Trigger Warning - Every trans woman's nightmare

[Julia1996]

Hi everyone.  My dad answered a domestic violence call Sunday evening involving a trans woman and it was really awful. The woman and the scum who assaulted her are college students. The guy hadn't known she was trans and when she told him he totally went crazy on her. My dad said this guy totally didn't think he had done anything wrong and that he gave a detailed account of everything he had done and that he was proud of it! My dad said it was like the guy was expecting congratulations and a high five from my dad and the other cops who were there. He actually couldn't believe they were arresting him.

They had been dating for a couple of weeks and were just hanging out at the guy's apartment and she told him she was trans. So he took off her skirt and panties by force so he could see for himself. Then he beat the crap out of her. She went to the hospital by ambulance. My dad said from looking at her face he could tell her nose was broken and probably her jaw too. He said the guy admitted that he kicked her in the ribs after she was on the floor so she probably had broken ribs too. After he beat her up he shaved off most of her hair and then took pictures of her with his phone. My dad asked him why he took pictures of her with no pants if her being trans freaked him out so much and he said he was going to post the pictures on all her social media so everyone would know she was a "<not allowed> dude".  When my dad asked him why he hadn't just told her he wasn't interested and asked her to leave instead of beating on her he said " because he had kissed that "thing" and that the ->-bleeped-<-got needed to be taught a lesson".  He also said that he was sure the charges would be dropped after he went before a judge because all he had done was " beat up a ->-bleeped-<-got who was trying to fool him into having sex". Because he had bragged to my dad and the other cops about everything he did, my dad said he would definitely be charged with a hate crime which has pretty harsh penalties. He said he was probably looking at jail time. I totally hope he receives the full weight of justice. I really expected this to be in the news but I haven't seen anything. I wonder why? Maybe trans people are only news worthy if someone kills us.

My dad has professional detachment from the things he deals with but this really bothered him. He said when I first transitioned he worried about something like this happening to me. What bothers me is that this piece of filth didn't think he had done anything wrong. He had even laughed about it! My dad said one of the other cops was almost ready to hit him and called him a piece of ->-bleeped-<- to his face. Hearing about stuff like this makes me realize how much people hate us and how dangerous it is to be trans. Please be very careful ladies and be safe.

[KathyLauren]

I think we all know that this happens, but I am particularly sorry that it happened so close to you.  I can understand why it would hit your dad so hard.  You are lucky to have such fine, upstanding men in your life.  I am glad that he handled the situation professionally.  Jail is where that creep belongs.

Yes, please be careful out there.

[Chelsea]

This is awful. I hope he gets what he deserves! This is one reason I haven't gone in public yet because of being scared of things like this. 

[sarah1972]

Hello Julia -

OMG this is so awful and bothersome. I feel very sorry for the women. I have to admit to have had several nightmares about this happening to me (not while dating but just while being out and some idiot thinks he needs to "grab" and then freaking out).

The women did absolutely nothing wrong. It is unfortunately a real fear and can happen any time. I am glad the police was there so quickl and as you, I hope he does get charged and convicted of a hate crime. Unfortunately, many locations would not even consider this a hate crime. I really hope the women recovers well and does get good psychological help. This is the worst that can happen to anyone.

Situational awareness and learning self defense is one way to cope with this fear. Maybe one piece of advise: If anyone get's to the point of having to tell a possible date, ALWAYS do it in public. And do it early. Please be safe everyone!

I am amazed how your Dad could keep his calm and stay professional. I completely understandable it is bothering him, given how close to home this hits.


@Julia1996  know you will be a bit affected by this too, please try to stay strong, I know you have very important events coming up.

[RobynTx]

It's sad that this is becoming common place in the world.  Like others I had hopes for humanity.  Being in my job for as long as I have has taught me that most people are idiots. 

Situational awareness is something everyone should practice and do every day.  Yes she was attacked in a house where she felt comfortable.  Yes like Sarah suggested any time someone is coming out to another person it should be in public.  While I'm not on the dating scene many others are.  I do keep my situational awareness up at all times.  I haven't carried my gun in quite some time but I do need to get back into that.  It's just so hard finding women's clothing that makes it easy to carry a Glock. 

[jaybutterfly]

While I do not have any intention of sounding like 'that person' this is why I personally would disclose my status before it went anywhere, just in case this could happen if I didnt.

That bastard is what we all fear we will find. Hope he rots

[justine77]

This is why I spend hours in the gym and study martial arts so as not to end up being a victim of this kind of thing.  I've been in a few altercations and ended up with $10,000 worth of dental repairs after one incident, I've never backed down though.  Justine x

[Tommi]

Doreen, "vigilante justice" is exactly what the attacker felt he was doing...
This story made me cry this morning, I couldn't get through reading it to my wife. I've, for the last year, been trying to hide and "pass." But even if I do. I feel like I need to advocate and constantly disclose, just to help "normalize" us, in society. Scary, for me, but compelling, nonetheless.

Stay safe out there, please.

Sent from my VS988 using Tapatalk

[Doreen]

Doreen, "vigilante justice" is exactly what the attacker felt he was doing...
This story made me cry this morning, I couldn't get through reading it to my wife. I've, for the last year, been trying to hide and "pass." But even if I do. I feel like I need to advocate and constantly disclose, just to help "normalize" us, in society. Scary, for me, but compelling, nonetheless.

Stay safe out there, please.

Sent from my VS988 using Tapatalk

OH, I understand that evil will feel morally justified when performing heinous acts of violence and depravity.  However if the system of justice has no justice for the oppressed and vilified there are options.

I'm not espousing going to his house, stalking him, and killing him.. however there is a time and a place for defending yourself.  Neither heroine nor victim be.  Always be aware of your environment, have exit strategies firmly in place mentally.  We live on the borders of a psychopathic dangerous world simply for existing.   I wish it weren't so, but it is.

I too study the martial arts, and hone my body every day to defend myself if I must.  The first option is always to get away and live to run another day.  Barring that, have a plan in place.

[amandam]

I've changed my mind about wanting to be stealth. I now think it's better to be seen as trans.

[Charlie Nicki]

This is awful...And situations like this is why I'm always pro full disclosure before dating. Do not get me wrong, I'm not blaming the victim, the man who did this is a scum and is the only one who should be blamed! But all of us are responsible for our own safety and being open about our status is a way of protecting ourselves, as ironic as that might sound.

[Susan Baum]

Julia,
My heart aches for the (I presume) young woman who was so thoughtlessly humiliated and brutalized but gratified that your dad and other caring people were there to come to her aid.

I fear, however, our "justice" system will be far too lenient with this self-righteous bigot and he will be freed to do something like this again and again and again.

Hugs to you - and your dad, to
Susan

[Julia1996]

And this is where I believe in vigilante justice. That's all I'll say.

Yeah, my brother feels the same way. He wanted my dad to give him the guy's name and tell him where he lived. Of course he didn't. He told Tyler that him getting busted for beating the hell out of the guy wouldn't help anything. The whole thing totally pissed Tyler off. Especially when he found out the guy was close to his size and plays football and the girl was only a little bigger than I am. Tyler has always had a thing about people messing with someone he considers pretty much helpless. He got into some fights at school because he beat up guys for beating on boys who were much smaller than them. Maybe it's a good thing the story wasn't in the news. If Tyler knew the guy's name and where to find him there's a good chance he would go and beat the hell out of him. The piece of crap deserves it for sure but I wouldn't want to see my brother get in trouble for doing it.

[Allison S]

My heart goes out to the poor lady[emoji21] this was too disturbing to read and to just think about what scum feels he's allowed to do or get away with
Tyler's reaction is understandable.. I hope that's the norm

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[RobynD]

Horrific and i hope this person gets the attack prosecuted as a hate crime. That will add time and penalty to the conviction. Then she should mount a civil suit for the costs of medical bills including counseling, pain and suffering. He should be paying for this choice in one way or another for a long time.

I fault nothing to the victim. Disclosure should never be an obligation. A trans woman is a woman and nobody requires or should require complete disclosure of all the past in a casual or non-casual relationship. Does she have to disclose her medical records and the time she had mono or measles, no way. There is of course some risk to this and in rare cases like this, a monster came out of the shadows.

[Alanna1990]

It just seems insane people are this full of hatred against people like us, Julia, is where you live known for this kind of thing? I can't believe there's a place so stuck in the past...

[Julia1996]

It just seems insane people are this full of hatred against people like us, Julia, is where you live known for this kind of thing? I can't believe there's a place so stuck in the past...

Actually no it's not known for stuff like this at all. I live in Denver. For the most part people here are usually tolerant about LGBT stuff. But I guess there are psychos everywhere. And yes, I think that guy was a psycho to do the stuff he did to that poor girl.

[SarahFehrman]

My feeling, after recovering from the horror of this story, is along the same lines of what has already been expressed here – full disclosure up front in a very public place as close to the beginning of a potential relationship as possible is necessary. Also be sure that you are carrying mace or pepper spray, if such is permissible where you are. It's good to know martial arts, but I find that those are like any other weapon. If you're going to have them, be prepared to use them, and do not back down. It will also help to really get to know the other person very well before you go to their home or have them into yours. Maybe because I'm an older gal I'm a little more hesitant and am very careful as to where I am. I always am mindful of my surroundings, thinking of exits and creating second and third plans, just in case. Every woman does this. We are all victims of lookers and lurkers, so to speak. We need to be on our p's and q's, ladies. Please, everyone, stay as safe as you possibly can!


Hugs,
Sarah From Chi-town

[JulieAllana]

It's just so hard finding women's clothing that makes it easy to carry a Glock.

Good resource for female concealed carry locations with various clothing types.  Female run, they sell lots of different concealed carry products as well.  Instructable videos too.
https://thewellarmedwoman.com/

[CarlyMcx]

I don't know about Colorado but here in Cali, a creative D.A.  could put that guy away for life by charging him with torture, for shaving off her hair after beating her—or threaten to and extract a deal that will keep him locked up until no one in society would think about doing what he did.