Ok time to more Stacy's rambling
Sorry to not write often, but when I do it I think it's worth it.
I discovered that it's possible to change our voice chirurgically. And I've "seen" some results, it's really amazing...I said often that I could not bear to live without being 100% on the female side. But with all what is possible today, I think that if I would have no family at all, no one to shock and affect, I think I would do it. To change entirely. Appearence is important but voice is something even more powerful, enough to re-think my position. Ive heard myself in a dream with my feminine voice and it was a major moment of emotion. Voice is very intimate, and i didnt known that having a so natural voice was physically possible without the right biology.
A major thing happened to me lately. I think it can be inspirational for you too.
I don't know how people can be happy, but for me, every time I approach the girl I am more, every time I cherish it, get closer to it, let it go and live it, I'm clearly happier and simple days get a completely new color. So I have built the hypothesis of the definition of happyness. And I do think it can also apply to non-transgenders: "To be happy, you will have to first discover or re-discover your primal true nature, your purest form, and get closer of it the more you can (by being it). After, you will have to find people that will love it, both the simplicity and the richness of it, and one person in particular (as we could define a lover)." I think we are near our true form during childhood, maybe not in transgender terms but at least in happyness terms because of a more simple life and the honesty of our hearts at this time, and as we pass through the painful forced changes and influences of society and the adult world, it changes us so much that we lose sight of our purest form. So much for some people that they may not even remember how it was of if it even existed. Even for people born in the right body, I think they have to reconnect with their true self, remove the fake pieces, listen to their hearts, get rid of everything that being put in their personality to protect themselves or to appear as someone they are not for being accepted by others.
Going further, i see our true form without a physical body. I'm a follower of the spiritism theory and i think that we try male and female to get all possible windows of learning. I believe that during multiple incarnations, we will choose a side to represent and shape our image, with which we have much more affinities. Like imaginating a ball of light as our first form, molding it to a human image with the correct gender and our colors. Still we sometimes must have a life on the other side unfortunately, certainly again for learning purposes. But as we prefer chocolate or vanilla, blue or red, white or black, we feel true and naturally happy being male or female, because we are following our deepest self. We discover which are our colors. So its not about choice, its about discovering and following our true nature. So yes, I think each soul is very unique and fit in a gender, as it would fit with certain type of music and colors. I dont decide to be a girl. I feel me being it like if it always being. We are more than a gender, but its probably the biggest thing that definate us at our poor level of spiritual advancement since we know nothing more that dont need it. Sorry for this very personnal rambling part of seeing existence but i see very logical and natural reasons to be who we are and i think they can be very encouraging once we believe it to be the truth. And considering the gender, I think childhood interests are a mix of what define us the most.
Recently I got passionate about Japanese culture, animes in particular, seeing a lot and accumulating music. I love the richness of their culture, I share with all my heart the greatness of the cuteness they expose in animes, school life of girl circle of friends in particular. It reconnected me to all form of joys including those of my childhood, but also how it's good to be a girl, and I got this wonderful idea: write the story of three girls that are very special friends, including a large part of me in one in particular, starting just before the puberty. Mainly to dive into a powerful friendship from its origins in which each one find it's complementary in the other, while the 3 personnalities are totally different and yet match in a surprising way one with the others. From one being totally princess, to the third more on the tomboy side, and yet all three just being different kind of girls covering the large range, while most people only see one way to be female. For me, girls defined as tomboy are still girls, representing the most energetic and powerful side of being female. It may look like boys, but it's still female. We just need to open our eyes and see how many girls are different in the entire world and still being girls. I started this writing project, and found at the same time that living so close to them is like if I can live with them, feel their joy and happiness, have a bit of a life I never had as a girl, and explore it, with a focus on joy, purity of youth, energy and beauty. The simplicity of sharing happyness during day to day activities. One girl depending on the other in various ways, creating a strong bond. I put in the characters so much of me, so much of my universe, that it's like to expose myself without anyone able to understand the links with me and see them straight, even for the family. Yet, I unhide me this way, I don't have to block my mind in any ways. I just cleverly avoid direct similitudes with me with enough differences to diminish the clearness. Differences of life, families, and on what is happening. So for the common eye it's just a story from some author, but it's an open window on me, so my need to live as I am have a big opportunity to do it. My characters are like my children, I love them deeply and even more with time, and they allow me to explore my inner girl like I never found any kind of activity to touch the heart of it so much. They are a kind of miror of who I am, my deepest hopes and the happyness I run after. I put a lot of time elaborating their personnalities, families, and their psychology. Since those changes happened in my life, I feel like if the girl I am got a huge space to exist, more than never before, and even if it may not always look on the physical appearence, those feelings radiate in my body, the happyness is real. I don't know if it will stay, but I've always liked to write and I have a gift for it (don't be mistaken by my not so good english, my primary language is french so I write in french!).
