Earlier this week I was asked to cantor a funeral for a member of our church. The funeral was this morning. Now that it's over, I can't help but think how I'm changing.
Over the years, if I wasn't close to the family - it was a performance. I could do it, and do it almost perfectly. If I was close to the person and the family, I would have emotions.
Now it's always a struggle. I feel the grief of the family, and it affects me.
Secondly, my hair's longer, and I have a bust, but since I haven't come out yet to all but a very close few - I present totally male; take off my earrings, put on a white button down shirt, suit, tie, blue or black calf length socks, black dress shoes.
Kinda humorous but as I dressed this morning I realized my white lace bra was showing through my shirt a bit. I decided from now on, when I get a call from our music director that a family has asked for a cantor, I'm going to immediately wash my white sports bra....
Did put my earrings back in when I changed back to my more feminine wardrobe. ;-)
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