Positive Mindset... put away negativity

[Janes Groove]

Q. Is the glass half full or half empty?

A. We need to build a new glass.

[Tess100]

I grew up in a a glass half empty house and was taught to see the worst side of everything.  I am constantly trying to change that mind set as an adult.

[sarah1972]

I know I am a bit late to the party. Thanks, Danielle for starting this thread! This is great, and your positive attitude has had a major impact on this forum.

Q. Is the glass half full or half empty?

A. We need to build a new glass.

I like this quote. Let's build a smaller glass and the glass is full.

I grew up in a a glass half empty house and was taught to see the worst side of everything.  I am constantly trying to change that mind set as an adult.

I have thought about this a lot recently, I did come from a little different angle. I did come to the conclusion, that a positive view on life is something that can be trained. Heck - look at what we all managed to train ourselves to do: Even a year ago, I could not imagine being able to be in heels for 16 working hours straight. It did take training. Same about positive mindset.

Someone who never did much exercise can run a Marathon with a lot of training. It does take a lot of small steps to increase endurance.

I do believe, the same is possible for our mind. Starting out with one little happy thing a day. Cherish this moment for as long as you can. A flower next to your path, a beautiful tree, a glimpse to your real self.

Start increasing the frequency and one day, the good moments can prevail.

I am trying this very hard. A few weeks ago, I was in a very, very dark place. Attempting this approach I have been able to get into a much better place today. It is still very fragile, and not every day is a 3/4 glass full day.

So - keep training! Even if I never get to a Marathon, a 10k may be a good accomplishment. Often having a friend providing encouragement during training helps move things forward. each out to your friends for help or accept their offer for help.

Stay strong!

Hugs, Sarah

[Northern Star Girl]

We could all use some positivity. I could definitely use a lot of it.

@Charlie Nicki
Dear Charlie Nicki:  Please know that you are not alone with having times of frustrations, feelings of failure, disappointments and all of the other things that go along with it. 
I have been regularly following your postings on your personal thread and now with your reply here and also your recent post reply on the new tread that @Nicole70 started "R U OK?"
   
While I am aware that it is all too easy to just say "think positive" or to "be positive" .... 
I do certainly know that from my own experience thinking positive and being positive can be very difficult when seemingly the "sky is falling" and the "bottom seems to be dropping out" all around me.

I can not say too many words that will magically help you to lift yourself up other than you taking the time to sit down and thinking about and prioritizing your life issues and "one at a time" try to determine the best path you can take to eventually solve it.
   
"ONE AT A TIME" is the key phrase here.
It is like walking a mile.... one step at a time.
 
In college many times in my years of classes, I was overwhelmed with daunting essay assignments that seemed to be impossible to do.   
The successful method I used there was to write down a rough outline of what the essay was to entail, then, one at a time, I would compose preliminary smaller sections of my essay covering each individual point.  At the end of days or weeks of working on the essay project I could then meld all of the small sections together to successfully complete my essay. 
A task that seemed overwhelmingly impossible was thus completed by writing smaller and more achievable "essays" and then putting them all together.

I trust that you didn't get lost in how I handle my difficulties and formulate solutions to seemingly impossible problems in my life's issues... but I do know that method will work in many areas of our lives and not just in writing essays

Certainly you have seen my replies to other here on this thread and various other threads about keeping a personal journal that you can write to yourself about your life issues.   Since my teen years I have kept a pen and paper journal, complete with doodling, that I write to myself about my life's failures, frustrations, disappointment... and about very importantly about my successes.  Writing that way about my life's events is very good therapy and allows me to ponder my life and to determine the actions that I need to take to solve them  .... "one by one"

For less very personal stuff writing about it here on the Susan's Place Forums is also good therapy.   As you share with other like-minded members, you can then see what they share with you.  Solutions can be discovered by that kind of mutual sharing of ideas and suggestions.  Of course it is entirely up to you whether or not you want to embrace those ideas and suggestions, it is your life and it is your determination and willpower that can help guide you to a higher place.

I sincerity trust that what I have had to say here will provide some clarity for you to get back to and to stay in your happy place.
Please feel free to reply on the Forums or to send me a PM if you might want bounce some more things off of me.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[krobinson103]

My glass is always half full at least. My wife gets a little upset that I don't look at the negatives enough, but life is too short to worry about what could go wrong...

[Northern Star Girl]

My glass is always half full at least. My wife gets a little upset that I don't look at the negatives enough, but life is too short to worry about what could go wrong...

@krobinson103   I already knew that about you from following your thread and reading your postings on other various threads....  a positive attitude does indeed make things go better... plus people don't want to hang around a negative person, it is the positive personality that can attract friends and make good impressions.... and help you with your job and your bosses too.
Congratulations on continuing to complete your successful journey.   You have made wonderful progress indeed.
Please keep us all updated on your thread and elsewhere.   Keep the pictures coming too!!!
Hugs,
Danielle

[DawnOday]

I don't use a glass. I use a 48 oz insulated mug. And a little something is better than nothing.   

[Charlie Nicki]

@Charlie Nicki
Dear Charlie Nicki:  Please know that you are not alone with having times of frustrations, feelings of failure, disappointments and all of the other things that go along with it. 
I have been regularly following your postings on your personal thread and now with your reply here and also your recent post reply on the new tread that @Nicole70 started "R U OK?"
   
While I am aware that it is all too easy to just say "think positive" or to "be positive" .... 
I do certainly know that from my own experience thinking positive and being positive can be very difficult when seemingly the "sky is falling" and the "bottom seems to be dropping out" all around me.

I can not say too many words that will magically help you to lift yourself up other than you taking the time to sit down and thinking about and prioritizing your life issues and "one at a time" try to determine the best path you can take to eventually solve it.
   
"ONE AT A TIME" is the key phrase here.
It is like walking a mile.... one step at a time.
 
In college many times in my years of classes, I was overwhelmed with daunting essay assignments that seemed to be impossible to do.   
The successful method I used there was to write down a rough outline of what the essay was to entail, then, one at a time, I would compose preliminary smaller sections of my essay covering each individual point.  At the end of days or weeks of working on the essay project I could then meld all of the small sections together to successfully complete my essay. 
A task that seemed overwhelmingly impossible was thus completed by writing smaller and more achievable "essays" and then putting them all together.

I trust that you didn't get lost in how I handle my difficulties and formulate solutions to seemingly impossible problems in my life's issues... but I do know that method will work in many areas of our lives and not just in writing essays

Certainly you have seen my replies to other here on this thread and various other threads about keeping a personal journal that you can write to yourself about your life issues.   Since my teen years I have kept a pen and paper journal, complete with doodling, that I write to myself about my life's failures, frustrations, disappointment... and about very importantly about my successes.  Writing that way about my life's events is very good therapy and allows me to ponder my life and to determine the actions that I need to take to solve them  .... "one by one"

For less very personal stuff writing about it here on the Susan's Place Forums is also good therapy.   As you share with other like-minded members, you can then see what they share with you.  Solutions can be discovered by that kind of mutual sharing of ideas and suggestions.  Of course it is entirely up to you whether or not you want to embrace those ideas and suggestions, it is your life and it is your determination and willpower that can help guide you to a higher place.

I sincerity trust that what I have had to say here will provide some clarity for you to get back to and to stay in your happy place.
Please feel free to reply on the Forums or to send me a PM if you might want bounce some more things off of me.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Thank you for taking the time to reply Danielle. I really appreciate it. Yes I'm having a hard time lately, it still isn't finished... seems like I have some ups and then lots of downs.

I do keep a journal as well, have been doing so since last year after it was suggested by my therapist. It really helps me vent and also helps me look back at how I felt some time ago, letting me remember how I got to the point I am today.

[Susan Baum]

My glass is always half full at least. My wife gets a little upset that I don't look at the negatives enough, but life is too short to worry about what could go wrong...

During a recent visit from a cousin I had not seen for more than 20 years, she reminded me of just how dull life can be for a perpetual pragmatist. Every suggestion was met with a "what if..." No sense of adventure, no spontaneity, no joy; her sense of doom and gloom could suck the light out of the sunniest skies. I felt that to her, the glass wasn't just half empty, there was no glass.

When she (thankfully) departed, my mind recoiled with a snippet from our shared past* and a mantra that helped me get to being who I am today:
Anything the mind can conceive is possible. Nothing is impossible. All you have to do is look within, and you can realize your fondest dreams. I would like to wish each one of you all of life's wonders and a joyful age of enlightenment.
Doug Henning (1947-2000)

Gee, it's nice to have the wind in my sails yet again.

Hugs
Susan
* She knew I was a semi-closeted CD when I visited her and her family in NYC in the mid-1970's. We had all gone to Henning's "The Magic Show" and after he said his closing line she elbowed me and said "Well, there you are."

[Northern Star Girl]

During a recent visit from a cousin I had not seen for more than 20 years, she reminded me of just how dull life can be for a perpetual pragmatist. Every suggestion was met with a "what if..." No sense of adventure, no spontaneity, no joy; her sense of doom and gloom could suck the light out of the sunniest skies. I felt that to her, the glass wasn't just half empty, there was no glass.

When she (thankfully) departed, my mind recoiled with a snippet from our shared past and a mantra that helped me get to being who I am today:
Anything the mind can conceive is possible. Nothing is impossible. All you have to do is look within, and you can realize your fondest dreams. I would like to wish each one of you all of life's wonders and a joyful age of enlightenment.
Doug Henning (1947-2000)

Gee, it's nice to have the wind in my sails yet again.

Hugs
Susan

@Susan Baum   .... thank you so much for sharing your story....   oh yeah, being around people that are negative about everything and anything can as you so appropriately stated  "suck the light out of the sunniest skies"

I loved that you included the Doug Henning quote in your reply....  that quote is one of many that I had put in my personal pen and paper journal.  Very inspirational for sure and quite fitting for this thread.

Thank you for posting your reply.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Mikaela]

During a recent visit from a cousin I had not seen for more than 20 years, she reminded me of just how dull life can be for a perpetual pragmatist. Every suggestion was met with a "what if..." No sense of adventure, no spontaneity, no joy; her sense of doom and gloom could suck the light out of the sunniest skies. I felt that to her, the glass wasn't just half empty, there was no glass.

Ha, welcome to the world I was born into! My family of origin is deeply steeped in this fear-based mindset. Learning to release this, a mindset that was alien to who I really am, has been the most liberating experience of my life. For me, life is now insanely fun, deeply satisfying, and always stretching my comfort levels. It would have driven my past self completely bonkers. :-)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Tatiana 79]

 I'm going to get a little off track here but I would like to share my method of defeating negativity.
In 2001 I was involved in a fatal snowmobile accident where the other guy flew over the hill and landed directly up on me he was instantly killed on impact and I thought I was dead to because I took a good shot I was actually afraid to open my eyes to see the afterlife but when I did I was sitting on a flatten snow machine but was saved by a personal miracle that I described in the appropriate forum
I really should of died but a message shot into my head to get out of here now I don't know why but I dove off my sled then seen the next sled crest the hill and go airborne nose diving into my seat then I watched 8 more sleds crash into my destroyed snow machine
I now keep a little piece of my hood positioned in my driveway so I see it every time I go by to remind me that everyday is like a free bonus and no matter how bad things get I can overcome them when I see that little broken piece that reminds me that any problem is really nothing compared to what could have happened.
It made me realize that life is fleeting
And finite and every second spent is a second that's gone for ever
I know it's easier said than done but why should we waste anytime feeling  negitive when we can use that time for positive constructive issues that we all face because as I said every second spent is a second that is gone for ever and we only have so many seconds left in our lives.
That little broken piece of my hood that I see almost everyday has kept me positive all these years because I realize we have no time to waste because we should stay focused on higher priority issues to improve and feel better about our lives.
this works for me but I was really hoping it could work for you to.

[Northern Star Girl]

I'm going to get a little off track here but I would like to share my method of defeating negativity.
In 2001 I was involved in a fatal snowmobile accident where the other guy flew over the hill and landed directly up on me he was instantly killed on impact and I thought I was dead to because I took a good shot I was actually afraid to open my eyes to see the afterlife but when I did I was sitting on a flatten snow machine but was saved by a personal miracle that I described in the appropriate forum
I really should of died but a message shot into my head to get out of here now I don't know why but I dove off my sled then seen the next sled crest the hill and go airborne nose diving into my seat then I watched 8 more sleds crash into my destroyed snow machine
I now keep a little piece of my hood positioned in my driveway so I see it every time I go by to remind me that everyday is like a free bonus and no matter how bad things get I can overcome them when I see that little broken piece that reminds me that any problem is really nothing compared to what could have happened.
It made me realize that life is fleeting
And finite and every second spent is a second that's gone for ever
I know it's easier said than done but why should we waste anytime feeling  negitive when we can use that time for positive constructive issues that we all face because as I said every second spent is a second that is gone for ever and we only have so many seconds left in our lives.
That little broken piece of my hood that I see almost everyday has kept me positive all these years because I realize we have no time to waste because we should stay focused on higher priority issues to improve and feel better about our lives.
this works for me but I was really hoping it could work for you to.

@Tatiana 79
Dear Tatiana:  Not "off track" at all, thank you for your wonderful posting and how you described a very good way to remember that you are indeed lucky and blessed to be alive.... and to continue to cherish every moment that you have.... and why waste those moments being negative....
I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts....  thank you for your reply....
Hugs,
Danielle

***Note to other readers here.... feel free to post your thoughts and please do not worry about "staying on track" here....there is no defined track, so please post your replies and thoughts.

[SadieBlake]

Mikaela, I can totally relate to coming from a family that can only relate to the world from a place of fear.

Danielle, et al,

I guess my main watchword is to remember to come from a place of "yes, and" rather than "yes, but".

Responding specifically to your OP, I'm an inveterate optimist and past master at every strategy you layout in your second post and dozens more. Many of them I worked out for myself and I've learned also to learn from others, how to avoid mistakes and of course how to use a mistake for a learning opportunity.

However -- there's always a however, right -- like nearly all trans people I have had to struggle with depression and I'm a cPTSD survivor, again I think an unfortunately large fraction of our population have to deal with this.

So I refer to "spoon theory" an analogy drawn by Christine Miserandino in a blog post I don't know how long ago - https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/, you can also find a summary of spoon theory on Wikipedia.

Christine used the analogy of 'having enough spoons' to get through the essential tasks of the day, explaining that someone without disabilities or illness essentially has an infinite number of spoons with respect to daily tasks in life.

I have lately chosen to address my relationship with my parent, I've written about that elsewhere. I felt finally able to try that because of a successful transition -- I felt I had enough spoons in a context where I normally have very few. Today, I don't think I had enough spoons for that interaction. My ptsd symptoms are back with a vengeance and I'm struggling with depression for a couple of months now in a way I haven't in a long time. That in turn feels ironic, I've been sitting on the fence with trying to make some sort of peace there for a long time and until now felt that trying to address any kind of closure would just be opening myself for more abusive behavior. My number one tactic is remembering to breath deeply when stress happens. I was remarking to my pshrink last week that even remembering that has been hard lately because my flight/fight response has been so continually triggered.

As of now, I'd have to say I was right in my original assessment and I more than half wish I hadn't tried .. balanced against that, I did try and I'm now free to be out with my extended family so I can see that has a fuller glass when I went in.

So I find your list of tactics isn't sufficient in this instance, I've applied all of them and many more. This is also where I have to differ from the idea that all things one can think of can be done, just as not all problems have solutions, this just isn't true. Yes, I can seek closure without my parent's or family's help, however we all know that's different from obtaining mutual closure. I think with a little more time and distance I'll feel better about where it went.

I'm having a relatively high spoons week, buoyed in no small part by a wonderful pride weekend and some amazing connections I made during and after. It's all good.

[Mikaela]

Mikaela, I can totally relate to coming from a family that can only relate to the world from a place of fear.

Danielle, et al,

I guess my main watchword is to remember to come from a place of "yes, and" rather than "yes, but".

Responding specifically to your OP, I'm an inveterate optimist and past master at every strategy you layout in your second post and dozens more. Many of them I worked out for myself and I've learned also to learn from others, how to avoid mistakes and of course how to use a mistake for a learning opportunity.

However -- there's always a however, right -- like nearly all trans people I have had to struggle with depression and I'm a cPTSD survivor, again I think an unfortunately large fraction of our population have to deal with this.

So I refer to "spoon theory" an analogy drawn by Christine Miserandino in a blog post I don't know how long ago - https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/, you can also find a summary of spoon theory on Wikipedia.

Christine used the analogy of 'having enough spoons' to get through the essential tasks of the day, explaining that someone without disabilities or illness essentially has an infinite number of spoons with respect to daily tasks in life.

I have lately chosen to address my relationship with my parent, I've written about that elsewhere. I felt finally able to try that because of a successful transition -- I felt I had enough spoons in a context where I normally have very few. Today, I don't think I had enough spoons for that interaction. My ptsd symptoms are back with a vengeance and I'm struggling with depression for a couple of months now in a way I haven't in a long time. That in turn feels ironic, I've been sitting on the fence with trying to make some sort of peace there for a long time and until now felt that trying to address any kind of closure would just be opening myself for more abusive behavior. My number one tactic is remembering to breath deeply when stress happens. I was remarking to my pshrink last week that even remembering that has been hard lately because my flight/fight response has been so continually triggered.

As of now, I'd have to say I was right in my original assessment and I more than half wish I hadn't tried .. balanced against that, I did try and I'm now free to be out with my extended family so I can see that has a fuller glass when I went in.

So I find your list of tactics isn't sufficient in this instance, I've applied all of them and many more. This is also where I have to differ from the idea that all things one can think of can be done, just as not all problems have solutions, this just isn't true. Yes, I can seek closure without my parent's or family's help, however we all know that's different from obtaining mutual closure. I think with a little more time and distance I'll feel better about where it went.

I'm having a relatively high spoons week, buoyed in no small part by a wonderful pride weekend and some amazing connections I made during and after. It's all good.

I had the spoon theory explained to my by a family member who suffers from Croen's, and it was really effective in giving me insight on her life experience and limitations.  It also gave me an enhanced gratitude for my health.

Maybe my own family will grow enough some day to be able to love without judgement, and honor boundaries, but letting go of any expectation of that frees us all up. I no longer am drained energetically by efforts to raise up others, and they can shift focus to whomever is next in line as scapegoat.

Today I saw a meme:

"Choose one: to move on, to let go, or to start over"

My response was "Let go so you can move on and start over."

It does no good to hold on the people, situations or beliefs that are holding you back...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Northern Star Girl]

Dear @Mikaela and @SadieBlake :
Thank you so very much for your reply postings and also for having a cordial and meaningful exchange between yourselves with your comments here.

This is exactly what this thread is supposed to do, to promote encouragement and individual thoughts and ideas about how to approach life in a way that we can all be successful in our individual endeavors.

The thoughts that you shared among yourselves and openly for all to read on this thread will absolutely benefit all of us that have read what you have stated.

THANK YOU !!!
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[Tatiana 79]

Hello Danielle
I think negativity/failure are getting a little bit of a bum rap here. I now stand in defense of negativity with a few common sense ideas.

negativity could be considered an obstacle.   humans need obstacles in our life to overcome or we'll just stagnate.

No advancement could be made without failure. Do you really think that something like the airplane was invented on the very first attempt, of course not it was years and years of failure that taught us what we need to do to get it right. If we keep building on the shoulders of failure  time and time again we are gaining insight and knowledge each time we fail, leaving us that much closer to success.

without negativity/failure we would never have to dig deep with motivation which would result in no progress.

Can we keep our positive mindset 24/7 with it constantly growing stronger. Of course not it's negativity/failure that acts like a limiting automatic control system to keep us in reality.

A thorough understanding of how negativity/failure that actually hurts us will lead us to the answers to help us. You must know what it takes to make a system work or you will never figure out the reason why it does not.

Negativity/Failure  Defines our limits.
It lets us know what we can do and what we cannot, without this we could never feel progress going through a barrier that previously held us back

There would be no perception of positive  without the negative. Reminds me of the saying, if at first we do not succeed then try try again.

These are just a few ideas  my low functioning E deprived brain could produce this morning. Running out of coffee certainly didn't help either.

   Tatiana

[pamelatransuk]

Hello everyone

Forgive me if this may seem the obvious point for this thread but I think it worthy of mention.

Negativity: There has always been a societal disapproval and anti-reaction to transgender matters whether to people like us or just to the subject matter for several different reasons. Essentially intolerance or ignorance.

Positivity:  Transgender matters are now more in the public domain. There is some scientific evidence to support us. Medical professionals are becoming more knowledgeable. We are rapidly growing as a population. Young cispeople and some not so young accept us. Young transpeople can transition while still young. This is gradual and we still have a long way to go. But we are beginning to see some tolerance and some understanding in society.

Times are changing! We are winning!

Hugs to all

Pamela

[Jayne01]

Hello Danielle
I think negativity/failure are getting a little bit of a bum rap here. I now stand in defense of negativity with a few common sense ideas.

negativity could be considered an obstacle.   humans need obstacles in our life to overcome or we'll just stagnate.

No advancement could be made without failure. Do you really think that something like the airplane was invented on the very first attempt, of course not it was years and years of failure that taught us what we need to do to get it right. If we keep building on the shoulders of failure  time and time again we are gaining insight and knowledge each time we fail, leaving us that much closer to success.

without negativity/failure we would never have to dig deep with motivation which would result in no progress.

Can we keep our positive mindset 24/7 with it constantly growing stronger. Of course not it's negativity/failure that acts like a limiting automatic control system to keep us in reality.

A thorough understanding of how negativity/failure that actually hurts us will lead us to the answers to help us. You must know what it takes to make a system work or you will never figure out the reason why it does not.

Negativity/Failure  Defines our limits.
It lets us know what we can do and what we cannot, without this we could never feel progress going through a barrier that previously held us back

There would be no perception of positive  without the negative. Reminds me of the saying, if at first we do not succeed then try try again.

These are just a few ideas  my low functioning E deprived brain could produce this morning. Running out of coffee certainly didn't help either.

   Tatiana

Hi Tatiana,

I think negativity and failure are two different things. Everything you have described is a positive mindset following failures. The saying, "if at first we do not succeed then try try again" is exactly how someone with a positive mindset would think. If they were negative, they would give up after their first failed attempt.

Failure is not necessarily a negative thing, how one reacts to failure determines whether it is a positive or negative approach.

I think you have said everything that Danielle has tried to promote with this thread and are simply using the words negativity, positivity and failure in different ways. In other words, you are both saying the same thing. That is how it sounds to me, anyway.

Hugs,
Jayne

[Tatiana 79]

Thanks Jayne
Me and failure have  lifelong best friends as is shown here.
and what this taught me was I probably should have stayed away from this one.
but all I can do is try and I don't take any of your words as criticism but as caring enough to help me. Thank you
   Tatiana