Gender Resolution

[Rikigirl]

Hi Kirsten,

Another thing to consider is that when we tried to bury the female in us, we tried to get on with life as male, and society taught us what we should say and how we should act as male. It may not be a strong masculine side fighting with your feminine side, but the socially conditioned male in us. I have spoken to many who have successfully transitioned long term and they start forgetting that social conditioning we have all been subjected to as mtf. Consider this before you doubt what you need to do. The happiness you feel when you feel feminine will always be there but hopefully the male "side" will slowly leave you once you become who you really are.

[Kirsteneklund7]

Your life does intrigue me Ricki - in a good way.
You are right about the joy and euphoria we experience when we are able to externalise our feminine side.

Interesting that decades of male conditioning may be the one fighting the female self.

My hunch is I will carry a bit more masculinity than the average woman but I hope some good grooming & manners will get me past the guards.

I hope to make peace with having a hybrid state but pass as a woman.

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[KimOct]

Rikigirl I agree the conditioning and fitting in do impact our personality.  I have the same personality for the most part but I do find myself acting a little bit different sometimes.  I will be a little more silly or express myself with more exuberance. 

It's tough to put into words but I am mostly the same but I can tell I am more genuine.  Also people notice I am happier.  It's not magic, I still have life problems, things are not perfect but I definitely am more happy than I have been in a long time.

Kirsten Not all ciswomen are exactly the same.  There are girly girls, tomboy girls, glam girls, biker chicks etc etc.

You can be any kind of woman that you are.  Notice I did not say 'that you want to be'.  I said that you can be any kind of woman that you ARE.

[Kirsteneklund7]

Just putting pen to paper again for the record.

My wife travelled 130 km to the other side of the harbour to our bush retreat property.

I had spent the previous Friday evening  with a couple of friends that know I am trans.

On Saturday morning we agreed to meet at our bush retreat. While I was topping oil and radiator in the old Landrover, I got chatting to my next door neighbour.

She said Hi and remarked you look good Kynun!(male name). I said thank you!

I was wearing my Jackie O style sunglasses on top of my head with my shoulder length hair let down. I was wearing a dress I had ordered on line.

The dress turned up 2 sizes too large so I had it tailored down with darts sewn in to accentuate my bust and the waist brought in to flare the skirt more to give me more of a semblance of a figure. My bra was keeping my breasts in front instead of far apart like a transwoman.

I turned in the dress and my neighbour remarked you look really good in that dress! I started to go red and said thank you again in my deep baritone voice that I cant help.

I said all of this is so ridiculous I cant help but laugh about it at times.
She said in the end we are all a bit ridiculous on the inside,- but you still look great.

I thought damn this,- I will drive 130 kms to see my wife dressed as Kirsten! So I did.

At the other end my wife was not pleased to see the dress so I changed.

Later a husband and wife turned up at the bush property, a couple we have known for many years. Their remarks were your hair is so long, I thought you were a girl from behind. And it makes you look younger(thanks HRT & eyelash tint).
A few minutes later I returned with my hair  tied up with a ponytail and there were gasps with no! let your hair back down! Its too much!

I think it was too different to what they were used to ie short back and sides and visible short face stubble.

They dont know Im turning into a girl, - but there are visible differences.

I loved this weekend !

Yours truly, Kirsten.

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[Kirsteneklund7]

Rikigirl I agree the conditioning and fitting in do impact our personality.  I have the same personality for the most part but I do find myself acting a little bit different sometimes.  I will be a little more silly or express myself with more exuberance. 

It's tough to put into words but I am mostly the same but I can tell I am more genuine.  Also people notice I am happier.  It's not magic, I still have life problems, things are not perfect but I definitely am more happy than I have been in a long time.

Kirsten Not all ciswomen are exactly the same.  There are girly girls, tomboy girls, glam girls, biker chicks etc etc.

You can be any kind of woman that you are.  Notice I did not say 'that you want to be'.  I said that you can be any kind of woman that you ARE.

Thanks again Kim for the input. I love being able to interact with someone who has actually lived it.

I guess I really hope to get accepted as a girl among girls,- I will see what happens and not get too neurotic along the way( I hope !).

Kirsten x.

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[Linde]

I guess I really hope to get accepted as a girl among girls,- I will see what happens and not get too neurotic along the way( I hope !).

Kirsten x.

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You will be, you will be.  I was considered to be a manly man (because I over compensated for not really being one), and women would shut up with their girl talks when I came into a room!  never ever would I have been expected to be able to do this kind of talk with them.

Well, fast forward a few years, here I am, a woman among women stopping to do girl talk when a man enters the room! 
Just give it time, develop naturally into a female, and slowly you will feel that you are accepted more and more.  It takes time, because you have to learn how to behave like a woman, and they have to learn that you are not a guy anymore!
I live almost entirely with female only friends for the last 6 or so years I learned during this time, how to socialize as a women with women.  You have to learn this, and the day will come that you are accepted as being one of them!

You can and will do it!

[Kirsteneklund7]

You will be, you will be.  I was considered to be a manly man (because I over compensated for not really being one), and women would shut up with their girl talks when I came into a room!  never ever would I have been expected to be able to do this kind of talk with them.

Well, fast forward a few years, here I am, a woman among women stopping to do girl talk when a man enters the room! 
Just give it time, develop naturally into a female, and slowly you will feel that you are accepted more and more.  It takes time, because you have to learn how to behave like a woman, and they have to learn that you are not a guy anymore!
I live almost entirely with female only friends for the last 6 or so years I learned during this time, how to socialize as a women with women.  You have to learn this, and the day will come that you are accepted as being one of them!

You can and will do it!

Thank you Linde, I will! I did my best to be a man & mostly it worked even though my heart wasnt in it.

Even if I dont have what it takes to be a woman , I will give it my best shot.

At the worst, part time as Kirsten is not that bad.

You are so lucky to be a woman!

Kind regards, Kirsten.

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[Emma1017]

Hi Kirsten:

I intended to pull back from my thread and this website for a while but I saw yours and, as always, it struck a cord with me.

I haven't gotten as far as you to even wear a dress in front of my wife at home but I am hoping that as I quietly evolve with HRT and externalize my internal thoughts and feelings, she will come to an understanding.  We have been together too long for her not to know and I hope we have a quiet conversation rather than the painful confrontation that I fear.

You and I are confronting a lot.  The sense I get from you is that the female that is you is slowing wearing away the male facade.  I feel the changes inside me doing the same.  I can't ignore the joy that I feel that is slowly replacing the fear.


Hugs,

Emma

[Kirsteneklund7]

Hi Kirsten:

I intended to pull back from my thread and this website for a while but I saw yours and, as always, it struck a cord with me.

I haven't gotten as far as you to even wear a dress in front of my wife at home but I am hoping that as I quietly evolve with HRT and externalize my internal thoughts and feelings, she will come to an understanding.  We have been together too long for her not to know and I hope we have a quiet conversation rather than the painful confrontation that I fear.

You and I are confronting a lot.  The sense I get from you is that the female that is you is slowing wearing away the male facade.  I feel the changes inside me doing the same.  I can't ignore the joy that I feel that is slowly replacing the fear.


Hugs,

Emma

Thanks for dropping in Emma,
Having the energy and having my heart in the masculine projection is getting more tiresome. I dont want the male facade to crumble right now. My days as a man might be numbered but I haven't found a suitable path through to full time yet.

I think you will be wearing a dress in front of the wife soon enough.

Neither of us thought this would be happening to us yet it is happening. Its like a snowball rolling down a hill gaining momentum. Can you believe this stuff ? I cant believe it ! I cant believe it is happening ! I never planned any of it but in the end, like you I had to do something.

The challenges and the confrontation terrifies me yet I still do it. I hope for more joy and less fear.

Wishing you peace & friendship,  Kirsten.

[Kirsteneklund7]

Hello again Fellow  Gender travellers,

My pen must go to paper right now!

I took my children & the kids from 2 doors down for a bike ride to the park with the dog.

At the park the children were bike racing and playing on the swings. An early 20s aboriginal gentleman was walking towards us on the footpath and I could tell he was nervous about the black labrador.

He said, ( wait for it ),- " LADY IS THAT DOG OK? "

I said,( in my damn deep baritone),
" He is very gentle you will have no problem. "

And that ruined the moment.

I am tickled pink over being gendered female but my voice is a real stumbling block !

Yours euphorically, Kirsten.

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[Linde]

Hello again Fellow  Gender travellers,

I am tickled pink over being gendered female but my voice is a real stumbling block !

Yours euphorically, Kirsten.

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The voice will fall in place once you are presenting as a female.  It is a lot of work to get it to this point.  I have hardly any problem anymore, because I am mostly with females only, and not triggered to fall into the male version of my voice.  It was difficult in the early stages of my transition, but now it is the more natural way for me to talk.

However, if I have to interact with men alone for some time, I tend to slip down into that male type talking.  The frequency is still relatively high, but the pattern becomes more male.

I always talk with a male voice when i pick up the phone, I found this to be a good thing, because men seem to get more "respect" on the phone.

Just hang in there, the voice will come along with all other changes.

[KimOct]

My opinion is don't worry too much about voice for two reasons.

1.  We can change our voice with practice.  I went to a voice therapist at a hospital but there are other sources too.
Kathie Perez, Andrea James and surprisingly some on You tube aren't bad.

2.  We can only alter our voice to a certain degree.  On the telephone I get sir often and sometimes Ma'am.  You know what?  I am starting to get over it.  I am a transgender woman.  Therefore I have a voice that was molded by testosterone.  ( News flash huh? )  Transwomen have different voices. 

You can soften the resonance of your voice, not by speaking softly but by how you  project ( not from your chest ) but I am not going to give extended voice lessons here - and I am only fair.

The point is don't get too hung up on it.  Change it to the extent you can and accept WHO you are.

[Kirsteneklund7]

Always value your pieces Kim.

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[Kirsteneklund7]

Hello again Trendsetters,

The pen must go to paper again for the record. I must keep this brief right now & I will add detail tomorrow.

Today I spoke to the Chief Engineer. In a nutshell I mentioned that,
   "As you know the crew know I am transgendered. "

He said how for do you want to take this?

I havent spoken to HR as there isnt much to say except Im on estrogen and dress as a woman outside of work.
I may look more feminine in 12 months time.

He said, " In any case I appreciate the good job you do and if you transition you have my full support. As you know what it boils down to is, can you still do the job?
I believe it makes no difference if you are male or female & I believe you can do the job!
I said thank you, your support means a lot!
( It went well )
More to follow,
                          Hugs to all Kirsten x.

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[HappyMoni]

Way to go Kirsten, that's fantastic! He is exactly right too!
Moni

[KathyLauren]

Yay, congratulations, Kirsten!  I am glad it went well.

[Emma1017]

Wow Kirsten you are leaving me in the dust and I am so massively proud of you and couldn't be happier!!!

I hope/believe that HRT and others female elements will become so much more evident to others in my life that I will increasingly fail in being male stealth.   

I am so happy for you.  You deserve it!


Massive hugs,

Emma

[Kirsteneklund7]

Thank you Moni, Kathy and Emma & Kim. I dont look so female yet and I have asked team members if I do. The reply is,  you only look a little bit female.

I would like some day to day male fail but still too early so far.

Having the option of official transition as required is reassuring. I have paved the way for Kirsten at work if she needs to replace the old guy.

I feel very fortunate I have mostly team support and the hierachy if I need it.

Emma, .... I cant believe any of this is happening, sometimes it feels like my subconcious is doing it & I am coming along for the ride!

Thank you all for your support,
                                                       Kirsten.


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[CynthiaAnn]

He said, ( wait for it ),- " LADY IS THAT DOG OK? "


I am tickled pink over being gendered female but my voice is a real stumbling block !

Yours euphorically, Kirsten.

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This is awesome, and the start of good things for you Kirsten. I recall saying your male fail in public was "imminent" in another thread, and now it has come.

Yippy skippy for you !

C -

[Alice V]

He said, " In any case I appreciate the good job you do and if you transition you have my full support. As you know what it boils down to is, can you still do the job?
I believe it makes no difference if you are male or female & I believe you can do the job!

Such a great news
Congrats with acceptance in your team. It means a lot.