Any Other 50 Years old and Older FTMs out there?

[Ryuichi13]

I'm 56, going to be 57 in January, and I've been curious to find out if there are any other men that are 50 years old and older that began transitioning after the age of 50.  so, I'm going to ask some questions in the hopes that others that are 50 and older will start a conversation.  Here it goes: 

How old were you when you started transitioning?

Do you regret transitioning so late in life?  Do you wish you had transitioned earlier? 

Did you know that you were transgender at an early age or was it a relatively recent discovery?

Did you wait until you were "old enough to not care about family/work/society's reaction/s" when you transitioned?  If not, what made you wait until you were past 50?

Also, if you feel so inclined, are any of you out there willing to post before and after pics?   


I'm just checking to see if I'm the only FTM over the age of 50 out there, nothing more.  Sometimes, it seems like the only ones on the forum that are 50 and older are MTF.  I know I can't be the only one.

To start things off, I'm going to answer the questions I just posed.  Feel free to add more questions to your posts, and I'll add them to new posts if need be.


How old were you when you started transitioning? 
I started transitioning a month and a half before my 55th birthday.

Do you regret transitioning so late in life?  Do you wish you had transitioned earlier? 
I don't regret transitioning so much later in life, however, I do wish I had known that I wasn't "the only one that felt they were born the wrong gender," and what we are called.  I would have searched for more FTMs online way earlier, if only to not feel like I'm the only one.

Did you know that you were transgender at an early age or was it a relatively recent discovery?
I knew I was transgender from practically my first memories.  Like I mentioned before, I thought I was the only one.

Did you wait until you were "old enough to not care about family/work/society's reaction/s" when you transitioned?  If not, what made you wait until you were past 50?
I only found out that I could do something about my "gender birth defect" a little over four years ago.  But now that I'm older, I'm glad I waited.  But given the choice, I would have transitioned in my teens or early 20s given the chance.

Also, if you feel so inclined, are any of you out there willing to post before and after pics?   
I'd have to take some pics of myself as I look currently.  Right now, the only recent pics I have are of me are cosplay pics from last month's anime convention.

Ryuichi

[Perry]

Ryuichi, you are not alone! Great questions.

How old were you when you started transitioning?
I started my medical transition in May of this year. I am 61, will be 62 in about 6 weeks.

Do you regret transitioning so late in life?  Do you wish you had transitioned earlier? 
I don't regret it, I believe regret to be a wasted emotion. I absolutely wish I had the knowledge and strength to transition in the 70's. Heck, even the 80's or 90's or 00's.

Did you know that you were transgender at an early age or was it a relatively recent discovery?
I've felt different my whole life. I pushed back on everything female from a very young age. Cut my hair in 1st grade and it's never even touched my shoulders since then. Last wore a skirt or dress in 1973. Have openly worn men's clothes, or men's style clothes, since my teenage years.

Did you wait until you were "old enough to not care about family/work/society's reaction/s" when you transitioned?  If not, what made you wait until you were past 50?
I think I squashed any dysphoria I felt for the sake of my career, friendships, and relationship as well as out of ignorance. I knew my Mom would never abandon me but was not so certain my work would be as accepting (probably more so that I didn't want to be that "trans guy"). I had so successfully pushed everything into a closet so I could function. I also got to a point where I figured it was too late to really do anything and I didn't even know what that 'anything' was. With all the on-line information available now and the media attention paid, especially for a certain older transgender celebrity, I realized I could do this. I researched, I talked with my therapist, and I decided to move forward to try to have some happiness perhaps even fulfillment in my life, finally, for however long I have left. (And, just as I thought, Mom was supportive!)

I am trying to get top surgery this year and will re-retire, permanently this time, sometime after that happens. Then I'll let my facial hair grow out and hopefully see other testosterone induced changes so I can finally present as I should have always been seen. 

Perry

[Arch]

I haven't been on the site for months--after not being on the site for months--so I feel a little strange to come back and find that most of the guys I knew when I was active are not around anymore. I'm also feeling completely disconnected from trans communities in general; I guess I don't really need them anymore, at least at the moment. But being in my fifties, I felt compelled to respond.

I started hormones when I was forty-six. I've had male identities ever since I can remember, but I didn't really know about trans people until I was an adult. In fact, I knew about MTFs long before I heard about FTMs, and I never made the mental leap from one to the other. I didn't realize that I could transition until I was around twenty-six. At that age, I found a remaindered book about FTMs, but the author, supposedly an expert, was clearly biased against us. I remember bits and pieces; in the book, he calls FTMs "she." He says that although some MTFs are really women, no FTMs are really men. We are apparently head cases, and the only thing that can save us is intensive therapy.

As a youth, I was always afraid of being locked up; as you might imagine, this book had a profound effect on me and sent me scuttling back into my shell. After coming out as a transsexual for all of two days, I began to ID as a cross dresser and then later as transgender (the term was pretty new as an identity label). Finally, in sheer desperation, I went entirely back into the closet. In all, I held off for about twenty years.

I sometimes wish that I had transitioned earlier; I had a couple of good gaps in my life that would have been perfect. But I had to walk the path I walked. I had to get to the point where nothing else mattered and my life was on the line.

Other factors figured into my long delay. I was, of course, afraid of what people would say. I was worried about employment. I fretted about logistics. But the biggest fear was that my relationship would crumble; at a certain point in my life, my partner was pretty much the only thing keeping me from transitioning. I did at times use my graduate studies as an excuse, but the real reason was my partner.

I haven't finished my transition yet. I started T more than nine years ago, and I had top surgery in the same year. I had hysto a few years ago. But no bottom surgery yet. I have job security, I have decent (supposedly trans-friendly) health insurance, and I have saved enough money to pay the surgical bills and associated costs. But the idea of monkeying around with my nether parts is pretty scary. I hate to think about facing bottom surgery when I'm sixtyish, but that's where I am right now.

So, no, you're not the only one who is fifty-plus and facing all of this weirdness.

[Arch]

I thought I should add that I don't post pics of myself. I am a very private person. However, I am pretty unrecognizable. Years ago, I hung out with one of my old buddies at a sort of meetup for people with a particular set of interests. He had no idea who I was.

The thinning hair and face fur are a great camouflage. My beard grows pretty furiously. After getting a barber shop shave--straight razor, that is--I can feel the stubble coming in later that day. I love it.

[Ryuichi13]

Arch, I'm glad you decided to return, even if your friends are no longer around.  I was beginning to feel like I was the only 50+ FTM around.  I'm grateful to you, Arch, and to you too, Perry for responding to my thread.

I'm glad that you can't remember that book's title, I think I'd end up writing them a pretty nasty email if I knew how to get ahold of such a backwards-thinking person.   

It sounds like you've come to terms with yourself, and that's great!  I know that the fears of being hospitalized or worse due to being trans is a horrible thing, yet it still happens to some of us.  I feel that the more society becomes used to the idea of us, the less likely we are to be hospitalized, put into forced conversion camps and worse by those that are ignorant of the knowledge that there has always been trans people throughout history. 

I've not had any surgeries yet, I'm still on the search for a doctor that will take my insurance AND give me the kind of top surgery that I want.  At this time, the most I want of bottom surgery would be a meta with a urethral lenghthening.  I don't know if I want a phallo yet, I'd have to see how I'd heal from the meta first.

Its okay that you don't want to post pics of yourself.  My icon pic is one of me cosplaying from a few years ago, before I began transitioning. 

Thinning hair, I'm hoping that doesn't happen to me, as I love my dreadlocks!  But my facial hair is thickening every day, it seems.  Not bad for only 20 months on T.

Perry, its also nice to meet you!  I have to admit, I wasn't expecting anyone to respond to my thread, but you and Arch have shown me that I'm not alone among the 20-somethings and 30-somethings!  Thank you for that!  Also, congrats on starting down the road to becoming your authentic self!   

Great to meet the two you!  I'm hoping to see more of you both here on the forum!  If nothing else, at least we three know that we're not alone when it comes to transitioning after the age of 40.

I think I'm going to put up a poll to see if there are those that are too shy to actually answer my questions. Feel free to add your answers to it, okay?

Edit: Poll added to the top of the thread!

Ryuichi

[Arch]

Every once in a while, I will come back to the site and feel at sea. Despite being pretty well integrated into life, I guess I want to occasionally talk with older trans guys; when I started this journey, I had some things in common with the younger fellas, but I feel less and less connected with them as I age. I still find the site a fairly difficult place to visit. I especially miss Nero, our old forum administrator, who died four years ago. He'd be pushing forty now.

Ryuichi, you and I are only a few months apart in age. I suspect that older trans men will become less and less common as time goes by. I already feel rather like a dinosaur . . .

ETA: If you hunt around, you'll find one or two other threads for older trans men--maybe not 50+, though.

[Ryuichi13]

I feel that I have some things in common with the next generation of transmen coming up behind us...but then again, there are definitely generational differences.  I've been out of high school/college for decades, since I'm in a stable relationship with another transman, I don't care much about dating, I've had my kid and I now have grandkids, etc. 

Yet, there are also the similarities we have, such as getting used to bottom growth, the search for surgeons to do the surgeries we may need or want, and so on.  So I interact with the "kids" so that I don't feel quite so alone, yet they probably don't know what its like to have to change your high blood pressure medication because testosterone is making more red blood cells and is giving you headaches and dizzy spells, or how to come out to your 80+ parents and how to react when they outright tell you, "You've been "x" for 50-something years, I refuse to refer to you by any other name or gender!"  Anyways, I see that I'm venting, so I'll stop that now.

Actually, it seems that there will be more transmen, after all, this next generation will be aging too, right?  I think that if we're patient, we'll find more 40+ and 50+ men coming out of the closet and posting.  After all, we three can't be the only ones on the forum...right?

Arch. I'm sorry that you feel that its difficult to visit here more.  I have to admit that its kind of cool to find you and Perry on here!  To realize that I'm not the only one making this journey so late in life is a great feeling, especially after so many years feeling that I'm the "only one that feels like I'm trapped in the wrong body."

I found one thread of men 50+, but it seems like its pretty dead. 

Ryuichi

[Arch]

Coming out to very elderly parents is definitely weird, especially in my case. I hadn't seen my parents since I was around twenty-two. When he was eighty, my father (he'll soon be eighty-six!) hunted me down through a private investigator. The PI gave him some erroneous information about me, but my father had no reason to suspect that I had transitioned; as it happens, he had no clue that I was even trans and thought that I had simply changed my name. We corresponded sporadically for several months, and then I came out to him in a letter.

He was bowled over, and he said that he needed time to figure out what to do. After about a year and a half, during which I worried that he would kick the bucket and leave me completely hanging, he finally decided not to see me in person, not to tell anyone about me, and, in particular, to keep me a secret from my mother.

I guess it's tough to be in your eighties, come from a more conservative era, and have to confront something like this--especially when your wife is less than open-minded. She and I have never really had a good relationship except for a few years in my childhood, and she was the main reason I left home without warning when I was still in college. All the same, I fully intended to come out to both of them.

I still feel thwarted and frustrated, but I decided to respect his decision. After all, he's the one who has to live with her.

What's your coming out story, Ryuichi? And yours, Perry? Have y'all posted elsewhere on the site?

[Ryuichi13]

Wow Arch, that's harsh.  Its too bad that your parents are still stuck in "the conservative past."

I actually came out to my Mom around a year and a half ago, and even though she's since seen me twice already with a (sparse) beard and has heard my now-deeper voice, she flat-out refuses to refer to me as my legal male name and gender. 

I'm already used to the idea that I'll be correcting her for the rest of her life.    I'm somewhat glad that we live in different states and I have to drive 9 hours to visit, especially since my major dysphoria has always been my deadname and deadgender.

I wrote a long letter to my Dad (my parents are divorced), and my Stepmom.  After coming out to most of my siblings via a phone conversation in May of 2017, I came out to my siblings again via text this year on my January birthday.  I couldn't deal with them all referring to me by my dead name and dead gender.  I think that until I corrected them in the group text, they didn't take me seriously. 

My stepmom was part of that group text, and I'm pretty sure she read the argument I had with one sister, (who I ignored once she started insulting me) and the calm and happy discussion I had with another sister, (who not only was happy that I was finally happy with myself, but also told me that her boyfriend is also trans!)  I still find it unusual that my one sister, who was referred to by most of the family as "the gay sister," is now in a hetero relationship with her transman boyfriend! 

I'm hoping that my stepmom told my Dad soon after that group text, but because I hadn't heard from him since my birthday, I wrote him the long letter.  After discussing it with my gender therapist, I decided to cut it into parts, since it was a very descriptive letter for a 80+ year old to read.  My gender therapist said it "might be a lot for such an elderly man to absorb." 

I snailmailed out the first part about a month ago.  I'm still currently waiting to hear from my Dad, but I'm more than likely going to end up calling him, even if its to check in on him, and maybe to ask him if he's read the letter.  I truly hope he has and that he's had some time to get used to the fact that I've been his son all along.

Perry, have you come out to your parents yet? 

I've posted all over this site, much of it in the FTM sections.  Feel free to search out my posts. 

Ryuichi

[Perry]

@Ryuichi13   @Arch

Thanks for sharing your stories guys. I have posted a few times on the site and the FTM forum.

I spent most of last summer reading through the posts on the FTM forum, I do recall seeing many, many of your postings Arch. After much deliberation and a couple of visits with my therapist I decided to move forward with transition. For background purposes I'll share with you that at 15 I was asked by my mom if I wanted to be a boy. That was the early 70's so naturally I immediately said no. Unfortunately she never asked again and I didn't know how to broach the subject with her.

My father passed on in 2001 but we didn't have a relationship since my early 20's.

I had a very close and open relationship with my 80 year old mother so I knew I had to bring her into the conversation sooner rather than later. I did just that last October. She did not disappoint me in her support and level of acceptance. We had a very good conversation that day and on subsequent visits. As I was moving forward Mom experienced one health problem we were dealing with and then a second, insurmountable one came along. I lost her in May a couple of weeks after I started T. She will never get to see me as her #1 son and that saddens me.

I came out to my best friend in January and she likewise is accepting and supportive. I was dealing with Mom's surgery and recovery so I delayed telling anybody else. Also, blood test results slowed my progress toward getting my T script.

Finally in April I came out to the rest of my immediate family. My nieces, nephew and (ex) sister-in-law & her husband (they are more family to me than my own brother is). Once again I knew my nieces would be fine but I did worry about the reaction of my nephew and his mother. Lets just say that I voted differently from them in the last presidential election (I lost). What a pleasant surprise, they were both immediately accepting and supportive.

After Mom passed I spoke with a long time family friend, 50+ years, former neighbor I refer to as my Aunt. She let me know that Mom confided in her that I was transitioning and she gave me her complete support & love. At the same time I came out to my childhood friend, we met in kindergarten, and she doesn't care what my gender is, I'm still me and she loves me. I've since come out to 4 more friends with the same result. I'm almost embarrassed that I have gotten such universal support from those I have told.

I recognize that the support at this point is mostly hypothetical; there is a remote possibility that it could change once the effects of T become noticeable. I sure hope not. 

I still have to come out to my 3 aunts and 1 uncle. At this point I only seem to have a facebook relationship with them so I am in no hurry to bring them up to speed. I'm still trying to determine how to best come out to people I see once or a few times a year and facebook only friends that are mostly former co-workers.   

Sorry for the long ramble. I am certainly enjoying connecting with other guys in my age bracket.

Perry             

[Ryuichi13]

Glad to hear from you as well, Perry! 

I'm sorry to hear that you've recently lost your Mom, she sounded like an amazing woman.

I'm glad to hear that I wasn't the only one that wanted to transition back in the '70s and earlier.  It feels good to know that there were FTMs even then.  Congrats on your current transitioning!

Sounds like your family for the most part accepts your transitioning very well.  I'm not really out to many family members outside of my immediate family...that is, unless they pair attention to the trans-related news articles I post on facebook.  My kid figured it out by paying attention, as did one of my brothers.  The rest, I had to tell, or they simply don't know.  Yet.

Its too bad about your brother.  I have a sister that once I came out, simply refused to acknowledge my transitioning.  I no longer speak to her, even at family functions.  Its only been since my birthday in January, but she insulted me deeply, and I was forced to admit that I didn't want that kind of poison in my life right now.  Maybe I'll forgive her one day...if she ever apologizes.  I'll never forget, that's for sure.

Its cool that your play-Aunt accepts you for who you are.  Sounds like she and your childhood friend still love you, no matter what.  That is so cool!  Its always great to have allies in your corner.  I too hope that the effects of T doesn't mean you lose anyone, but if they really love you, they shouldn't go anywhere, even if they may need to back off for a bit to do some thinking.  After all, one thing that most cis people seem to forget is that "you're still the same basic person, its just your outside that changes." 

Good luck with those you still need to come out to on facebook.  I have family and friends I have yet come out to, and even though I'm rarely on fb, I still am tempted to post a pic of me with my beard just to start the conversation.  I'm waiting for questions from family and friends that already know, but I also have videos in a trans playlist to help them understand...should they need to hear it from someone other than myself.

Its okay about the "rambling," you had a lot to say, as did we all.  After all, we have had literally decades to hide our true selves, its about time we let people see us as we really are, right? 

So, what do you guys want to talk about now that we've introduced ourselves?  I'm ready and eager for all sorts of conversations!

Ryuichi

[Arch]

I came out to my father sort of inadvertently when I was about sixteen. I guess my mother was back East for her father's funeral, so it was just the two of us. I told my dad that I felt like a boy inside . . . specifically, a thirteen-year-old boy. After my fourteenth birthday, I always felt as if I'd been frozen at thirteen, probably because that was the last year that my body was androgynous (and not plagued by the red curse).

His response was merely, "Why thirteen?" I honestly did not know, so I made up a stupid answer. He did not inquire further and probably does not even remember the incident. I'm glad now because I was terrified of being institutionalized. All the same, I wish he had alluded to that day when I came out to him thirty-odd years later. Instead, my coming out was a complete shock to him. (In turn, I was shocked that he was so surprised.)

I'm wondering about employment. I know that a lot of FTMs, especially older ones, have to fight against a substandard work history and lots of female training that puts them way behind the curve in their careers. I've been fairly lucky, actually, but a lot of us aren't. Do you guys have to deal with the working world?

[Ryuichi13]

Unfortunately for me, when I was working, I was still in the closet, but now that I'm disabled due to my career, I no longer really care about how the working world views me. 

But I do remember having a similar conversation somewhere on here about work.  In short, "Why does the working world need to know what's in your pants?"  Once you change your legal name, and especially once you're on T (if you want to be, that is!) why would anyone other than your doctor/s and your partner need to know?  Especially once you start growing facial hair and muscles.  Worst case scenario is you say "I guess I'm a late bloomer." 

Ryuichi

[Perry]

Hey guys, happy to hear your stories and share my own.

I retired from my 33 + years long career nearly 5 years ago. Despite the fact that I wore men's clothes, or female versions of male style clothes, men's shoes and short hair I was not out as trans. I'm sure I was perceived by all as a butch lesbian.

I now work part time for a company that does contract work for my previous employer. My previous employer is a Southern California based Fortune 500 company with a 100 rating with the Human Rights Campaign. I'm sure my career would not have suffered had I come out while working there. I started at that company in a union represented position so I never experienced any wage disparity based on (perceived) gender.  As I moved into management I was fortunate to have managers who did not discriminate when making compensation decisions. (I mostly had female managers so I think that worked in my favor)

Since my current employer contracts to that company I'm fairly certain that the terms and conditions of their contract stipulates a similar level of tolerance.

My dilemma now is whether I come out or just re-retire for good this time. I become eligible for early social security benefits next month. I do not need to work although I do enjoy it for the wages, feeling productive and the camaraderie. I'm not really an in your face kind of guy, not so certain I want to be the trans poster child at work. Also, it is a very male-centric environment.

My changes from T have been very slow coming (3 months) and not noticeable to anybody but me. I have a lot more mustache hairs and chin hairs than I did just from menopause! I shave on a regular basis so as not to get suspicious glances or notice whispered comments. I really do want my facial hair though.

I'm also pursuing top surgery right now, insurance & medical group, ugh! Returning to work after a few weeks off with  the lack of a chest would be very noticeable. I don't think it would be fair to let my work friends think I underwent some kind of cancer treatment. So, I have decisions to make.

Have you guys changed your name & gender marker legally yet? I'm trying to gauge when I should do that, right now I'm only Perry here and with my therapist's virtual support group.

Perry     

[Ryuichi13]

It sounds like you have/had a very interesting career.  Be advised though, I hear that if you take early retirement, your social security isn't as much as if you were to keep working until the government's official retirement age.  Keep that in mind when you consider it, okay?  If  you are working for reasons other than towards your social security, then maybe you should retire if you're going to get top surgery.  Why wait? 

Hey, three months on T is great!  Hope the changes you want are coming.  Has your voice started dropping yet?  For me, that was one of the first thing that really changed.  I'd wake up and play the "what voice will I have today?" game.  If it was still high like my old voice, I tended to not speak much that day.  Luckily for me, it seems to be a nice baritone, and it might even be still dropping in pitch.  I hope it does! 

Also, something to consider is that if you want facial hair, then grow it!  Why wait for retirement?  You could chalk it up to "being post menopausal" if need be.  I have what I like to call "the facial hair of a 14 year old boy."  I have a slight beard and a even slighter mustache.  Enough to I'm not misgendered as much as I used to be, anyways.  I still get misgendered, but not as often as I used to be.   

What you say happened to your body after your top surgery is your choice.  If you want to tell your coworkers that you "had surgery to reduce your chest," then do so.  You could always claim back issues that caused you to want to reduce your chest size, right?  Especially if you don't want to become the "trans poster boy."  I'm sure  you'll figure out what will work best for you.

I legally changed my name back in 2016.  All of my ID is changed, and because of my fears of what rights the the current administration is trying to take away, I decided to also get my passport with my proper gender on it.  So except for the fact that I was born in Ohio, (one of three states that won't let me change my birth certificate), I'm legally male on everything.  I'm also watching the lawsuit brought up by four Ohioans this year that are suing the state with the ACLU's help for the right to change their genders on their birth certificates.  I asked a few weeks ago if I could join the lawsuit, but since it was already filed, I can't join.  I'm glad that I currently don't live in Ohio for that reason. 

They're even using the reason I wanted to use, that it "inhibits my pursuit of Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness by forcibly outing me to anyone that needs to look at my birth certificate as a form of identification."  I can't wait for them to win, especially since I haven't changed my name on it yet.  After all, why would I want to have a traditional Japanese male name like Ryuichi, yet have a birth certificate that has the wrong gender on it?  One of my biggest dysphoria triggers is the idea of being buried with the wrong gender on my gravestone/death certificate/etc.  Its bad enough that my parents misgender and misname me, I don't want that to happen legally when I die.

I stressed more over how exactly I wanted my legal name to be than the process involved with changing it.  And as a side note, not only do I have my name on my passport in English, I also signed it using the kanji for it.  I'm tempted to redo my driver's license and also doing it on that as well.  I wonder which signature is more...powerful/legal/etc, the one on my passport, or my driver's license?  I'd guess my passport since its federally issued.  Just a random thought. 

Ryuichi   

[Arch]

I'm fifty-six and have no disabilities that interfere with my ability to work. I expect to work right up till I'm nearly seventy, although I wonder whether I'll hold up until then. I need to max out my pension and my Social Security--I am lucky to have both, but, being a late bloomer and a perpetual student, I don't expect either one to be very good unless I do just keep working. Through my second job, I have a chance at a very small pension with employer-provided matching funds, but I won't be eligible for years. I'm not sure I'll want to stick it out for that long, although I do like the extra money. I'm finally saving money for a change. Expensive disasters seem to happen to me a lot, so I've been very frustrated about not being able to save for the past few years. But this year, finally! (Knock on wood . . .)

I changed my name long before I transitioned because I had returned to school and did not want a female name on my diploma. Pre-9/11, I easily made the change through the common usage method and a notarized document. By that time, everyone at my old job knew that I was masculine, but I literally don't remember whether I was out as trans there. I might have just let everyone assume. I had a male name and wore male clothing, but I also had a male partner. At that stage of my life, I was calling myself "transgender" at school and in my personal life, so I suppose everyone at work knew as well.

I had been working there for about a decade before transition, so I was entrenched. I guess people knew me well enough not to mess around with me. A year later, I had my college diploma; a few months after that, my division was shut down, so I took a layoff and finished my grad school applications. Talk about good timing!

I'm interested in this Ohio lawsuit. Unfortunately, my birth state does not recognize common usage for the purposes of changing my name on my birth certificate, but my state won't change the sex marker anyway, so I haven't tried to get anything on the BC changed. Since I don't live in my birth state, I'm kind of biding my time and waiting for some people to file suit against that state to make the laws more trans-friendly.

However, with an "M" on my passport, I have not had to use my birth certificate in ages. I think I've used the passport maybe twice in nearly ten years--not for travel, either--and the only time I have needed the birth certificate was when I was altering other documentation.

My physical changes happened pretty rapidly, so I feel lucky in that respect. I got top surgery three and a half months in, and BAM! I was pretty much universally seen as male after years and years of "Sir--oh" and "Sir, uh, Ma'am, uh, sorry." (I started looking more female in my thirties and forties. Age and gravity, I guess.) So the top surgery and a few months on T really made all the difference in the world.

[Jak]

How old were you when you started transitioning?

I have a slightly different story. I realized in 2014, at 58, that the language for how I had always felt was that I was non-binary. But, it's not that simple either. I've always wanted a male body, but not the social trappings that our culture have placed on men, generally speaking. But, in late 2015, at 59, I had top surgery. Yay! In late 2016 I started on low-dose T. Yay, again!

I'm still on low-dose T and have experienced bottom growth, a furry belly, facial hair, lowered voice, and off-the-charts sex drive - and I'm now also using a gender neutral name. BUT (see question 2), I am not pursuing a legal change of gender/sex marker. If we accept the gender binary, I'm definitely a man. But, even with my very strong desire to alter my body, I have no burning desire to change my gender/sex marker. That is largely due to the fact that I have a lesbian partner of 20 years who would flip, even though she's supportive of the physical changes; a teenage son; an aging parent with dementia; and so on. It's just not important enough to me, as long as I'm happy with my body. Frankly, I'm an advocate of eliminating legal (e.g., license, passport) and some societal (restrooms) gender rules.

So, to answer the question, I could say a) when I started wearing primarily "men's" clothing and doing "guy stuff" decades ago, b) in 2015 when I had top surgery, or c) never, because I don't really accept the gender (as distinguished from sex) binary.

Do you regret transitioning so late in life?  Do you wish you had transitioned earlier? 

Yes. Somewhat ironically, had I known 30 years ago (some of) what I know now, I probably would have embraced the binary and transitioned "fully."

Did you know that you were transgender at an early age or was it a relatively recent discovery?

Kind of answered this above. I never felt "like a woman," even as a lesbian. I always felt like women were a different species, of which I was not a member. But, I never thought - despite my desire for a male body - "I'm a (social) man."

Did you wait until you were "old enough to not care about family/work/society's reaction/s" when you transitioned?  If not, what made you wait until you were past 50?

See above.

As a 61 year old - who must be just a few days/weeks younger than Perry! - my biggest regret is that there are so few ways for older trans/GNC folks to connect. There are lots of things in my area for younger folks, but it feels odd to go to things where most of them could be my kids, if not grandkids. Yikes!

Thanks for asking, Ryuichi13.

[Ryuichi13]

Arch, it sounds like you're well on your way to whatever it is you are trying to do, whether it be retiring, or no longer getting misgendered.  Lucky you!  I'm envious!

Jak, I feel for you.  Sure, there are plenty of things for the "kids" that are geared for those that are 30 and under, but not a lot for us older transgender people.  That's one of the reasons I started this thread, so that we can get together and talk about things that are relative to those of us that are over 50.  Things like grandkids, retirement, the aches and pains that comes with getting older, and most importantly, transitioning as an older person, whether you are FTM or NB.  As long as you're happy, then that's all that matters. 

Thank you very much for answering the questions I posed.  Once again, I'm happy to find out that there are FTMs and NBs that are over the age of 50 here on the forum. 

Everyone, feel free to talk about whatever unique things that you want to.  If nothing else, I'm a ear to listen. 

Ryuichi

[Ryuichi13]

So....

I knew that my going on T would make my blood pressure change, since I'm now making more red blood cells, but the re-adjustment to find what dose will work for me is a pain in the butt!  And the medical parameters for "what constitutes having high blood pressure" have changed.  Both my PCP and my endo have told me that "the parameters have lowered from 130/80 to 120/80." 

So now, they're both trying to tweak my meds so that my blood pressure will end up around 120/80.  It used to constantly be 130/80, but if it means that I'll have a lower chance to have a heart attack or stroke, I'm all for tweaking my meds. 

But the process is a pain in the ass! 

I was on both lisinopril and HCTZ for 10 years when I was pre-T, and that combo worked fine.  But then testosterone started having my body make more red blood cells.  So my lisinopril dose was doubled for a few months.  That was the first tweak.
   
Then the blood pressure parameters changed and my calcium was high the next time I had my blood drawn.  My blood pressure went to 150/90, not terribly high, but high enough to give me headaches that couldn't be cured with pain relievers, an occasional pulse that I felt in both temples and made my vision weird for a month.  Not good.

So I was taken off of HCTZ completely to see how my body would react.  That was the second tweak.  In the meantime, I've been bouncing back and forth to my PCP to check my blood pressure every two weeks. 

So now, I'm back on HCTZ, and the double dose of lisinopril as the third tweak. 

I'm still getting the weird vision every now and then and the pulse in my temples, but not as bad as they were before.  I have an appointment to see my PCP yet again in a week and a half, and get blood drawn to check my calcium levels yet again. 

I'm wondering if I should have my HCTZ dose raised just a little bit to see if that will help.  I'm going to suggest that to my PCP when I next go in.

I'm not having a fun time with this, but at least my blood pressure isn't as bad as it was when I first found out I had it ten years ago.  It was in the "danger, you could have a massive stroke!!!" range then, which was really scary!

Anyways, I figured that the 50+ thread is the place to vent about this.  I hope you guys don't mind.

Ryuichi

[Perry]

Hey Ryuichi ,

I can sympathize with you regarding blood pressure regulation. Over the last 20 years or so I have been on many different medications to get control over my BP.

My body's production of red blood cells caused me a delay in starting T this year. My January blood test indicated hematocrit and RBC's at the upper range of acceptable. I had to see a hematologist (specialist so a long wait, ugh!) and get cleared before my endo would prescribe me T.

I did get cleared, discovered that I am one of the those people who just naturally fall at the high end of the scale. What advice I did get from him though is to occasionally donate blood to reduce the RBC volume. I wonder if the same advice might help in your situation? 

Good luck man,
Perry