Opening the cage

[Devlyn]

Today was our 2nd photo shoot! On Saturday we picked up some more of our favorite brand of makeup, and used it today on her. For me, it was like riding a bicycle. I knew exactly what to do with it, and it went where I wanted it to go. When I was done, she put on her newest dress, and let me take pictures of her. I caught two shots of her shining through, looking very little like her man-shell. She is considering using one for her profile avatar as soon as she has posted 15 comments.

Speaking of comments, how wonderful to see her interacting with people here! She only talked with her closest friend (beside me) in an annual Christmas card, but now she is bursting with things to say to everyone who commented on her thread, and has responded to someone else's thread. It's so good to see her so full of life.

We've been chipping away at her eyebrows. A few weeks ago I used a "personal trimmer" on the longest hairs. That made a huge difference. Next, I want to shape the lower edge, but when I used the tweezers on one strand, it hurt her awful! It reminded me of when I first plucked my eyebrows. Now I recall that I should use ice, cream, or Lidocaine first. I've been conspicuous about plucking my eyebrows (which I hadn't done in years), but she's not feeling encouraged yet. Funny how it doesn't hurt me at all any more.

Today, we tried our newest nail polish on her. Most of her nails have grown to a length that I think is lovely for her. This is one of her two favorite colors.

I approve of this colour! 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Moonflower]

Incidentally, I enjoy reading about you supporting your partner in her transition.  Was it always so?  In reading here, I've noticed it takes some partners a bit of time to come around and some never do.

Thanks Anne. I'm enjoying chronicling it for her as she gets up to speed here. She is quite the popular lady, and is learning how to manage a pile of friendly, cheerful messages, thanks to Susan's.

I don't recall ever having a problem with Beth. I think that she is whom I met when she, as my future husband, was trying to attract me. I fell head over heels in love with her, and puzzled over the male stranger who inhabited her body when we were around anyone else. So, Beth coming out means that I get more of the person whom I love!

The only problem that I recall was one of trust, afraid that another, bigger secret was going to come out. I was straining my peripheral vision in anticipation.

I have stated here at Susan's that I am a heterosexual. Then I stated that I am bisexual. I recall now that my earliest romantic attachment was with a girl. Our troll dolls were married, wife and efiw (wife spelled backwards). I wanted to marry that friend. As a young woman, I was attracted to women, but none responded. Men did... and kept me too busy to miss women's attention. Much.

All that makes Beth's and my staying together so much easier than how it is for many other couples. Our first steps were to read books and watch movies (fiction and documentary) to fuel our discussions about the terminology to figure out where she was on the spectrum. More recently, we've been reading about intersex, and guessing how pieces of her memory fit together to explain how she got to where she is. Other stories here on Susan's have been great at triggering her memories.

My reason for posting here is to assure women that women like me exist. You are lovable. You are fun. You are exciting. You deserve the best care and support. Both cis women and transgender women.

I'm leaning toward explaining what makes Beth and me so closely bonded, to help provide something like a checklist that can be used to assess or improve the possibility of staying in an established relationship. Or maybe my posts can inspire women to do what it takes to keep a good partner, or to move on with appreciation and respect.

By the way Ann, have you heard anything about the status of your hrt prescription? I'd be on the phone every day following up! Or sulking in a dark corner with my phone on my lap...

[Moonflower]

You are a wonderful S/O she is in good hands.
I am lucky to have one like you also.
I am going to follow her and your posts
And watch this butterfly come orut of her chrysalis.

AJ

Thanks AJ. You are a sweetheart.

I look forward to seeing you around. And your SO.

Hooray for butterflies!

[AnneK]

The only problem that I recall was one of trust, afraid that another, bigger secret was going to come out. I was straining my peripheral vision in anticipation.

In many cases we're terrified of the possible reaction, so we tend to keep things to ourselves.

By the way Ann, have you heard anything about the status of your hrt prescription? I'd be on the phone every day following up! Or sulking in a dark corner with my phone on my lap...

Not yet.  I have my annual physical scheduled for next week.  I'll ask then, if I haven't heard first.  I get the impression that only a few endo's do this sort of work, so there may be a bit of a wait.  It's been less than 3 years since the protocols changed in Ontario, to make transgender procedures so much easier to obtain, so perhaps they're still catching up.  Also, we'll soon have a GCS clinic offering full services, in Toronto.  At the moment, they're just doing the lighter stuff, such as orchi's.  Beyond that, it's still necessary to go to the Brassard clinic in Montreal.  The new one is close enough to me that I could get there by bus & subway or cab!  It's a little over a half hour drive, when traffic isn't jammed.

[LizK]

....I have stated here at Susan's that I am a heterosexual. Then I stated that I am bisexual. I recall now that my earliest romantic attachment was with a girl. Our troll dolls were married, wife and efiw (wife spelled backwards). I wanted to marry that friend. As a young woman, I was attracted to women, but none responded. Men did... and kept me too busy to miss women's attention. Much. ....

It was not until my last round of therapy that I realised I had my first serious crush on a guy when I was nursing at 18 years of age. I remember it really screwing with my head because despite that fact I was trying to be the average cis male I was like an emotional puddle around him...him being cute didn't help. See what I mean even now I still think of him as cute...but I digress. He ended up moving to another city and I got really upset when this happened and though about him constantly. I never really thought about it as a gay relationship because I always imagined myself as the woman..so I saw him wanting me in a heterosexual way. I guess what I am trying to say that we have these relationships sometimes and we don't always understand their significance for a good many years....

Take care


Liz

[Moonflower]

I have been a bit insensitive. You might not have noticed it, because I tried to contain the thought inside my head, "Why care if you pass, as long as you know you're a woman?"

Yesterday I was struck with the realization that it is a safety issue.

What if my dear Beth is misgendered as a man while in a Ladies' Room?

The obvious answer is to locate the non-gendered bathrooms in the area. We only found listings for places where we don't go.

Have you encountered this? What can we do?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[Michelle_P]

I have been a bit insensitive. You might not have noticed it, because I tried to contain the thought inside my head, "Why care if you pass, as long as you know you're a woman?"

Yesterday I was struck with the realization that it is a safety issue.

What if my dear Beth is misgendered as a man while in a Ladies' Room?

The obvious answer is to locate the non-gendered bathrooms in the area. We only found listings for places where we don't go.

Have you encountered this? What can we do?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

The two best practical solutions I have are:
1) Escort Beth to the restroom.  Two women entering or leaving are far less likely to trigger another person watching than a single rather easily read woman.
2) Use the 'Family' or single stall restrooms.  Malls often have a 'Family' restroom, and most Starbucks have single stall restrooms (although some are removing seating so they qualify for not needing a restroom!)

I had an unfortunate incident in a mall restroom about 6 months after going fulltime.  The deranged person involved was eventually taken away by mall security.  California law gives me the right to be there even if pre-op, or my birth certificate has the wrong gender marked.

[Moonflower]

Beth has been saying that she'd like hair clips. So, today I took her to a store that has an entire wall of hair decorations.

When we got home, I swept her hair back, and put one clip in. "OMG!", I exclaimed! "We must trim your sideburns." So, I used the personal trimmer, and she said, "Good riddance!"

What a difference!

Next: continue trimming her eyebrows?

[Moonflower]

we'll soon have a GCS clinic offering full services, in Toronto.  At the moment, they're just doing the lighter stuff, such as orchi's.  Beyond that, it's still necessary to go to the Brassard clinic in Montreal.  The new one is close enough to me that I could get there by bus & subway or cab!  It's a little over a half hour drive, when traffic isn't jammed.

That sounds so exciting!  For HRT, we can go 2 hrs to a clinic that goes out of its way to be trans friendly. Or an hour away for a  university clinic with a long waiting list. I tried to see an endocrinologist there, and they lost my referral 3 times!

[Moonflower]

I approve of this colour! 

Hugs, Devlyn

Come on over, Devlyn! I'll paint your nails, too 

[Moonflower]

Thanks Liz for being here.

It was not until my last round of therapy that I realised I had my first serious crush on a guy... I never really thought about it as a gay relationship because I always imagined myself as the woman..so I saw him wanting me in a heterosexual way. I guess what I am trying to say that we have these relationships sometimes and we don't always understand their significance for a good many years....

Yeah. So many details that seemed unimportant at the time, light up with vast meaning later. What was murky suddenly becomes clear and makes sense.

[HappyMoni]

I have been a bit insensitive. You might not have noticed it, because I tried to contain the thought inside my head, "Why care if you pass, as long as you know you're a woman?"

Yesterday I was struck with the realization that it is a safety issue.

What if my dear Beth is misgendered as a man while in a Ladies' Room?

The obvious answer is to locate the non-gendered bathrooms in the area. We only found listings for places where we don't go.

Have you encountered this? What can we do?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Moonflower, 3 years ago,when I was switching back and forth in presentation, male/female, I took a trip to the beach after work. We stopped in a Cracker Barrel with me in guy clothes. I went toward the men's bathroom and this older gentleman practically had a heart attack that I was going in there. The next day, I went out to lunch with three other women, me dressed in female clothes. The waiter initially called me ma'am then apologized with a Sir. Then he added that some of the folks who come in there on the weekend, you couldn't tell what they were. I was stunned, and self conscious then, so I did not speak up. I did leave a note stating that I was one of those people who he was talking about and we deserve respect. Also he would get better tips being respectful. Passing makes life easier.

[Moonflower]

The two best practical solutions I have are:
1) Escort Beth to the restroom.  Two women entering or leaving are far less likely to trigger another person watching than a single rather easily read woman.
2) Use the 'Family' or single stall restrooms.  Malls often have a 'Family' restroom, and most Starbucks have single stall restrooms (although some are removing seating so they qualify for not needing a restroom!)

I had an unfortunate incident in a mall restroom about 6 months after going fulltime.  The deranged person involved was eventually taken away by mall security.  California law gives me the right to be there even if pre-op, or my birth certificate has the wrong gender marked.

Thanks Michelle for sharing your exceptional story, and giving suggestions.

When Beth presents as a woman in public, I will absolutely not let her use a restroom alone. Thanks for the reassurance and logic that this works. We are usually together anyway, so I only need to worry about when she goes somewhere alone.

We have a mall near us, which is closing, and they have a Family restroom. We were afraid to use it. Like a handicap stall, what if we inconvenience a family that needs it? But I did use it once, in support of the concept. Then I put an amusing both-gender bathroom sign on the door of our main bathroom at home. That brought out great comments from guests.

At the jumbo mall near us, we can't find ANY genderless bathrooms! I'll have to write to them. Hmmmmm How to phrase the letter so they see that genderless bathrooms would be in their best interest... I can look up recently proposed legislation for some key phrases...

All of the fast food places that we have stopped at for bathroom breaks, all have gender-specific restrooms. More letters to write... Maybe visits with my state legislators. Coordinate with the nearby trans group... I'm psyched! I love doing this kind of thing. Thanks, Michelle, for the spark!

[Moonflower]

Moonflower, 3 years ago,when I was switching back and forth in presentation, male/female, I took a trip to the beach after work. We stopped in a Cracker Barrel with me in guy clothes. I went toward the men's bathroom and this older gentleman practically had a heart attack that I was going in there. The next day, I went out to lunch with three other women, me dressed in female clothes. The waiter initially called me ma'am then apologized with a Sir. Then he added that some of the folks who come in there on the weekend, you couldn't tell what they were. I was stunned, and self conscious then, so I did not speak up. I did leave a note stating that I was one of those people who he was talking about and we deserve respect. Also he would get better tips being respectful. Passing makes life easier.

Hey, Moni! Glad to see you here!

How bizarre that you were read as a male when presenting as a female, and vice versa. How distressing,  confusing. But I love the way you responded to the waiter! That's great!

Beth and I can't work fast enough to get her to the point where she expects to be read as a woman. Now that I trimmed her sideburns off, and put a pretty clip in her hair, I expect that we'll do another little photo shoot tomorrow. Then maybe she'll be ready to post a profile picture, and maybe post it at a thread asking for suggestions.

I hope you're enjoying your weekend,
Grace

[HappyMoni]

Now I tend to forget how scary bathrooms were. I did learn to 'own' going into them. I acted confident, like I belonged there, and didn't look down at the floor like I was nervous. If my eyes met anyone's I just smiled and that was it. I never had an issue going into the woman's room.  Just that one time going in the men's room ironically. Oh there was that time I wore a one piece (first time wearing one) at the beach and went to poop in the ladies room. I learned the value of checking for toilet paper before pooping when in the woman's room. Out of 30 stalls, I think 4 had toilet paper. I had to pull up that one piece and beg another woman to let me go in a stall she was about to go in to 'wipe my behind.'  There was a serious line. Beth needs to know this stuff as it doesn't happen in the men's room. lol

[Moonflower]

Now I tend to forget how scary bathrooms were. I did learn to 'own' going into them. I acted confident, like I belonged there, and didn't look down at the floor like I was nervous. If my eyes met anyone's I just smiled and that was it. I never had an issue going into the woman's room.  Just that one time going in the men's room ironically. Oh there was that time I wore a one piece (first time wearing one) at the beach and went to poop in the ladies room. I learned the value of checking for toilet paper before pooping when in the woman's room. Out of 30 stalls, I think 4 had toilet paper. I had to pull up that one piece and beg another woman to let me go in a stall she was about to go in to 'wipe my behind.'  There was a serious line. Beth needs to know this stuff as it doesn't happen in the men's room. lol

Thank you for the thoughtful pointers!

Men's rooms don't run out of TP? I never knew!

[AnneK]

For HRT, we can go 2 hrs to a clinic that goes out of its way to be trans friendly.

The endocrinologist I'm being referred to is in the same city as that clinic, but a bit further.

Men's rooms don't run out of TP? I never knew!

News to me too.  I regularly check, before I sit down.

[KathyLauren]

We have a mall near us, which is closing, and they have a Family restroom. We were afraid to use it. Like a handicap stall, what if we inconvenience a family that needs it?

Hun, you are a family that needs it!  Family / single-user washrooms are for anyone who is not comfortable in a shared space.  I hope no one reading this will hesitate to use one if it is available and they need it.

[HappyMoni]

Thank you for the thoughtful pointers!

Men's rooms don't run out of TP? I never knew!

Never say never, right, but I would say it gets used up faster in women's rooms. You don't look for it as often as half the  time guys go to the urinal. In my defense it was a heightened trauma (term used in humor) as I had never walked into a stall before and thought, "Oh man, I need to take all my clothes off to do this!" lol Then realizing people were elbowing each other in this giant human chain trying to get to the last  few precious sheets. I realized I had truly landed on the planet Venus. This is the consequence of GCS for you girls looking toward it, taking that one piece off to pee and there being no TP. No more 'shake shake and done.' Think about it, ah... or stash a few sheets in your purse, I guess! Well now I just feel silly!

DramaMoni

[Moonflower]

stash a few sheets in your purse

Great minds think alike. How many times have I found the TP roll empty, and sat waiting for someone to bring me some? Many. Wouldn't you think that I would be prepared?

When I shared your previous comment with Beth, she, like you, concluded that women must carry TP in a purse. What a brilliant idea! I don't know of any women who do such a thing. I don't know any women who think to check for TP before using a stall, either.

However, facial tissues are common in purses, which can be used if desperate,  but are terrible for septic systems. You can dispose of them in the little garbage cans that are intended for tampons and such.

You are wonderfully practical.