I think that depends on a lot of things - how fast your transition goes biologically, how safe your workplace is, whether you have children or a spouse who will be impacted by your transition, what your family planning intentions are, how important passing is to you...
Some things that worked well for me:
- I took each decision one at a time and assessed along the way whether I was happy with where my life was going, and the risks of each decision
- Once I decided that I was certain I was going to be presenting female in the workplace in the future, I spoke to our HR department. I told them what I was doing, and what kind of support I would need. I gave them about a year's notice.
- I spent time in public part-time as a female, assessing whether I was comfortable with where I was at. The number of stares, and amount of abuse I experienced early in my transition made me put the me put the female clothes away several times and wait a little longer for my
appearance to keep changing.
- I worked hard early on with the difficult things - hair removal, voice training, etc
- at one stage, I was living as female everywhere except work. I bumped into several work colleagues who recognised me, and we had some difficult conversations. They were all really good and all kept my secret confidential until I was ready for everyone at work to know. It might have pushed my transition at work forward if they were not tight lipped.
- when I reached the point that several people at work could visibly see what was going on, and asked me whether I was transitioning, I changed my name at work, and HR conducted some diversity training for my colleagues.
- I stayed in contact with my counsellor and kept talking about how my life was changing and what I wanted moving forward.
- my other piece of advice is don't underestimate the social and emotional changes. The expectations placed on women in society are significantly different to men. It took me a long time to realise that people were reacting badly at work to behaviours - decisiveness, assertiveness, conviction, determination - which are considered desirable in men but not women. It took me years to find new ways of influencing people and making the right impression while still getting what I need to do my job. My brain also went through huge changes in emotionality. A few years on HRT and I found myself crying at sunsets, staring at puppies, loving babies, and sometimes crying for reasons I didn't even understand.
- my last piece of advice is not to close off the option of going stealth too early- at least not until your transition is more progressed. Hold off doing advocacy, putting your name in the newspaper, or doing interviews about yourself until your transition is more complete and you can make an informed decision about your future. Putting your trans status on the public record will affect dating, employment prospects, and people's basic prejudices. I wouldn't recommend closing off the option until you know more about your new life.
All the best for your transition !
❤️
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