This is without a doubt the toughest thing I have ever written on Susan's. I want to speak of friends here. I want to pull something positive from hearing the awful news this morning that my dear friend has passed away far too soon. Please allow me to tell you a little of my friend.
    Not long after I first joined Susan's, I struck up a conversation with someone who had a similar thought, 'Why did it seem that when you get older, dysphoria seemed to get so much worse?' We started with that but we connected on so much more. I was the first person she was able to express her thoughts about being female to. I could see that after hiding so long, her relief was a beautiful thing. I was starting to come out at the time , so I found someone to share all my thoughts and worries with. I always teased her about her 'mellowness' as she would always calm me down. She was that 'bright side' person you find all too rarely these days. When I would melt down, I lovingly  tried to tell her that women sometimes just want to be heard rather than having someone fix it. Of course, she was always there for me in her mellowness. We talked of our love of the Packers, we talked of our families. She was fiercely loyal to her country, to family and to friends. She was the quintessential selfless person to the point where I had to beat into her head that it  was okay to carve out a little bit of peace and contentment for herself. She did not transition because of the pain it would cause her family. I do want to say that she found happiness through compromise. She loved the fact that HRT brought her such peace. She would sometimes get upset that non transitioners didn't seem to get the attention they deserved. So she wrote about it and advocated. There is so much that I could say about one of the sweetest people I have had the pleasure to know. I will miss her tremendously.
   So, I started this speaking of friends. To honor my friend, rather than cry for her here (like I have been doing all day), I will try to offer advice that my most mellow friend might offer. Reach out! Don't just be a part of 'the community,' reach out and find a friend. Find someone who you like or have something in common with and offer one on one friendship. Help someone and allow yourself to be helped by them. It is one of the best things you can do.
   That, my 'Little Red Headed Step Child', is my best mellow I can manage right now. I will love you always, Denni!

Your loving friend,
Moni

Beautiful words from the heart. Thank you for sharing this.

Thank you for this Monica.  We all need to reach out a little. 

@HappyMoni
My Dearest Moni: 
Wow, what a masterful and heartfelt tribute that you wrote regarding your friend that has passed. 
When someone that you had a connection with and was like-minded in a lot of areas it is very difficult indeed to let them go quickly or easily. 
Mourning and grief are necessary steps in your healing.  Some try to suppress it, but it is best to let it flow and as time goes on, you will keep thinking of her often but it will eventually become the good memories of conversations and the good times that were had with her.

Thank you for feeling free to share this with your Forums friends.  Your trust in us is appreciated and many here are mourning with you.
   
The good news is that TIME will heal the wounds...  stay strong, mourn and have grief as you need and eventually all that will remain are the good and happy memories.

Again, thanks for sharing this heartfelt message.
Hugs, hugs, hugs, and more hugs.
Danielle

  I am so sorry Monica.

  I am so sorry that Denni is no longer with us. I didn't know her well, only the several times I saw her post her support to you or a few time to me when thing weren't going too well for me. I could tell she was a thoughtful caring individual and I did know she was a good friend of yours.
  Reading your fine words of tribute to Denni brought tears to my eyes and they are still flowing. Not just for your loss Monica, but for mine and everyone else on this site's loss. Though I didn't get to know her anything like you did, I shall still miss her. May she rest in peace.

Laurie

That was a very beautiful and heartfelt eulogy.  I am so sorry for your loss Monica.  I did not know her, but she must have been a wonderful person indeed.

Monica - Once again your clarity of thought is a bright light for us all to follow. Nothing is worse than losing a friend except maybe a family member. You are amazing in expressing your love and support. It's sad when we lose loved ones and sometimes it takes a long time to get over. My friend Nanci is going through this too. Her husband committed suicide in the backyard two weeks ago and we have been trying to show her the love she gives to us. In my journey I have met some really fine people I would not have ever met if I had remained under wraps. Each visit to the support group makes me feel closer and closer to my dream of being a part of the community. Monica you are such a fine person you exude love and understanding. Your kindness makes people want to be friends with you. If you need some consolation or just need to talk, we are here for you. Hugs sweetie.

I'm so sorry love it's awful saying good bye to a friend

Hi Moni, thank you for starting this thread and blessings to you for the tears you are shedding for our friend.

Denni, wow, what can be said. I loved you as my sister and treasured your kinship. You were there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on or a friend to celebrate with. You taught me so much about family, community and love of our god. And you built really fine automobiles. I celebrate the hugs that we had the chance to share and the tears you left on my shoulder. Oh how I will miss you my sister......and please have that promised cup of coffee ready for when we meet again. I love you my sister!

Tia Anne

@HappyMoni  My condolences to you for the loss of your dear friend.

Perry

Hugs to you Moni for sharing this with us.  Heartfelt words of lost friends bring warmth to your soul and ours, thank you.

Jess

Absolutely beautiful tribute to a friend.  A true friend.  I didn't know her as you did because I'm rather new here.  But here I am crying and feeling blessed at the same time that there are people like you in this world!  Thanks Moni... 

I'm so sorry Moni!  I know I never knew your dear friend, but I'm crying with you.

I'm sorry to hear about Denni, Its very sad to lose a friend and even more so to lose a friend with such a special connection. Thank you for sharing this Moni, take heart in the time you did have as friends together.

Take care,

Sonja.

Moni,

I am so sorry to learn of your loss of your dear friend, Denni.  It is, I know, a very hard thing to endure.  My tears  mingle with yours.

Take care,
Stevi

I am so sorry reading your post. My heart goes out to you. You wrote a beautiful post and I cannot agree more: finding a really good friend is life-changing, it can be a lifesaver at times or just someone to have fun with. Yes, reach out, even if it is only an acquaintance or reach out to a friend.

I hope you are holding up well, keep in mind I am not too far away if you need a shoulder to lean on.

Hugs, Sarah

I'm so sorry for your loss, but thank you for spreading her message with love  Also, Go Packers 

So sorry about your friend, Moni.

Very sad to read but beautifully written.



Packer fans truly are everywhere!

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

The amazing responses to this thread are really heartening. I thank you all for reaching out. At the start of this thread, I used my personal experience with Denni to show what type of person she was, but her passing has touched and left a tremendous void in the lives of many people. I know Tia Anne was close to her as well. I'm sure there are others who I am not aware of here on Susan's. My condolences extend to you.
Denni saw the importance of Susan's for all of us dealing with what she called the 'trans beast.' I decided to make a donation today which is bigger than my usual with her in mind. I hope to honor her memory in reaching out more to newbies on the site whenever I can. Thank you all for your kindness!
Moni

The light of a true friend is something we never realise we need until we have it. And then we don't know how we ever lived in the dark.

My deepest condolences for your loss, Monica, and Tia. And others whose lives were touched by Denni. Kudos for choosing to honor someone who wanted to be a friend. The world could use more people like that. People who bring warmth to cold places are special people indeed. And will always be remembered as such.

*extra big hugs*