HELP! Should I be grieving?

[Nikkimn]

I'm about two months on HRT and about to come out socially as a woman. Is it normal to have a spike in dysphoria and doubts? The first couple months after I came out I was moving 100 mph and super euphoric and now things are settling down to the new normal. I'm considering coming out socially full time. But I feel kind of depressed again and worried I'm making the right decision. The changes and loss of my male self are making me sad in some ways. My therapist suggested I need to grieve the loss of my old self. I don't even know how to do that and I'm torn between two worlds right now.

[Dani]

...and I'm torn between two worlds right now.

That is why many of us call transition a journey. You just need to look forward to where you want to live.

Coming out is scary, as we never know who is accepting and who will reject us. I put off coming out as long as possible because of the fear and doubt of others, but not of myself. I knew what I needed to do. My over whelming need to transition helped me over come any doubt about what was right for me.

[Mendi]

I think the dysphoria really starts to kick in, after you start living socially as a woman full-time and if and when the hormones haven´t done their magic yet fully.

I did that and the first few months, about 4, were terrible to be honest, because when you go full-time, you start also to compare yourself full-time to other women and at least for me that causes horrible dysphoria.

It is now after 5 months of HRT starting to ease up and I start to see myself from the mirror. Not to say that the dysphoria is gone, it´s not, but it is easing up.

[Harley Quinn]

Why do you have to give up your old self? Take what you like about who you are and incorporate it into who you wish to be. Transition is merely a journey of personal growth; becoming the person you have always wished to see in the mirror. There is no reason to grieve the loss of what you hated, when everything you loved is still there.  Like growing up the awkward kid and becoming a confident success... would you grieve the loss of social awkwardness?

[KathyLauren]

There is no reason to grieve the loss of what you hated, when everything you loved is still there.

Words of wisdom to live by.

[Charlie Nicki]

I think it's normal, I went through the same and still do in different stages. My advice is avoid looking at old pictures of yourself! Or do, if you want to feel the grief even more.

My case is similar to yours, I've been on HRT for 9 months and the first couple of months I wanted to rush everything, then I started getting depressed and had to take break. Right now I'm going through the second sad stage just on a different level since I've achieved a lot in the past 9 months.

Basically you have to learn that this is part of the journey and it allows us to look back and rethink our decisions and our journey, and that's the only way we can really tell if we are ready for the next step.

[JudiBlueEyes]

It is quite normal to question yourself and your motivations at this point in your transition.  We all seem to do it.  It is healthy as it helps to ground ourselves to the reality of change.  Yes is can be scary but think of the times you've been miserable and it all becomes clearer.  I agree 110% with Harley that there is no need to jettison your old life.  Pack up what you don't need and take the parts you enjoy.  That's what I did and I'm happier because of it. 

[stephaniec]

it can get rough sometimes

[Lady Love]

Why do you have to give up your old self? Take what you like about who you are and incorporate it into who you wish to be. Transition is merely a journey of personal growth; becoming the person you have always wished to see in the mirror. There is no reason to grieve the loss of what you hated, when everything you loved is still there.  Like growing up the awkward kid and becoming a confident success... would you grieve the loss of social awkwardness?

Very well put. I consider myself bigender because I have no disconnect with my old life and I don't think I am shedding my manhood, I am just coming into my own as a woman. Any part of the man I was that is useful I kept. It has shedding the parts of my masculinity I dont need that makes me feel transformed. But the more I think about it, the only thing I didn't like from being a man was not being a woman. I think there was a lot more I shed as I grew up, but I think I really came to terms with my gender when I looked at myself and saw that I was my gender. I think that was my "mourning," just truly coming to terms with that however everyone else saw it I was a beautiful and vivacious woman.

That's part of why i think its funny when people wonder if i will still be me. If you were using me for my imposing hairiness and my beard or if you think boobs and a penis are strange or if my private sexual life upsets you then yes my transition may upset you. But if all you want is for me to be me, then you already the Bren the woman XD

I found a mental exercise to help with doubts, OP. Since the experience of being trans is so unique, we can never have a checklist that will reveal gender identity. So rather than asking "Am I trans?" Or "Is this a good idea to do?" Try saying "Considering what I know so far about myself, how I percieve myself, and how I want to be percieved, will this change improve my quality of life or make it harder to live?" I have only been out to myself for a week and have rebounded between fear and regret and 100mph self-actualization at least twice already, so i figure its normal.