Positive Mindset... put away negativity

[Maddie]

When I feel frustrated and angry I often call myself a loser and verbally berate myself.

When this happens lately, I have immediately countered this by verbalizing "I am better than this", "I am good" or "I am thankful" using the same powerful emotions that I felt when saying the negative stuff a moment earlier.

Transforming negative into positive in my life seems essential for handling these other transformations going on.

[Northern Star Girl]

When I feel frustrated and angry I often call myself a loser and verbally berate myself.

When this happens lately, I have immediately countered this by verbalizing "I am better than this", "I am good" or "I am thankful" using the same powerful emotions that I felt when saying the negative stuff a moment earlier.

Transforming negative into positive in my life seems essential for handling these other transformations going on.

@Maddie:
Dear Maddie:    Exactly the right thing to do.  
I find that when I write in my journal about my difficult moments and then soon after or even much later read over what I wrote, it is a catalyst for me to postulate positive things I can do to overcome my difficulties...

Writing about your positive things and your negative things in your personal journey is very good therapy...  I advise all of my friends to get a journal and start making entrees.   I personally have an old-school pen and paper journal complete with colorful doodling and perhaps some photos.   On a cold and rainy night I will sometimes sit down in my comfy chair in front of my fireplace and contemplate my situation and also realize that I am truly blessed compared to what could have been...

There are many helpful and positive thoughts posted by all that visit here...  I might suggest that you take some time to go back to the beginning of this thread and glean whatever information and suggestions that may be helpful in a variety of situations that you may encounter.

Thank you for posting and sharing your thoughts.
Best wishes to you,
Danielle

[pamelatransuk]

Hello again Danielle

I have a couple of thoughts on this subject today of which the first should apply to many of us and the second to a proportion of us.

1. Having decided in 2017 to take positive action on my transgender situation by therapy and then starting HRT Feb 8th, I am definitely feeling better myself both physically and emotionally and feeling better ABOUT myself. I was previously incessantly pessimistic and regularly depressed. I am now much less so and instead regularly "above the line". I am starting to enjoy life and to love myself. I am starting to be more interested (than I was) in others. I feel so grateful.

2. Today is the day in the Northern Hemisphere which has the least daylight. It is only light for 7 hours and for the 7 hours it is often dull and dreary and hence on some days never properly light. I am affected to some degree by SAD. I am delighted that daylight increases wef tomorrow. I shall appreciate the daylight time becoming longer over the next 6 months and being OK for 8 months (roughly Feb 21st to Oct 21st). I can tolerate the cold - there have already been a few nights here in UK with freezing temperatures and it will be colder in Jan/Feb with some daytime temperatures of around freezing point. However in my opinion the constant darkness is worse. But from tomorrow I and many others will feel so much better!

I know Alaska is both colder and darker longer than UK. Keep warm. Keep bright. I truly appreciate all your inspirational and uplifting comments. I see you as a friend to me and to many.

I wish you a Happy Christmas.

Special Hugs for Christmas

Pamela  xxxx

[davina61]

Was feeling a bit peed of with my damaged wrist but I think the increase in HRT is kicking in , I trust in fate as something always seem to turn out for me . Glass 1/2 full , well it was but just drank it. Well it was red and had it with cheese and crackers!!!!

[Zoey421]

I have learned over the years of managing depression and anxiety that the power of positive thinking is very strong.

A key to healthy living is to be realistic as well and focus on behaviours. TG people are not bad people, we are loving, strong, intelligent, driven, successful, etc. We can't control what other people think and worrying about this is wasted energy. What we can do is be active to help people understand how we identify with ourselves, what it means to be TG, and tell them we are the same people before we accepted ourselves, probably even better people because we accept our feminine identity (MtF) or male identity (FtM) and diminish our conflicted state of being.

Acceptance is the first step to positive thinking.

Stop to reflect before reacting. The act of "pausing" allows us to be present and positive.

Focus on behaviours, what we do.

Have strength in our belief that we are better today than yesterday.

Focus on the now and take small steps.

Hugs Zoey

[Jenny1969]

This is an awesome thread.   I will be coming here daily of course !!

[pamelatransuk]

Some of you may have noticed that some UK Members of this wonderful and brilliant website Susans are having a Meet Up in March having previously had a successful Meet Up last September (which I could not attend as away on holiday/vacation).

As you may know I am coming up 11 months HRT and I will publicly transition when I move house in 2019.

However I am motivated to travel and to attend the UK Meet Up on March 16th as Pamela.

I have the confidence and the drive to prepare and then to actually do it!

That is a positive mindset, I believe.

Hugs to all

Pamela  xx

[Northern Star Girl]

This is an awesome thread.   I will be coming here daily of course !!

@Jenny1969
Dear Jenny:
Yes indeed, please come here often.  Also, please feel free to chime in with your thoughts that follow along with the subject of this thread and the other posts and comments that you see here.
Thanks for reading and following.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

@pamelatransuk
Dear Pamela:
Thank you for your well wishes.... I trust that you had a very Merry Christmas and will have a prosperous NEW YEAR...   
Thank you for your last 2 recent comment replies.  I will address each one below:

1)   Regarding your positive steps that you mentioned that you took in 2017 to start your transition journey I was glad to read that you are no longer as depressed and as pessimistic as you mentioned you once were...   and as you stated, being more positive about yourself allowed you to start to enjoying life and to loving yourself.
      You had mentioned about the short daylight and long nights in the winter time; I am aware that there are a lot of people that are adversely affected with almost constant darkness ... and the cold.   
Frankly, here where I live,  I enjoy the dramatic change of seasons here especially between the long daylight hours and warmer temperatures of summer... and... the long nighttime darkness and colder temperatures in the winter.   
I am just very thankful that in this day and age we have the modern conveniences of electricity, artificial light, heat, transportation, plentiful food and water, etc.

2)   I was pleased to see that you posted interesting information about the upcoming UK Susan's Place Meetup in March this year.   
Please, I want you to feel free to post more about that event on any of my threads and of course other threads around the Forums.   
     It is always so affirming to personally meet and greet with other like-minded Forums members that perhaps we have only exchanged comments with over the internet...
.... and regarding the fact that you are now 11 months into your HRT and your stated "positive mindset" to publicly transition in this new year, move to a new home, and to drive and attend the March meetup as "Pamela" is all very wonderful news and will be an exciting and affirming time for you.

Please continue being involved in the Forums as you have been doing, I am always happy to read your comments on the various threads that you post on.

Hugs and well wishes to you in this NEW YEAR in 2019
Danielle

Hello again Danielle

I have a couple of thoughts on this subject today of which the first should apply to many of us and the second to a proportion of us.

1. Having decided in 2017 to take positive action on my transgender situation by therapy and then starting HRT Feb 8th, I am definitely feeling better myself both physically and emotionally and feeling better ABOUT myself. I was previously incessantly pessimistic and regularly depressed. I am now much less so and instead regularly "above the line". I am starting to enjoy life and to love myself. I am starting to be more interested (than I was) in others. I feel so grateful.

2. Today is the day in the Northern Hemisphere which has the least daylight. It is only light for 7 hours and for the 7 hours it is often dull and dreary and hence on some days never properly light. I am affected to some degree by SAD. I am delighted that daylight increases wef tomorrow. I shall appreciate the daylight time becoming longer over the next 6 months and being OK for 8 months (roughly Feb 21st to Oct 21st). I can tolerate the cold - there have already been a few nights here in UK with freezing temperatures and it will be colder in Jan/Feb with some daytime temperatures of around freezing point. However in my opinion the constant darkness is worse. But from tomorrow I and many others will feel so much better!

I know Alaska is both colder and darker longer than UK. Keep warm. Keep bright. I truly appreciate all your inspirational and uplifting comments. I see you as a friend to me and to many.

I wish you a Happy Christmas.

Special Hugs for Christmas

Pamela  xxxx

Some of you may have noticed that some UK Members of this wonderful and brilliant website Susans are having a Meet Up in March having previously had a successful Meet Up last September (which I could not attend as away on holiday/vacation).

As you may know I am coming up 11 months HRT and I will publicly transition when I move house in 2019.

However I am motivated to travel and to attend the UK Meet Up on March 16th as Pamela.

I have the confidence and the drive to prepare and then to actually do it!

That is a positive mindset, I believe.

Hugs to all

Pamela  xx

[pamelatransuk]

Thank you Danielle for your kindness and encouragement and support.

May I also wish you a Happy and Prosperous New Year.

Hugs

Pamela  xx

[Jenny1969]

Is a fake positive still a positive?     Hmmmmmmmmm

[MadisonJoan]

That's been my goal is to be more positive in 2019.  I must admit I've been a negative ->-bleeped-<-.  I also realize that women have a more positive outlook on live than men do. 

[Northern Star Girl]

That's been my goal is to be more positive in 2019.  I must admit I've been a negative ->-bleeped-<-.  I also realize that women have a more positive outlook on live than men do.

@MadisonJoan
Thank you for finding my thread and sharing your thoughts.... 
... here is some additional information about women versus men regarding depression and negative attitudes.

        https://www.psycom.net/depression.central.women.html

Here are some excerpts from the LINK above...  more information can be found in the LINK

"Depression is almost twice as likely to affect women than men and tends to have different contributing causes in women than it does in men. Contributing factors include reproductive hormones, a differing female response to stress, and social pressures that are unique to a woman's life experiences."

"Women are more prone to psychological causes of depression than men. With a tendency to be more emotional, women are more likely to rehash negative thoughts during bouts of depression. While it is a normal response to cry, talk with friends, and rehash why it is you are in your depressive state, research has shown that ruminating about depression can cause it to last longer and even make it worse. In contrast, men tend to distract themselves from their depressive state – which has been shown to reduce the duration of symptoms. Additional psychological factors that tend to affect women over men are negative body images and stress-induced depression. Women are more prone to stress than men because their increased levels of progesterone have been shown to prevent stress hormones from leveling out. Negative body image issues usually begin in adolescence and seem to be correlated with the onset of puberty in women."

Thank you MadisonJoan for posting here, you are always welcome to share what is on your mind.
Hugs,
Danielle

[MadisonJoan]

Lots of hugs and positive energy, Danielle!  Love ya beautiful!

[Northern Star Girl]

                      Don't be a Quitter !!!

          The one thing that is worse than a quitter
          is the person who is afraid to begin.

          A quitter never wins and winner never quits.

          Be very sure that you are wrong before you quit.

[JudiBlueEyes]

This reminds me of one of my favorites (sorry I didn't check back to see if it had been posted before).

"Tough times don't last, tough people do." - Robert Schuller

[Ann W]

I can't think of anyone I know who is more positive than Danielle.

I have mixed feelings about posting this. I've been struggling for months over my alienation from people in general. For years, I had a work schedule that made socializing virtually impossible. It took some doing, but I finally got it changed so that it's now possible for me to socialize – and I find there's no place to go and no one to do it with. I only know the people I work with, or have worked with; and, aside from rare occasions, it's just not possible to do things with them. Although I now have the time, I'm as alone as I've ever been.

There are activities in the community that I might, theoretically, be a part of. Meetup.com lists some; and there are community events like book clubs, etc., that I could try to join. But just showing up as a non-passing trans woman terrifies me. That kind of rejection is very hard for me to deal with.

A few weeks ago, I found a gaming group that met at a time I could be there. I contacted the person in charge, told him I was trans and asked if I would be welcome. He replied that a TW had been one of the founders of their group, although she was no longer attending, and that he saw no reason I wouldn't be welcome. So, I showed up, stood inside the door for about 10 minutes waiting for someone to welcome me, then left when I was completely ignored. I hadn't realized how much it would hurt; I stopped for chocolate and rum on the way home.

This morning, I was doing my daily walk and decided what I really wanted to do was climb down into a hole and close it after me.  The words of that Karen Carpenter song were running through my head: "So I've made my mind up I must live my life alone ...". I'm not looking for love, but it still fits. The only contacts I have with people on a personal level are here, ->-bleeped-<-, playing cards on line and defending trans people on conservative websites – and that last one can be draining, but it needs to be done. Thankfully, my sister and her daughters are totally accepting of my transness; but they live hundreds of miles away and have their own lives. My contact with them is limited.

I'm sorry for being a downer. Sometimes just writing it all out is enough, and it's not necessary to post it. OTOH, things have reached something of a crisis point for me, and I think it's about time to give up on socializing altogether, turn my back on it and make a life for myself within. It's not like I'm unaccustomed to being alone; but it hurts more now. I'm finally alive, and I want to live, be a part of the world. I just don't see how.

[Northern Star Girl]

@Ann W
Dear Ann:
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and also for your kind words.

So very sorry to read about your trials and tribulations regarding getting your social life jump started.   
You have the right idea about trying to get involved in small group meetings and local community activities and events.
Personally I am involved in a small Book Club group meeting every 2 weeks mostly women, my gym gals group meets every week 5 women , town activities such as charity walks and runs, school fund raiser bake sales, holiday time turkey baskets for the needy, Christmas Caroling around town .... etc, etc   
In every one of those cases I did not wait to get invited in.   I started my Gym Gals group as I made friends during my initial visits to the gym.  As I heard about other groups and activities I initiated my involvement.

I was sorry that you never got greeted at the gaming group but I am thinking that while there you might have sought out the leader that you had talked to and introduce yourself as you arrived.  Basically it is helpful to make the first move in many social situations and introduce yourself first and don't wait to be welcomed.

I have always had the personal motto. ... "If you want friends you need to first be friendly and introduce yourself."

My good friend and lovely member  @Jessica  has this statement on her profile:
"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

I know from personal experience that is not always easy especially if you don't yet feel a lot of confidence about passing yet.   Give it a try and take  a chance and be bold... you have everything to gain and a lot less to lose.

Yes indeed writing about your difficult issues and disappointing experiences can really be very helpful and is good personal therapy.
We are your friends here and we are your biggest fans... we are always rooting for you.

Please come here often and share your thoughts with me and this thread's followers.

Thank you for posting.
Lots of HUGS and well wishes,
Danielle

[Katie Jade]

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

Danielle

I couldn't agree with you more on this , especially with the subject matter.

Lovely synopsis Danielle.
I wish I had more time to join groups and contribute like you do, Well maybe one day.

Take care
Luv n Hugz

Katie

   

[Jenny1969]

Where do I send Danielle $$?  She is giving out so much wisdom and inteligent information that is right on the spot!!   Knowledge is power!!   Thanks girl!!