Obligatory Time knowing I'm Trans before considering Transition

[BriBriMW]

Among other reasons for my parents not wanting me to transition, one of them is how short my 'questioning' timeframe was. I've had some other people who were also trans also kind of look down on me for getting through that period so fast... so I wanted more opinions on it.

For reference, I thought about sex change surgery twice during puberty for periods longer than 2 days, but never truly questioned my identity until May this year. I then entered a questioning period for about a month before realising I was trans and then getting comfortable with that fact for about another month.

Is it too fast to be possible? I don't want to ask if I'm not trans enough but was that too fast? Could I not be trans because of how fast it was? Up until this point I've told myself it was just because I think and process faster due to very mild autism but now idk..

[Northern Star Girl]

Among other reasons for my parents not wanting me to transition, one of them is how short my 'questioning' timeframe was. I've had some other people who were also trans also kind of look down on me for getting through that period so fast... so I wanted more opinions on it.

For reference, I thought about sex change surgery twice during puberty for periods longer than 2 days, but never truly questioned my identity until May this year. I then entered a questioning period for about a month before realising I was trans and then getting comfortable with that fact for about another month.

Is it too fast to be possible? I don't want to ask if I'm not trans enough but was that too fast? Could I not be trans because of how fast it was? Up until this point I've told myself it was just because I think and process faster due to very mild autism but now idk..

@BriBriMW
Whether it is too fast or not, you need to consider these dramatic and traumatic life changing transition issues very carefully.
I am hoping and trusting that you have been seeing a therapist to discuss your feelings about all of your "questioning" issues and your desired transition time-frame.   

All of this is exactly why gender transitioners seek the counsel of a therapist that can help you to understand and discuss all the implications and ramifications of your proposed decisions.

Wishing you well, I will be looking forward to reading your future updates.
Danielle

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Transitioning is, most of the time, an irreversible process, literally life changing, extremely demanding on many levels (familial, social, professional, physical, financial). I repeat: irreversible. You're better be sure of what you're doing or you may finish at an even more uncomfortable place than where you started.

Feelings of some sort of gender incongruity for a couple of days or months is hardly enough to affirm categorically that one is transgender and to take such a giant leap as transitioning. Gender dysphoria is a beast that usually permeates your life for years. The formidable effort and sacrifice required to transition usually leads one to try to silence the "inner voice", but this only works for short times. Eventually, one feels that life in the gender assigned at birth is more and more unpalatable, nonsensical and painful. Many times, a period of RLE and low dose HRT will greatly relieve the suffering and this will be yet another argument towards a full transition.

Talking over several months time with an experienced therapist can help you see more clearly what's going on. Being transgender is something that nobody in his/her right mind would choose or wish. It's not fashionable. It's not a lifestyle. It's a curse that people try to cope with it as best as they can - and many times this involves a transition. Many times they become much happier and accomplished than before.

I wish you luck and patience in the quest for your true self, whoever that is. [emoji4]

Sarah

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[Sonja]

@BriBriMW

I echo what Danielle and Sarah said above. I hope you've been seeing a gender therapist - I really do think that there shouldn't be any doubts in your mind if you decide to go down this path, its not an easy one. I also think that the feeling of needing to change should be with a person for some time in order for them to understand what it is and where it comes from.  It sounds to me like you and your parents need more surety about all of this - and more time with a professional as well as a transgender support group would probably help sure up your own feelings in this matter.

Take care,

Sonja.

[DawnOday]

BriBri. We are who we are from the womb. Something in the process went wrong and we were born with male bodies but our brains develop with female sensibilities. A gender therapist will explain this to you. There is research that suggests this. As full on research has been delayed for far too long. Information come out in dribs and drabs. It may have something to do with GMO's or other medications your mother may have taken while you were growing inside her. Read through the introductions and see for yourself. Notice how similar the stories are. I thought I was alone on the planet until I came to Susans and they have helped me so much. I don't believe I have read one story where it came on over night and it was a choice, The only choice we have is to live as we were meant to be from the beginning, Now I get to give back. There are many explanations in our wiki's and links.

[EvaB]

Let me tell my story a bit, I too come across this realization suddenly.  VERY suddenly!  Yes, I had childhood manifestations but was successful in sublimating this like all good little boys of my age.  (I am approaching 70.  When I was growing up, this was just a fantasy in novels (Edgar Rice Burroughs wrote a book (Martian series) that talks about a male brain transferred to a female body.)
So, when this came up, I was stunned.  I have been going to a therapist (I can't emphasize how important this is, putting aside you need a therapist's recommendation to do anything with doctors for HRT, surgeries, anything) and gotten confirmation about my gender dysphoria.
Even said, I went through a period of self-doubt and fear (I have a great family and I greatly fear the effect this will have on them), and nearly talked myself out of this dilemma.  Fake it until you die was facing me squarely in the face.  And I fell into a depression, gained 30 lbs and began feeling totally hopeless.  In a sense, I was moving to a silent spot waiting to die like a wounded animal crawling under a bush.  (Spiro didn't help during this time, as I got some negative side affects.)
Not until I decided that faking it wasn't working and embraced my ->-bleeped-<- did I come out of this nose dive.  Since then I have lost 17 lbs and am on track to lose a lot more, but more importantly I am happy again.  I have purpose and I WANT TO LIVE!
It is normal to have self-doubts and maybe you may decide against transitioning, many others on this site have done so (first thing I learned on this site is that this commitment is yours and whether you continue following the transitioning path or not everyone on this site supports your decision).  We will love you whichever way you turn, but above all realize this is part of your expansion of YOUR self-awareness, no one else's.
My surprise at your post is this response from fellow transgenders who feel it is a right of passage (extended period of suffering) that all must go through to be legitimate.  Maybe someone could tell me about this...  On this website, I have not gotten this strange reverse discrimination, but I got an inkling it existed once, when working with a transgender doctor.

Yours, EvaB

[Harley Quinn]

There's no real time frame to "know". There's no real timeframe to decide. If you know you know, if you are ready to take the leap, then its pretty much a reality. Now, don't make light of the consequences of your decisions. Consider them fully, and understand the pros and cons. There's no time limit; too fast or too slow. There's only what's right for you. Some people have a lot invested in their cis gender identity which complicates things, some have less making it easier to decide. Just consider all the pros/cons and be comfortable with your decision; then you've done it "correctly".

[Tatiana 79]

Hello BriBri
This certainly must be a most perplexing question at your young age.  But you just got boatloads of awesome advice from experienced members and you're at the right place to gain more insight on your situation.
I tend to agree with Dawn we were born this way sick with gender dysphoria completely absent any choice. Everyone is different but most of us feel this from a very early age and it persists.
If you truly are trans this is how it occurred there is there is no environmental factors that can cause this, the gender malleability theories have long been thrown out.
Working with your parents and a trained therapist will probably come to a conclusion.
It is very possible to have a perfectly genetic male body with XY chromosomes but with a female brain. This is what happened to Dawn and I because our mothers were exposed to the Insidious Drug D E S.
This would not be the case for you because you're too young this drug was banned in 71. But know this there are many many things not understood that will result in the brain defaulting to female.
There's no for sure exact guidelines to follow in this area but I do remember the wise Advocate Michelle stated that if consistent, insistent and persistent symptoms last for at least 6 months, being trans could be very possible. Assuming I interpreted her correctly.

I wish you all the best with your self exploration. And please take your time I believe the real you will emerge.

Much love Tatiana.

[anne_indy]

Hello BriBri - I agree with what others have said. Having an engineering degree myself, I would recommend taking your time. Transition consumes a great deal of emotional energy, and HRT will have effects on your physical performance (this varies highly person to person). Obtaining your degree will give you a strong basis for earning a living and covering the costs of transition on your own. I don't know all of the issues that your parents are concerned with, but I'm sure that they want to see you obtain your degree.

I knew that I was transgender in middle school, but didn't come out to my parents until I was in college. At that point I spent some time with a psychiatrist (not gender trained) at the request of my parents. That wasn't helpful, but what was expected at the. time. I won't go into detail here, but a lot happened after that delayed any action on my part. I am only now, many years later, coming back to address those issues and finally started HRT.

There are many examples in the STEM areas of successful transitioned achievers. So there is great hope for you.

Anne


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