Quote from: Donna on May 17, 2018, 07:55:32 PM
Jane that still looks very impressive
Yeah, a lot of people are like,"Oh you pass great!" or "You have as decent a result of breast growth as any cisfemale" and lots of other nice things...It's VERY hard for me to hear and even HARDER for me to see...It's part of dysphoria I'm sure is familiar to many here, that everytime I look in mirror I'm INSTANTLY drawn to every part I hate and that's all I can see...VERY occasionally I see a glance of a pic or reflection when I'm out and think,
"Wow, I only see a gal there!"
But they are tiny moments before the crushing psych issues of dysphoria come to ruin the moment or make me keep looking at different angles until I can say,
"SEE! There's a tell! and look from the side GAG!
...and look at these hands!
These awful shoulders! ..
God my f'n FOREHEAD or CHIN!
$3,500 for at least my god awful CHIN to get fixed, I can't live another DAY with this CHIN! Arrgh"!
etc, etc etc Why can't I get a rich boyfriend who think I'm a beautiful person that just needs some edges rounded off and will take me in his arms and make Chin/Jawline Reduction, Forehead Contour and Rhinoplasty...basically FFS..happen! He'll get me a beautiful vagina and make it gorgeous with a Labiaplaty so I can have him in me as I was always meant to and live happily ever after! Ahhhh....Then I wake up. I am almost 40 and not getting any younger,by time I HEAL from SRS I'll be 42 and only maybe a decade, 2 tops to enjoy sex with a guy without feeling like I'm making him "compromise" with my bum....
I just had delete a paragraph cause I started a "issue dump" and lost my point....Which is...Acceptance. I try to accept that I , even now, have a life I always wanted but was too afraid to have for fear of family, society, employment, and other repercussions...If I had a day in my life now after waking from a day in my life 10yrs ago, I'd be SO HAPPY! I try to remember that...But DAMN it's hard to shake the negativity of self-image issues!!!
Jane