't accept you. It's a hard thing for many men to accept and especially a father losing their son. My father accepts me for who I am but it's still hard for him. He doesn't say it but I know. For my first Father's Day today as a daughter I gave him one of my prized possessions, a Swiss watch I wore every day as a man for years and I got it engraved to say "To Dad, Love Ryan" as a memorial to his son he lost. For the card I gave him was from his daughter Nicole. I don't want to deny my past. I think part of the difficulty for parents is accepting the old person is gone but still remembering they existed. For me this was a symbolic gesture the old person existed and going forward I am now his daughter.


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[Northern Star Girl]

Danielle I'm sorry your father won't accept you. It's a hard thing for many men to accept and especially a father losing their son. My father accepts me for who I am but it's still hard for him. He doesn't say it but I know. For my first Father's Day today as a daughter I gave him one of my prized possessions, a Swiss watch I wore every day as a man for years and I got it engraved to say "To Dad, Love Ryan" as a memorial to his son he lost. For the card I gave him was from his daughter Nicole. I don't want to deny my past. I think part of the difficulty for parents is accepting the old person is gone but still remembering they existed. For me this was a symbolic gesture the old person existed and going forward I am now his daughter.

@Nikkimn
Dear Nicole:   Thank you for your most comforting reply to me regarding our fathers.   Much of what you stated is exactly how it is between my father and myself.... 
I am glad that you replied and feel free to follow and read my postings.... and certainly your reply comments are always most welcome.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Jessica]

UPDATE Wednesday afternoon, June 13, 2018
Father's Day in the USA is coming up this weekend on Sunday, June 17th.
While this special day for fathers can be a bittersweet and emotional moment for FTMs and MTFs ... I think it is still a day that has significance and will affect transitioners in different and sometimes stressful ways.   

For me, I was never a dad ...and my Father is still living.   As I have stated in the past on several comments in my thread, he has never accepted my transition and after my more than 4 years of my transition journey, 3+ years of HRT,
and living Full Time for over 1-1/2 years he still will hardly speak to me and he still stubbornly calls me his son and uses my old dead male name when he rarely does talk to me on the phone    .....    but, you know, he is still my Father and I do owe him respect for that.  I wrote a poem to him last week and sent it in the mail it along with a Father's Day card.

He was a mechanic and a welder by trade so that will explain my phrasing in the poem.  In my childhood I remembered how his big and strong hands comforted me and made my fears disappear.
Obviously with my transition and his continued nonacceptance there is an enormous strain in our relationship but he is still my Father and will always be my Father.
He is getting up there in age and his health is fading so I wanted to make certain that I have peace with him.   Being so far away, I am unable, and perhaps I am unwilling (shame on me) to visit with him or talk to him very often.

So here is the poem I sent to him ...  with this I am trying to make myself me feel better and hopefully it will speak to him as well.

To my Dad on Father's Day:

                MY FATHER'S HANDS

        They are big, rough and not rather handsome.
           Many a time they have been smashed, broken, or burned,
           Yet for me that have beauty untold.
           For those hands are always giving to those in his path,
           The silent way that he has.

          When he takes my hand,
          The cold around me is never remembered
          For their warmth calms my nerves and insecure path.

          So Father please remember how much I love you,
          And those hands always there to comfort and give.
          And thank you dear Lord for those rough and scarred hands
          For without them no love would I feel.

                                        -Your Loving Daughter,
                                            Danielle

Thank you for sharing your beautiful poem that certainly relates to many of us.
Love from a father is a special type of love. Its one that would protect you from all harm.  It's sometimes hardened through societies pressures and becomes inflexible. 
I'm sorry your father has been swayed by refusal of things he does not understand. 
It is hard to change the way you are as much as it is for him.  You do it for the change you need, where he fights the change he cannot approve.
Someday I pray he will find the love he had for you when you were the child in his eyes.

Hugs, Jess

[Northern Star Girl]

Dear Readers and Followers:   I just realized that I did not post a picture of #3 and myself on our Saturday night dinner date (June 9th) last weekend.   I know that this is not much of an excuse but I have been very busy at work... and at play...  and there has been a lot of going on here on the Forums with new members and other members that needed some responses to their postings.



So here is shy guy Suitor#3 and me at the restaurant all dressed up. 
Even here in a very small rural town we can indeed dress up, him in a suit and me in a new dress, just trimmed and styled hair, earrings, nails done, high heel shoes, etc.   It was a wonderful time... see description of my date below that I submitted back on June 10th, the day after our dinner date...

Snipped:

My date UPDATE, Sunday June 10  5:15pm my time:

Here is my synopsis of my lovely and enjoyable dinner date with Shy Guy Suitor #3 last night (Saturday night)

Yes, earlier I had my nails and hair done and at home I had my dress and heels laid out. 
Got dressed and was waiting for #3 to pick me up at my home at 5:30 pm.
He came to the door...  dressed in a suit... here where I live we don't see that very often...  I am so glad that he gave me hints for me to dress up for the occasion.  As I invited him in for a few minutes before we left for dinner he gave me a beautiful bouquet of flowers...  so very nice.
We went to the nicest place in town... only a few nice places here...  I had never been there before... everyone at the restaurant seemed  to know him and I knew quite a few there also.   I kinda had the feeling he was showing me off to his friends ... a strange feeling for me.  During our dinner conversation I asked if me being a trans-woman was a problem for him ... and perhaps a problem for his friends.  He told me that everyone already knows and they all were very accepting.
It was a lovely night that ended up with hand holding and a kiss... well actually 2 kisses.  *swoon*
After dinner we drove around town a little and talked and talked..... and talked.  He then took me home around 9:00pm.... it was a very wonderful evening that I immensely enjoyed for sure.

In conclusion it seems that the Shy Guy Suitor #3 is becoming much more bold.
- - - - - - - - snipped
Hugs,
Danielle

[Jayne01]

Aaahhh.....so the date was real after all. You know......pictures or it didn't happen! [emoji16] you look beautiful Danielle, and that big smile is present once again. I'm glad the date went well for you. So any word on another date?

Hugs,
Jayne

[davina61]

You do scrub up well ( you know me by now!!) looks like a wonderful time but as Jayne asked, any more dates??? Your readers are waiting-----------

[Northern Star Girl]

You do scrub up well ( you know me by now!!) looks like a wonderful time but as Jayne asked, any more dates??? Your readers are waiting-----------

@davina61:   Oh yes indeed there is some more to tell with flirty barista Suitor#5...

  and also with very sweet and attentive dental hygienist suitor#4 but that is for a near future update.
Hugs,
Danielle

[islandgirl]

Thanks for your update, Danielle! I have been patiently waiting and wondering what is happening in your life! Part of me says 'hey it is her life' and that you need to protect your privacy. The other part says, yes but what is happening with #4?

Hugs!
Kelly

[JulieAllana]

Danielle,
    You are absolutely breathtaking to gaze upon...you look simply amazing.  With your friendly and outgoing demeanor, it is no wonder that half of your town is falling for you.

         Julie

[Jayne01]

@davina61:   Oh yes indeed there is some more to tell with flirty barista Suitor#5...

  and also with very sweet and attentive dental hygienist suitor#4 but that is for a near future update.
Hugs,
Danielle

Girl! Now you're just teasing us!

[Northern Star Girl]

Girl! Now you're just teasing us!

@Jayne01    Shush... There will be pictures that I post of those events...
... then you will have to eat crow.
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

Danielle,
    You are absolutely breathtaking to gaze upon...you look simply amazing.  With your friendly and outgoing demeanor, it is no wonder that half of your town is falling for you.

         Julie

@JulieAllana     Thank you for your way too kind words...
... now I am *blushing*
Thanks for following my thread and commenting.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

Thanks for your update, Danielle! I have been patiently waiting and wondering what is happening in your life! Part of me says 'hey it is her life' and that you need to protect your privacy. The other part says, yes but what is happening with #4?

Hugs!
Kelly

@islandgirl
Kelly: Soon I will have an update talking about #4..,.
and hopefully including pictures... 
Please be patient.
Hugs,
Danielle