Looking for friends....not weirdos!

[CallmeMegan]

As a fairly new member of the trans community I have found a lot of inspirational posts and material around coming out, going on hormones, reassignment surgery etc and nothing has put me off continuing on the road to transitioning. I'm encouraged by the journeys that girls have gone through even though many have faced difficult times. But I am struggling with something right now.

I'm in the UK and I have yet to come out to anyone in person - though I have here and on other sites - mostly because I'm afraid of the consequences of that next step. Not as becoming a trans woman but potential loss of relationships etc. I've been trying to reach out to find others who can chat/email with me so I can continue to find strength and common ground but still have that discretion until I'm ready to go to the next stage.

The problem is though....all I seem to be attracting are guys who want photos and sex. I know that if I was out then attending local meetings etc would be an ideal way of meeting real girls similar to me so I can only blame me for that but surely there is a trans network out there who are willing to email/chat without the condition that I need to show a willingness to have sex with them first??

Anyone got any suggestions for me?

Thanks for listening

Megan x

[MeTony]

I know the problem. Creeps try to hit on me on facebook. I still have my birth name on facebook but a recent pic of me. People assume I'm MTF and start asking about sex.

One guy kept recently messing me on messenger. I told him we can chat, if you drop the sex talk. He vanished in thin air. Never heared of him again.

I'm no creep, but I'm a guy. Maybe you want other girls to talk to.


Tony

[Nathanyel]

While I can't say I've had any trouble with creeps, I've certainly had trouble with maintaining relationships with people after telling them I am a transgender man. So to some extent I get it, friends who understand would be quite nice in this situation so if ever you wanna talk, I'm always here, 100% creep-free


-Nathanyel

[DustKitten]

I'm still looking for an answer to that myself. I currently have 8 friends, and that's counting a guy that hasn't spoken to me since I came out to him 2 months ago.

Basic networking helps, I think. If you know one or two other trans people you can ask them to introduce you to their friends, who can then introduce you to their friends etc. You do have to go out of your way to get to know people like that, but it kinda works.

The other thing I've started doing is hanging out at a local gay bar. I'm still physically a guy, so that's how people there know me. I'm hoping that'll be a relatively judgement-free zone where I can make friends that won't leave me when I go full-time.

[TsukiCat]

Im from the UK aswell and only just came out days ago, I have literally no friends who arent family. Im not great socially  it would be nice to socialize with someone with similar circumastances

[Sienna Grace]

Hi Megan,

In my experience, what you are feeling is fairly common. Not just for trans people, but all people. We live in a world more connected than ever before, yet the distance between individuals seems increasingly challenging.
Just chatting with people and holding no agenda seems to be the best way for me. That said, be strong in your values, respect who you are and don't be afraid to shut down a conversation that heads in a direction you find unpleasant.

Take care and good luck.
Si

[CallmeMegan]

Thank you guys and girls for your advice and support. It's good to know that I can message any of you and  have a decent chat without it resorting to smut and requests for dirty pics.  I'm not in this to be an object for some guys fetish or to relieve their own sexual frustrations and I don't think these guys realise that.

As I said in my earlier post I think coming out will help me to make real friends with trans women and men (trans or not) who are respectful of me and my wishes but I think I'm still a bit short of doing that in the near future so having someone to bounce off will be both a relief and educational but hopefully will also create new friends.

Thanks again and don't be shy in messaging me if any of you want to chat.

Megan x

[emma-f]

Hi Tsukicat and CallmeMegan

Dont know if either of you are interested, but Megan is organising a get together for UK members, https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,237194.msg2141621.html#msg2141621

Otherwise, like anything else it depends on where you look and who you speak to. There's some awesome people out there. And if not I'm always happy to help anyone!

Em x

[CallmeMegan]

Hi Em

Yeah I saw that she had arranged for Sept but I've told her that I can't make that date. It's a great idea n hopefully there may be more in the future that I can get to.

Thanks for passing it on though

Megan x

[Dena]

Thank you guys and girls for your advice and support. It's good to know that I can message any of you and  have a decent chat without it resorting to smut and requests for dirty pics.  I'm not in this to be an object for some guys fetish or to relieve their own sexual frustrations and I don't think these guys realise that.

As I said in my earlier post I think coming out will help me to make real friends with trans women and men (trans or not) who are respectful of me and my wishes but I think I'm still a bit short of doing that in the near future so having someone to bounce off will be both a relief and educational but hopefully will also create new friends.

Thanks again and don't be shy in messaging me if any of you want to chat.

Megan x

It goes a bit farther than that. The site is not a hookup site and is instead a medical help site. Sometimes members enter relationships however aggressiveness in a relationship isn't permitted. As long as you use posting and PMs, you will have a report button available on the right side of each entry. Using the report button will flag the staff and allow use to see the issue. If we judge the member is out of line, we have several options including the ability to turn off posting and/or PMs.

We watch for people who are only here for sex and eliminate most of them before they have time to do damage however we might miss one so your assistance is welcome.

[Megan.]

Depending where you are in the UK, if you can find a local trans support group, that would be a good place to start.
I'm a member of the Cambridge Diamonds group who meet weekly, and are very friendly. Earlier in my transition I would go almost every week, I go along occasionally now. There are also Beaumont Society groups around the country that would also be fully accepting and provide a safe atmosphere to meet others in person.

Good luck. X

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[nightingale95]

Why not befriend some cis women? They are far easier to find and won't creep on you like men do.

[DawnOday]

In my two years on Susan's I have not witnessed any blatant sex fiends. We police ourselves pretty good and between Dena, Joann, Laurie, Danielle, Kendra and others we feel pretty safe. Susan has created a wonderful source for medical and reference materials. We do not discuss dosages however because it leads some to self medicate, which is a big, huge, extreme no-no.  I am the Links administrator and Siobhan is assisting in updating our links. If somewhere down the line you would like to join us we can always use the help. If you find the information helpful, submit a  contribution as Susan has been supporting this site and making up the slack for the last 20 years. It is imperative we keep this information available. Please, please, please enlist us if you have any questions. There are some pretty awesome people here. I hope you come for the info and stay for the comradery.   

[CallmeMegan]

I think I should make it clear that I definitely was not referring to anyone on this site being weird or inappropriate. I have found this to be a safe and welcoming place to be able to talk openly.

My point was aimed at other sites where they are promoted as trans friendly friendly  place to meet others but turn out to be nothing more than sex websitesvu

[DawnOday]

We know what you mean. You are right, many of the other sites do get a little raunchy. We try not to and if it is reported, it will be edited or deleted. Anyhoo... Welcome.

[CallmeMegan]

Sorry don't know what happened there.

So these turn out to be sex sites where it's generally guys with fetishes. I've obviously not engaged  which led to my initial post.

I do really appreciate everyone's suggestions but until I'm out I don't think I'll be able to go to the meetings locally as it would just be very difficult to attend due to work and home.  I probably niaively thought I could easily get in touch with other trans women over email and then get trust and confidence to meet up locally in the hope that I could overcome my fears about coming out.

Anyway I'm always the optimist so I'm sure that it'll all turn out good.

Megan x

[KathyLauren]

I probably niaively thought I could easily get in touch with other trans women over email and then get trust and confidence to meet up locally in the hope that I could overcome my fears about coming out.

Right here on Susan's Place, you are probably in the best place on the Internet to get in touch with other trans women.  Quite a few members have arranged meetups.  And certainly, coming out, and dealing with the fears surrounding it, is one of the biggest topics of discussion here.

[pamelatransuk]

Hello CallmeMegan and TsukiCat

Nice to meet some more UK Members of Susans.

Emma has already informed of "UK Meetup" thread; I just thought you may also wish to read and comment if you wish on "Where in the UK are you" thread here on Transgender Talk Board dated 1June.

Hugs yo you both

Pamela 

[CallmeMegan]

Pamela

I'll definitely add to the Where in the UK board. And I'm aiming to meet up with some of you started meet up soon.

Thanks for pointing mein the right direction

Megan x

[Megan.]

You could also check out some of the LGBT groups on the 'Meetup' app/network. Even though not Trans* specific, they should be largely accepting and supportive. The 'comming out' experience is often a very common one.

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