I had a strategy going into meeting my parents for the first time as Sabrina and I want to share it with you.
First, it was about choosing the right location for the big moment. While it was tempting to stage my Sabrina reveal at some fancy new restaurant we had never tried before I didn't want there to be any unpleasant confrontation with challenging flavor profiles, or uncertain menu options. I wanted my parents to feel as comfortable and as in their comfort zone as possible. Since they were driving from an hour and half away just to see me I also didn't want to choose a place that was far from where I was staying or that could conceivably lead to us getting lost. Also, I wanted the restaurant to be casual but not too casual, I wanted table service and a relaxed atmosphere where we could talk without being drown out. I actually did ask, at one point, where my parents would like to eat but they quickly deferred the decision to me. I accepted without argument and then, the day of made a final decision. I chose the Bonefish Grill and it was absolutely perfect.
The other detail I agonized over was what to wear. In early talks my parents had suggested that they wanted me to present as gender neutral as possible and I had agreed a little too quickly to dress down in jeans and a flannel top. As the days and weeks went by it became apparent to me that, not only were they a little more open to my feminine side but that maybe dressing down was the exact wrong move. This was my big chance to define who Bree is in their eyes and hearts and if there's one thing this transition is about, it's being myself. I couldn't dilute that. So I consulted my partner and we agreed that I should wear a dress, but what kind? What level of formality? Which shoes and jewelry should I wear with it? How about my hair? ponytail? up? down? So I went through my closet and I thought I'd found the right dress, but as the date came closer, I became increasingly sure it was not the right dress. The one I had chosen was a black number with mesh details and colorful, splashy embroidered flowers. Acceptable for an evening look, maybe even a lunch but not a lunch in Florida at a mid tier family restaurant. The heels I had for it were too prim. So instead I chose a super casual thin cotton Old Navy dress with tiny embroidered flower details, that you can kind of see in the photos of us above. I also wore my swimsuit underneath it and let the straps show through at the top. Hair and makeup were just kind of a blessing. Both turned out spectacularly with minimal additional effort even though I will admit to fussing over every last detail.
The message I sent them was, above all else, confidence. The woman I wanted my parents to see was a woman caught mid-stream. She had a life. She had plans. This wasn't just a performance for their benefit. It was the result of a life being lived, and wise choices made to accomodate that life. This was a woman who knew how to dress for the moment, who knew how to handle herself in public and was unafraid to show herself to the world even in clogs that raise her 6'2" frame another two inches.
It worked. My parents saw who I wanted them to see. I didn't feel like i had deceived them in spite of all this calculation because who I wanted them to see, was me. The real me.
I kept the conversation lively, engaging and mostly about them. XD I veered away from politics and the news and even pop culture. Choosing instead to share in life details. Only a few times did I tell them about life as a woman, but when I did, i held nothing back. I asked my mom about all her jewelry, her outfit, and she in kind asked about mine. I mean, I was genuinely interested and I found it so refreshing to talk plainly about such things but I also wanted her to talk to me like a fellow female and that was a great shortcut. It also allowed me to open a new channel with her, girl talk. In the week leading up to this meeting I had become especially txt friendly, sending songs and inspirational quotes I thought she'd like. In hindsight I was seeding the idea that her "new daughter" was awesome.
It totally worked. You know you've succeeded when your mother, asks you where you got your heels. XD
Obviously every parent and every situation is different but this is what worked so well for me and I hope it gives you all ideas in how to approach your big moments. The next huge family event will be my niece's high school graduation in Austin in May. And that's when I've decided to wear the dress I didn't wear last week! So, look forward to lots of pics!
