Positive Mindset... put away negativity

[Northern Star Girl]

Hi Rowan,

Your statement above, which I have highlighted is my understanding of what this thread is all about. We all experience negatives in our lives. There is no such thing as a "perfect" utopian world. I would actually find such a world a little creepy and uncomfortable. It is the way we deal with the negatives that makes all the difference in our mental well being. You said it perfectly.... "understanding and resolution of the negative, including self forgiveness." To me, that is the definition of having a positive mindset.

Hugs,
Jayne

@Jayne01      @Sno (Rowan)
Dear Jayne and Rowan:  Exactly correct.

As  @Sno  stated and @Jayne01 restated: "celebration and joy for the positive; and understanding and resolution of the negative, including self forgiveness."    

In my opinion "understanding and resolution of the negative" comes about primarily because of a positive mindset.

.... and @Sno ... you also stated:  "Personally, a 'positive' only mindset strikes me as equally unbalanced as a 'negative only' mindset"     
Sno (Rowan) Of course you are entitled to your opinion but I have a difficult time agreeing with what you said about a positive only mindset being unbalanced.... frankly I consider a positive and optimistic mindset the key to having a happy and productive life...  most people that we come across in our life are not usually attracted to and do not want to be around negative people with a negative mindset... that alone makes having negative attitudes that are not resolved a real handicap in all facets of life... relationships, employment opportunities, business and sales tasks, family, financial dealings, romantic endeavors, etc.

Thank you both for your comments....
Thanks for reading and following my thread.  Your comments and opinions are always welcome.  I look forward to seeing more of your reply comments in the future.
Hugs,
Danielle

[sarah1972]

Hahaha! I can totally buy into this!

I just got this in an email from a very good friend of mine... 
....she seems to know me very well!!!   
I guess that I might have annoyed her occasionally with my optimistic and positive attitude about things.
Danielle

[Sno]

Danielle,

I cherish the thought that you can see the world this way, and optimistically carry on.

Keep on grrl

Rowan

[Northern Star Girl]

Danielle,

I cherish the though that you can see the world this way, and optimistically carry on.

Keep on grrl

Rowan

@Sno
Dear Rowan: Thank you for your reply and kind thoughts.... 
... we all have our lives to live as we ourselves see fit.

We just don't know what things another person is going through, we can offer suggestions and support but it is most certainly their decision on how to handle their issues, good or bad.

Thanks again for your reply... come here often and post your thoughts.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[Sephirah]

Something I thought I'd share about my own personal experiences with a negative mindset.

It isn't so much negativity, as it is acceptance. An acceptance that things are the way they are and there's nothing you can do to change them. A resignation, if you like. Maybe someone has told you something, or you've been led to believe something... and that little voice inside you tells you that you might as well just accept it because whoever or whatever it is knows better than you.

It's like... hmm... suppose you're led into a room with no windows and a chair in the middle of it. And the person who takes you in there tells you that because there's no light from the sun, the room is dark. They tell you that because there is no windows you have to go and sit in the chair, in the dark. So you can choose to accept that, or you can choose to look for a light switch on the wall.

This is kind of the difference for me. It's the desire to look for a way around things. To not blindly accept what we've been told. Or even sometimes what we believe. Positivity doesn't always necessarily mean believing that everything is awesome and full of sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it just means looking for a way to make things better for yourself in spite of things you've been led to believe to the contrary. It means sometimes just thinking things can be better. Sometimes you just have to look for the light switch. To believe that no matter how much life tells you that it's all darkness... that there's a way to make it light. You just have to find it. To believe there's something there to find.

It's not always easy. It's not always successful. But it's always a choice. A choice we all have. A choice to not surrender control to someone or something else. But to keep it for ourselves. To control how we want our own lives to be. And how we want to live it.

[Northern Star Girl]

Something I thought I'd share about my own personal experiences with a negative mindset.

It isn't so much negativity, as it is acceptance. An acceptance that things are the way they are and there's nothing you can do to change them. A resignation, if you like. Maybe someone has told you something, or you've been led to believe something... and that little voice inside you tells you that you might as well just accept it because whoever or whatever it is knows better than you.

It's like... hmm... suppose you're led into a room with no windows and a chair in the middle of it. And the person who takes you in there tells you that because there's no light from the sun, the room is dark. They tell you that because there is no windows you have to go and sit in the chair, in the dark. So you can choose to accept that, or you can choose to look for a light switch on the wall.

This is kind of the difference for me. It's the desire to look for a way around things. To not blindly accept what we've been told. Or even sometimes what we believe. Positivity doesn't always necessarily mean believing that everything is awesome and full of sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it just means looking for a way to make things better for yourself in spite of things you've been led to believe to the contrary. It means sometimes just thinking things can be better. Sometimes you just have to look for the light switch. To believe that no matter how much life tells you that it's all darkness... that there's a way to make it light. You just have to find it. To believe there's something there to find.

It's not always easy. It's not always successful. But it's always a choice. A choice we all have. A choice to not surrender control to someone or something else. But to keep it for ourselves. To control how we want our own lives to be. And how we want to live it.

@Sephirah    Exactly correct...  this is what this thread is all about, how to turn negatives into seeking solutions to turn them into positives.   I know that my readers are tired of hearing this from me but these quotes that I use often that many attribute to Winston Churchill during the dark times of WW2...  sums up my outlook on life and how I try to deal with difficult times.
                       
                       "A Pessimist sees Difficulty in every Opportunity;
                           An Optimist sees Opportunity in every Difficulty."         '

              "For myself I am an optimist -
                  it does not seem to be much use to be anything else."

Thank you for sharing your thoughts... please come here often and comment often.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Sno]

For some, it's not a choice. It's a product of conditioning, rearing and self preservation.

Maybe someone has told you something, or you've been led to believe something... and that little voice inside you tells you that you might as well just accept it because whoever or whatever it is knows better than you.

What follows is from my internal family system, trying to express how we feel.

We are hurt, and invalidated.
We are the product of abuse and dysfunction. Our world has holes. Where praise, compliments and joy can pass clean through.
We would love to be able to just not believe it, we would love the company of an inner voice although it may not like our screams in the darkness.
We know the holes cannot be filled. We know that we cannot grow back in those spaces, that is gone, forever.
We are the screaming infant, and the box, and the box for the box.
We are conditioned to silence ourselves.
We are brought up to understand that we are nothing.
We exist despite all of this, and struggle each day with that knowledge.
We are a breeding product, an unwanted, undesired, undesirable commodity valued solely on our worth to others.
And yet they couldn't annihilate love. That is all that remains.


Rowan

[krobinson103]

For some, it's not a choice. It's a product of conditioning, rearing and self preservation.

What follows is from my internal family system, trying to express how we feel.

We are hurt, and invalidated.
We are the product of abuse and dysfunction. Our world has holes. Where praise, compliments and joy can pass clean through.
We would love to be able to just not believe it, we would love the company of an inner voice although it may not like our screams in the darkness.
We know the holes cannot be filled. We know that we cannot grow back in those spaces, that is gone, forever.
We are the screaming infant, and the box, and the box for the box.
We are conditioned to silence ourselves.
We are brought up to understand that we are nothing.
We exist despite all of this, and struggle each day with that knowledge.
We are a breeding product, an unwanted, undesired, undesirable commodity valued solely on our worth to others.
And yet they couldn't annihilate love. That is all that remains.


Rowan

I sense hope in that but a lot of self doubt. There is acceptance of the impossible. I can't be shorter or having smaller bones, or change the fact that my rib cage is quite large. These i can't change. And yet, to focus on the struggle seems self defeating. There is only the here and now;

The past is behind you, learn from it (note don't dwell on it!)
The future is yet unwritten
The present is where are we are and where we can make a difference.

So look at the good in every moment of every day. Treasure your children and your friends, your husband/wife and extended family and live not in dread or shame but in the MOMENT because now is what matters. Not before or after. Do your job however boring as best as you can. be there for the people in your life, make time for you, and most of all learn to accept yourself, your past, your mistakes, your triumphs, your body, and your situation.

Change comes from within and can only be driven by hope. To lose hope is stop living. You only get one life. To focus on the can't is to lose sight of your right to have dreams and be happy REGARDLESS of what anyone says. The very last line in the movie "the shawshank redemption" is "I hope" If you can say that with conviction every day then stuff can change.

[Northern Star Girl]

I sense hope in that but a lot of self doubt. There is acceptance of the impossible. I can't be shorter or having smaller bones, or change the fact that my rib cage is quite large. These i can't change. And yet, to focus on the struggle seems self defeating. There is only the here and now;

The past is behind you, learn from it (note don't dwell on it!)
The future is yet unwritten
The present is where are we are and where we can make a difference.

So look at the good in every moment of every day. Treasure your children and your friends, your husband/wife and extended family and live not in dread or shame but in the MOMENT because now is what matters. Not before or after. Do your job however boring as best as you can. be there for the people in your life, make time for you, and most of all learn to accept yourself, your past, your mistakes, your triumphs, your body, and your situation.

Change comes from within and can only be driven by hope. To lose hope is stop living. You only get one life. To focus on the can't is to lose sight of your right to have dreams and be happy REGARDLESS of what anyone says. The very last line in the movie "the shawshank redemption" is "I hope" If you can say that with conviction every day then stuff can change.

@krobinson103 .... wow, very thoughtful and well written.  You provided a wealth of helpful and encouraging suggestions and advice that can be helpful for many that have crippling self-doubt and need hope to conquer their issues.
Thank you for your reply posting.  Please come here and comment often.

Hugs,
Danielle

[Sno]

Hi sweetie,

I've cPTSD, have been classically conditioned ,(yeah just like one of Pavlov's dogs), and am codependent so all pleasure/satisfaction comes from assisting others to achieve their goals - one of the cycles that I'm trying to break is that I count for nothing and must come last, (amongst others). A part of that diagnosis is PTSD from dental/medical environments (hence why transitioning is out of the question). For me every moment is shameful, and equally dreaded.

These are conditioned beliefs, they are subconsciously held, and the conscious thought pattern is set in motion before I've even realised, so I continue to traumatise myself.

The care, nurture and support is all that remains of me; when I am unable to help, it makes me feel awful.

The one hope I have is that one day all of this will end, one day the war between my conscious rational mind and my destructive subconscious will be over.

So why have I contributed to this thread?

Quite simple.

If I can help, or empathise, understand, listen, support or cheer from the bleachers to help someone achieve hopes and dreams that they never thought possible ( hey @Jayne01 ) then there has been some positive outcome from my existence.
Yes, I have mental health issues, I do understand.
Yes, I've been physically, emotionally and sexually abused, I do understand and if talking with me helps folk just a little, even if it's just a short reply that it's ok, then that is enough.

Rowan

[Jayne01]

Hi sweetie,

I've cPTSD, have been classically conditioned ,(yeah just like one of Pavlov's dogs), and am codependent so all pleasure/satisfaction comes from assisting others to achieve their goals - one of the cycles that I'm trying to break is that I count for nothing and must come last, (amongst others). A part of that diagnosis is PTSD from dental/medical environments (hence why transitioning is out of the question). For me every moment is shameful, and equally dreaded.

These are conditioned beliefs, they are subconsciously held, and the conscious thought pattern is set in motion before I've even realised, so I continue to traumatise myself.

The care, nurture and support is all that remains of me; when I am unable to help, it makes me feel awful.

The one hope I have is that one day all of this will end, one day the war between my conscious rational mind and my destructive subconscious will be over.

So why have I contributed to this thread?

Quite simple.

If I can help, or empathise, understand, listen, support or cheer from the bleachers to help someone achieve hopes and dreams that they never thought possible ( hey @Jayne01 ) then there has been some positive outcome from my existence.
Yes, I have mental health issues, I do understand.
Yes, I've been physically, emotionally and sexually abused, I do understand and if talking with me helps folk just a little, even if it's just a short reply that it's ok, then that is enough.

Rowan

Hey Rowan,

Yes, there has been plenty of positive outcome from your existence. You said you get pleasure and satisfaction from helping others, then you should be happy and satisfied knowing that you have helped me and I'm sure many others here on the forum.

I am very sorry you have to live with past life traumas and current mental health issues. I can't begin to imagine what that feels like for you. You are helping others get through rough times, which helps you. So in effect, you are helping yourself by helping others. That is something to be proud of. No reason for you to come last amongst others. We are all on a level playground field, each with our own personal issues. We are all equal. You count for something, just as we all do.

Thank you for your contributions on this thread and throughout the forum.

Hugs,
Jayne

[GingerVicki]

Something I thought I'd share about my own personal experiences with a negative mindset.

It isn't so much negativity, as it is acceptance. An acceptance that things are the way they are and there's nothing you can do to change them. A resignation, if you like. Maybe someone has told you something, or you've been led to believe something... and that little voice inside you tells you that you might as well just accept it because whoever or whatever it is knows better than you.

It's like... hmm... suppose you're led into a room with no windows and a chair in the middle of it. And the person who takes you in there tells you that because there's no light from the sun, the room is dark. They tell you that because there is no windows you have to go and sit in the chair, in the dark. So you can choose to accept that, or you can choose to look for a light switch on the wall.

This is kind of the difference for me. It's the desire to look for a way around things. To not blindly accept what we've been told. Or even sometimes what we believe. Positivity doesn't always necessarily mean believing that everything is awesome and full of sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it just means looking for a way to make things better for yourself in spite of things you've been led to believe to the contrary. It means sometimes just thinking things can be better. Sometimes you just have to look for the light switch. To believe that no matter how much life tells you that it's all darkness... that there's a way to make it light. You just have to find it. To believe there's something there to find.

It's not always easy. It's not always successful. But it's always a choice. A choice we all have. A choice to not surrender control to someone or something else. But to keep it for ourselves. To control how we want our own lives to be. And how we want to live it.

Wow! This is inspirational.

[Northern Star Girl]

In the mail today at my office, I just received some promotional material and posters for my business window....

           "Financial and Retirement Goals Just Don't Happen"  

Well, it is a wise statement for sure, but it also applies to nearly all of us on the Forums here....
.... our life changing transtion goals just don't happen.... plans and decisions, sometime difficult decisions, have to be made and followed up on and adjustments made as needed during our journey.

Hang in there everyone.... be positive with your approach to your transition journey...

Please feel free to chime in here with any of your comments or thoughts any time you wish.
Thank you for reading and following this thread, it is meant to encourage everyone that reads it.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[JudiBlueEyes]

You're correct Danielle.  In my collection of quotes is this pearl from Winston Churchill  "Plans are of little importance, but planning is essential."

Sometimes we can get bogged down with making sure we have all the details ironed out and we get stuck in paralysis.  I learned in business and life to have good concrete short term goals, and broader ones as the time frame expands.  Things change and we must be adaptable.  Survival is for the fittest and the smartest! 
Judi

[Northern Star Girl]

You're correct Danielle.  In my collection of quotes is this pearl from Winston Churchill  "Plans are of little importance, but planning is essential."

Sometimes we can get bogged down with making sure we have all the details ironed out and we get stuck in paralysis.  I learned in business and life to have good concrete short term goals, and broader ones as the time frame expands.  Things change and we must be adaptable.  Survival is for the fittest and the smartest! 
Judi

@JudiBlueEyes
Dear Judi: 
Well ... it is becoming apparent to me lately with some of your postings that I have finally met another avid Winston Churchill fan....   he had authored so many terrific and helpful quotations, especially during England's dark days of WW2, he was an inspiration to and built up the confidence of the British citizens to overcome grave and life threatening circumstances.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts... you are always most welcome to post your comments here and on my other threads as you have been already doing.

Hugs,
Danielle

[krobinson103]

As per request some musings from my journal thread...

Today I want to talk about anxiety and fear and the effect it has on everything.

I've been looking at my professional journalling for work, re reading some of this rather long thread, and reflecting on life lately. I see a pattern I see a person who knew She was unhappy but did nothing about, knew that the status quo would lead to steady dissolution of the present situation but was stopped by fear.

On anxiety you don't even know its there if it hangs around long enough because it becomes normal. Being hyper aware and defensive is a way of life. Self doubt and fear of failure become loud and internal conflict between what you know to be true and what you think should be true take over.

Fear becomes a wall stopping self growth, or even happiness. Fear pervades every part of your life. Fear of failure, fear of letting people down, fear of reactions. Yet I have learned that fear is not a weakness but a source of strength. Every fear I face sets me up to face a larger one that has more effect on my life. This leads to success which bolsters self esteem and gives me the courage to face even larger challenges.

Since I started on hrt and transitioned towards being me I have received many comments along the lines of "you are a different person." They are right, and wrong. I think where I am now is the person I have always been but with so many self made barriers in the way that She never got a chance to be expressed. These barriers come from childhood trauma and the idea that if no one ever gets close then you can't be hurt. So yes I am the person I really should be but there is nothing new there.

On self image. Get up feel at home in your body. Look in the mirror, smile and say looking good. Compare that to a year ago. Get up damn horrible body, can't look in mirror. See a woman walk past (any woman) and think "lifes not fair". You know what? Life does provide opportunity if you look for it in every moment of every day. A small change today and the next day  and so on leads to big goals.

If I ask myself the questions today "Am I anxious?" the answer is no. "Am I dysphoric?" No. "Do I know where I am going and how I get there?" Yes.

In the opening entry to this journal I wrote "today is a totally awesome day". I want to change that statement. to say;

Every day is a totally awesome day
Every day provides opportunities and challenges
Every challenge leads to an opportunity
Every fear faced leads to one more strength
Every strength leads to greater success
Success leads to self esteem
Self Esteem leads to happiness.
Cherish every day.

[Northern Star Girl]

@krobinson103
Thank you so much for posting your summary of your transition story.  It is definitely very encouraging for others to read and to see how your positive attitude provides inspiration to overcome difficult issues ...and has helped you to reach happy conclusions and successes in your journey...

The last 8 lines of your posting is most appropriate and good advice for how we can live with a positive mindset.

Thank you again for sharing your thoughts.
Hugs and well wishes... please feel free to post here often.
Danielle

[Tatiana 79]

Hello Danielle
After feeling the very first sensations of HRT and feeling comfortable for the very first time in my life in my new softer skin and thinking more coherently which feels absolutely WONDERFUL. I know that my life is definitely going from the negative to the positive. I kind of wanted to say that negativity won't exist in my life anymore but I know this is not reality.

If we look to Nature or physical laws meaning physics we definitely could learn the natural Order of Things.
Let's compare it to the battery in your car to see that the negative is essential in our lives.
Electrons are negatively charged and so are attracted to the positive end of your battery but they are repelled by the negative end. electron flow can only go from negative to positive.
This is a law of physics that cannot be broken.
We to have no choice but to obey these laws as we are made up of many many atoms.
There are actually more atoms in one human eye than there are stars in the known Cosmos.
We too are children of the cosmos with all our atoms of our body being created in Supernova explosions a very long time ago and a very far away place.
We too are subject to these physical laws that cannot be broken.

So the natural order of things is always from negative to positive.

The trick is how do we apply this to our everyday lives, and we must flow like electrons being repelled by the negative to the positive.
we too must be repelled from any negative situation towards the positive.
I know that this is easier said than done but just realizing that the natural order of things in nature always goes from negative to positive might help a little.
I know that this is a bit out there but well so am l.
And I know there's no track to follow in this thread so I tried to use nature to set an example for all of us to try to follow.
   Love Tatiana

[pamelatransuk]

KRobinson

I see you have followed my advice and copied from your thread to this thread.

What a wonderful attitude you now possess. I find your present state certainly a form of motivation.

Anyone reading either thread should receive great inspiration as you overcome each step, remove each form of fear and gradually reach the promised land of happiness.

Hugs

Pamela

[Northern Star Girl]

Hello Danielle
After feeling the very first sensations of HRT and feeling comfortable for the very first time in my life in my new softer skin and thinking more coherently which feels absolutely WONDERFUL. I know that my life is definitely going from the negative to the positive. I kind of wanted to say that negativity won't exist in my life anymore but I know this is not reality.

If we look to Nature or physical laws meaning physics we definitely could learn the natural Order of Things.
Let's compare it to the battery in your car to see that the negative is essential in our lives.
Electrons are negatively charged and so are attracted to the positive end of your battery but they are repelled by the negative end. electron flow can only go from negative to positive.
This is a law of physics that cannot be broken.
We to have no choice but to obey these laws as we are made up of many many atoms.
There are actually more atoms in one human eye than there are stars in the known Cosmos.
We too are children of the cosmos with all our atoms of our body being created in Supernova explosions a very long time ago and a very far away place.
We too are subject to these physical laws that cannot be broken.

So the natural order of things is always from negative to positive.

The trick is how do we apply this to our everyday lives, and we must flow like electrons being repelled by the negative to the positive.
we too must be repelled from any negative situation towards the positive.
I know that this is easier said than done but just realizing that the natural order of things in nature always goes from negative to positive might help a little.
I know that this is a bit out there but well so am l.
And I know there's no track to follow in this thread so I tried to use nature to set an example for all of us to try to follow.
   Love Tatiana

@Tatiana 79
Dear Tatiana: 
Your interesting treatise regarding the natural order of things is quite good.
   
To add on to that just a little, in the natural universe, energy and heat entropy is the key to the end of everything... left on it's own entropy will result in negative growth, lead to dis-organization, and complete disorder....
......UNLESS we make a sustained constant effort to change our lives for the good and for the positive results that we want.   
When we get despondent and depressed, things will naturally get worse unless there is some kind of intervention coming from within ourselves or with the assistance from a counselor.

Just my opinion, that is all.

Again Tatiana, thank you for your reply post here on this thread.   
Your comments and thoughts are ALWAYS welcome.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle