This is without a doubt the toughest thing I have ever written on Susan's. I want to speak of friends here. I want to pull something positive from hearing the awful news this morning that my dear friend has passed away far too soon. Please allow me to tell you a little of my friend.
Not long after I first joined Susan's, I struck up a conversation with someone who had a similar thought, 'Why did it seem that when you get older, dysphoria seemed to get so much worse?' We started with that but we connected on so much more. I was the first person she was able to express her thoughts about being female to. I could see that after hiding so long, her relief was a beautiful thing. I was starting to come out at the time , so I found someone to share all my thoughts and worries with. I always teased her about her 'mellowness' as she would always calm me down. She was that 'bright side' person you find all too rarely these days. When I would melt down, I lovingly tried to tell her that women sometimes just want to be heard rather than having someone fix it. Of course, she was always there for me in her mellowness. We talked of our love of the Packers, we talked of our families. She was fiercely loyal to her country, to family and to friends. She was the quintessential selfless person to the point where I had to beat into her head that it was okay to carve out a little bit of peace and contentment for herself. She did not transition because of the pain it would cause her family. I do want to say that she found happiness through compromise. She loved the fact that HRT brought her such peace. She would sometimes get upset that non transitioners didn't seem to get the attention they deserved. So she wrote about it and advocated. There is so much that I could say about one of the sweetest people I have had the pleasure to know. I will miss her tremendously.
So, I started this speaking of friends. To honor my friend, rather than cry for her here (like I have been doing all day), I will try to offer advice that my most mellow friend might offer. Reach out! Don't just be a part of 'the community,' reach out and find a friend. Find someone who you like or have something in common with and offer one on one friendship. Help someone and allow yourself to be helped by them. It is one of the best things you can do.
That, my 'Little Red Headed Step Child', is my best mellow I can manage right now. I will love you always, Denni!
Your loving friend,
Moni
