Someone called me "him"

[Angélique LaCava]

Me and my husband was in line to check out at the library. The check out lady was checking out another woman and I was the next to get checked out so she called for help and the woman she was checking out didn't hear her so she told the lady that she was calling someone to check "him" out, my husband claims she was referring to him, but he had walked in line after me and was standing behind me far enough that if no one knew we were together they would think I was checking out by myself, plus I was holding the movies so of course she was referring to me. I don't understand why she called me a "him" I don't look boyish and even earlier today I got called mam, this lady called me male pronouns before. How can she think I'm a boy when  I look female. It's aggravating since I've been on hormones for 2 1/2 years. It's happen a few times this months where people referred to me as a male pronouns, it makes me question whether I even look female.

[Angélique LaCava]

I don't want compliment. I want to know why this could be happening.

[jfong]

Could be just a slip of a tongue, someone just so used to saying him or even sometimes being ESL that also happen quite a lot, especially for those coming from language with no specific gender call (ie. In my native language the word for him/her is exactly the same word)
No need to dissect it further unless if the person keep doing it all the time.

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[Harley Quinn]

sounds like a slip of the tongue.  I've heard your voice clips, and seen your full body shots in the Fabulous threads... It's definitely NOT that you look anything less than attractive.

[Lady Sarah]

Is it possible someone might be telling your secret? I find that many of the misgendering can come from someone seeking attention by outing others. I know, it's pitiful. Unfortunately, some people are like that.

[Angélique LaCava]

Is it possible someone might be telling your secret? I find that many of the misgendering can come from someone seeking attention by outing others. I know, it's pitiful. Unfortunately, some people are like that.

me and my husband moved so no one knows me in our current city which is New orleans.

[Maid Marion]

The first thing people do to determine your gender is look at your size and shape.  They also factor in how you move, if you are moving.  It may be that these two factors create an "initial" guess.  It does for me.  There are very few men shorter than me.  And those short men usually don't have anything like a feminine shape with a narrow waist, hips, and attractive legs. Men usually move straight ahead, while women typically have a pronounced side to side motion.  Watch a male/female couple and compare it to how a pair of girls walk together.  First guesses have a habit of coming out of people's mouths whether they want to or not.  Especially when multi-tasking.  Which you need to do these days if you are running a cash register or library computer 

[Sonja]

@Angélique LaCava
Hi Angelique,  I looked through some of your photos, physically you look very pretty and completely passable, I have not seen any videos of you ( would love to though if you could post a link...) if there is something giving you away then it might either be your voice or the gait of your walk, or perhaps certain mannerisms.  One very feminine looking girl on Susans was outed by her teeth! - male teeth are different from female teeth - it was her dental hygenist - who she is currently dating!!.... (@AlaskanDanielle)  So it could be something quite unique.

The first thing I do when I'm not sure someones gender is look at their hips to waist to shoulders, second I look at the bone structure in their face,  jaw, chin, brow.  I can't see any giveaways in your pics, so I'm assuming its something else she noticed. 

You look great btw,

Sonja.

[Angélique LaCava]

I appreciate the responses. I do pay attention when I walk and I do away my hips. My
body measurements are 34"26"35 1/2" so it can't be my body. I also do sound quite feminine. I really can't think of any way she knew because I've had people say I look nothing like a transgender and those people actually are friends with some. My husband gets mad at me anytime I say someone uses a male pronouns he says I'm hearing wrong, but I know what I hear when I hear it. This lady refers to me as a he every single time she sees me. Next time I go to the library I'm going to make sure I wear makeup, more feminine clothes and see what she says, because usually I don't wear makeup,i wear my hair in a ponytail,loose shirt, skinny jeans, and sneakers.

[Sonja]

I appreciate the responses. I do pay attention when I walk and I do away my hips. My
body measurements are 34"26"35 1/2" so it can't be my body. I also do sound quite feminine. I really can't think of any way she knew because I've had people say I look nothing like a transgender and those people actually are friends with some. My husband gets mad at me anytime I say someone uses a male pronouns he says I'm hearing wrong, but I know what I hear when I hear it. This lady refers to me as a he every single time she sees me. Next time I go to the library I'm going to make sure I wear makeup, more feminine clothes and see what she says, because usually I don't wear makeup,i wear my hair in a ponytail,loose shirt, skinny jeans, and sneakers.

@Angélique LaCava
What books do you check out at the library? maybe it was something in that, that gave her a clue?

If I was you I would politely say to her "Did you know I'm transgender?" if she says "yes" ask her "what is it that made you so sure?"  and see what she says.

can't help to ask.

Sonja.

Sonja.

[Allison S]

She clocked you. People do that and feel righteous and compelled to make their point. I think only go with makeup, clothes and hair done if that's what you want to do. I completely understand when it keeps happening it becomes depressing.
I know friends who always go out with makeup and that probably does help at least stop misgendering.


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[Angélique LaCava]

She clocked you. People do that and feel righteous and compelled to make their point. I think only go with makeup, clothes and hair done if that's what you want to do. I completely understand when it keeps happening it becomes depressing.
I know friends who always go out with makeup and that probably does help at least stop misgendering.


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it's just confuses me to why it sometimes happens since people are giving me mixed signals. Like one group says I'm hot and they couldn't tell, another says your hot but I can see things that gives it away, then others just say that they can just tell

[Angélique LaCava]

I had a bra on too. My hair is really really long and actually my own. I even had on a pink shirt. It's like she was doing it to be rude. I wss wanted to tell her something woohoo bad. I think next time I see her I will.

[Allison S]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like you may be right that she's being rude. I think if you see her again you should say something.
People's reactions to us makes it harder than it should be.

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[Dena]

I had a bra on too. My hair is really really long and actually my own. I even had on a pink shirt. It's like she was doing it to be rude. I wss wanted to tell her something woohoo bad. I think next time I see her I will.

You might consider returning the favor and misgendering her in return.

[Janes Groove]

I was talking to a ciswoman who this happened to the other day.
She just asked the person direct, "I'm a woman. What made you think I'm a man?"
The person answered her right away. "It was the clothes you were wearing."
She got her answer right away.

[warlockmaker]

"ok, so why do you think some people have no idea that I'm transgender? Since that's your opinion of the scenario. Also I've seen natural born women who look more masculine than me get called mam. So from what your saying is she thought I looked like a man? Because ultimately if someone looks androgynous you wouldn't use a pronoun. The only time you would is if your 100% sure which in turns mean I look nothing like a female if I follow what your saying."

Most married and younger tgs that are confident they pass are not on Susans. They are getting on with their lives. The older generation here, face more issues and many just want to help and give advise. Be confident of who you are.

[DawnOday]

Some people are just jerks.. Unless you have done a lot of practice it sometimes it's easy to lower your pitch especially towards the end of sentences. I'm not saying that is happening to you, but you asked for possibilities. That's roughly where I am now and my voice coach gets on me. I'm sorry some people just don't get it. What ever happened to the idea of live and let live. By the way. You look very feminine and I have been impressed by you since I started on here two years ago. Sorry I didn't mean to compliment you. Yes I did. Just let go and move on. I know what it means to hold grudges and it can tear you apart. Just know your hubby loves you for who you are and not much else matters. Nothing matters more than family. That's my wifes mantra.

[Maid Marion]

Your reaction is also a big clue.  A passive response is feminine, while guys respond aggressively.

A passive response would be to either let it drop, or thank/compliment her and ask how she did it.

[Angélique LaCava]

"ok, so why do you think some people have no idea that I'm transgender? Since that's your opinion of the scenario. Also I've seen natural born women who look more masculine than me get called mam. So from what your saying is she thought I looked like a man? Because ultimately if someone looks androgynous you wouldn't use a pronoun. The only time you would is if your 100% sure which in turns mean I look nothing like a female if I follow what your saying."

Most married and younger tgs that are confident they pass are not on Susans. They are getting on with their lives. The older generation here, face more issues and many just want to help and give advise. Be confident of who you are.

that didn't answer my question. Seems more like your tiring to be mean and put me down than anything, but trying to hide it with kindness. I've tricked people just so you know so I must pass to some extent. I'm just going to ask her before I let it bother me anymore, because like others said it could have been a mistake or anything, for all I know it had nothing to do with my looks. I'm also one of those married transgenders thats married to a straight man that you mentioned in your comment. In my originally post I asked why it could be happening not state everything that's wrong with me physically. You can give me reasons to why it's happening so I can look for myself in person and pay more attention without telling me YOUR opinion of my looks because just because YOU think I look masculine and not passable doesn't mean that's everyone's opinion of me.