Before transitioning: Were you the fem gay type or masculine?

[Lexi Nexi]

I wish I knew how to make a poll on this forum but can't find that option.

I wish I was the feminine gay type before I transitioned I would think this would be a lot easier. I wasn't overly masculine but the feminine traits I have I hid very well. I still find myself hiding them, then unhiding them. But somethings have to be relearned. I know it shouldn't matter but it does matter to me. Maybe that will change as I'm not obsessed with being passible like I used to.

I like numbers so I am curious how many trans people started out as the type of person where people said "you look or act like a girl" or "you would make a very good girl". The stereotypical feminine gay guy I'm wondering. For me it can still be  a struggle because I'm not the touchy feely type, I realize that neither are many cis women, but it would help me play the part better. So much of how you are perceived is though actions and mannerisms. I just don't like being "in the middle".

[KathyLauren]

I was a feminine straight guy.  That's a tough combination to deal with.  I had to work hard to study how "real" men behaved and try to copy them in order to pass as male.  Being attracted only to women, I was able to delude myself that I was a straight man, which probably set my transition back several decades.

Life got a lot simpler and happier when I realized that I was a lesbian woman.

[Alice (nym)]

I've not transitioned but I can relate to how I am perceived now...

I try to present masculine... but I've had more than one woman say that I would make a good girl. Personally I don't see it (in terms of passing) but they seem to think so... which means I was failing at trying to present masculine.

Same as a teenager, was bullied because people thought I was gay/sissy even though I never did anything that would give that impression except I fought like a girl (claws out, hair pulling... etc.)...

So perhaps there is something in between the two types?  Not overly masculine but not fem gay either.

I am uncomfortable at people invading my space and uncomfortable invading other people's space too. But there must be some vibes that I am giving off in my performance that is making observant people see something feminine in me. Online, people just assume that I am female until they hear my voice and it usually takes them by surprise. So perhaps it is the language that I use    The first two people I came out to, said it made a lot of sense now they knew, that there was something off about me that they couldn't pinpoint.

But I try? tried?  to present masculine... even learned to follow football so I had something to talk about. Could never master a passion for vehicles though and my impression of beauty in people tends to be vastly different to the other people I know.

[big kim]

Badass beer drinking pool shooting girl and boy chasing biker.

[TonyaW]

Not the macho macho man type but certainly didn't come off as effeminate.

Denial, fear of being found out,  and testosterone poisoning made it not to hard to pull off.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

[Allison S]

Lol oh people knew. I could be sitting there like a statue and you could see right through me. I just embrace it now because those "vibes" I always had and was called out on are probably what help me get by day to day. I don't get misgendered and it's a relief.
But as far as coming off feminine, I really had no idea. I think I avoided thinking about it for so long because then it couldn't be real. Well, it definitely all caught up to me. You can only hide for so long before realizing you're only fooling yourself.

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

[GingerVicki]

What does straight acting gay guy count as? I personally feel that I fall between the two. I'm more gender fluid if anything.

[AnneK]

While I have always presented as a straight male, I found a lot of masculine behaviour repulsive.  I am most definitely not "macho" and have never, ever wanted to be.  I don't want to be that stupid!

[krobinson103]

I was just plain androgynous. I tried to be the 'man' but usually didn't pull it off very well.

[sarahc]

Straight male, but no machoness. No one ever considered I might be trans.

[Lynne]

I tried to hide my feminine traits for a long time and I have a lot of interests that are still mostly associated with men but I was just never very convincing as a man so people perceived me as the fem gay type. I remember that I got a comment in school that I walk like a girl. After that I tried even harder to bury everything feminine.
There were some male fails even then, when I didn't have long hair and I didn't wear any women's clothing.
Nowadays I'm deliberately androgynous when I have to present as a man so people definitely don't see me as masculine.

[Jessica_K]

Not transitioned yet but I know others had said that I was a girly guy some said they thought I was a gay guy, never been masculin. Compensated a lot for all the years I can remember, never doubted however my sexuality, that I liked girls/women. So definitely a lesbian woman to be

[Lexi Nexi]

Hmmm these are very varied responces. This is a question where if I saw you in real life for 30 seconds I would have exactly the answer I was looking for but very hard to tell online.

I guess I should have asked: "did you talk with the gay voice before you transitioned" and that would answer many of my questions or rather have a general category I could put people in. This question has nothing to do with me but rather I just like statistics and learning human behavior.

I remember when I first discovered forums how many ways you could manipulate groups of people and observe behavior to a manufactured stimulus; things you couldn't or wouldn't do in real life because of legality, social etiquette, seeming weird, or just coming off as an ->-bleeped-<-.  Kind of like trolling for scientific purposes and also being able to set up control groups. Another great tool is putting comments in youtube and seeing people reactions: Like copy and paste the exact same comment on several videos and then look at the responses you get or the people who watch them. If I had the data google did I would spend all day making predictions and watching behavior. I have several youtube videos that I come back and check every now and then to see what the likes are up to (you have to keep your comment on top for this to work) then scrolling down and reading the comments. In some of the videos I will actually say "that's not really my opinion I'm studying your reaction to my comment vs the people who watched this other video, but with the same comment." And for many people it goes right over their heads or don't notice what I'm doing. Whats also interesting is you can get like 1,000 thumbs up on youtube in a comment and then edit the comment to say the opposite of why people thumbed it up in the first place then watch the comments. "i.e. woa, 1000 people think that hitler was good for germany! that's surprising"

People's minds are the ultimate toy to play with.  Things I still want to play with are Russian troll bots but so far I have only found one. Its like that crappy AI telemarketers use, but it works.

[Kirsteneklund7]

I wish I knew how to make a poll on this forum but can't find that option.

I wish I was the feminine gay type before I transitioned I would think this would be a lot easier. I wasn't overly masculine but the feminine traits I have I hid very well. I still find myself hiding them, then unhiding them. But somethings have to be relearned. I know it shouldn't matter but it does matter to me. Maybe that will change as I'm not obsessed with being passible like I used to.

I like numbers so I am curious how many trans people started out as the type of person where people said "you look or act like a girl" or "you would make a very good girl". The stereotypical feminine gay guy I'm wondering. For me it can still be  a struggle because I'm not the touchy feely type, I realize that neither are many cis women, but it would help me play the part better. So much of how you are perceived is though actions and mannerisms. I just don't like being "in the middle".

As a child I would sometimes be mistaken for a girl. I expressed masculine & feminine traits. As a teenager I manned up & became a mans man.
Funnily my female lovers saw through the facade and told me I was feminine underneath.
In my forties I allowed my feminine self to show through again.
I'm naturally masculine but have a feminine  side as well.


Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

[Eryn T]

I was neither gay, nor feminine. I think my old self was always about the suppression of my emotions and desires.

I did my normal, deep voice and tried to mimic Arnold Schwarzenegger. It wasn't until I started transitioning that I did anything else with my voice.

I was visibly not a woman, but I wasn't manly really, either. I was basically a gender-less pack mule.  I did things, to others they may have held some connection to gender/sex, but for me, they are just things I did. 

Aside from that, there have been plenty of occasions where I said or did things that would make someone's eyebrows raise in questioning. Like when I was real young and I told my mom, "The only thing keeping me from being a woman is my penis"  Later in life, I even tried to force myself to be gay(male/male) because I thought it's what I must be- I was utterly blind to who I really am.

Also, I love my voice, and it's what pushed me to really reconcile with my feelings. I may not have began transitioning if not for my femme voice.

[Jifoverskippy]

I wish I was the feminine gay type before I transitioned I would think this would be a lot easier. I wasn't overly masculine but the feminine traits I have I hid very well. I still find myself hiding them, then unhiding them. But somethings have to be relearned. I know it shouldn't matter but it does matter to me. Maybe that will change as I'm not obsessed with being passible like I used to.

I feel like you ripped that out of my head. I have quite a few feminine traits and after years of suppressing them I'm finding it hard to be me, the real me that is. I think the biggest question I have is how do you get out of your head and just let yourself be?

[sarahc]

As a child I would sometimes be mistaken for a girl. I expressed masculine & feminine traits. As a teenager I manned up & became a mans man.
Funnily my female lovers saw through the facade and told me I was feminine underneath.
In my forties I allowed my feminine self to show through again.
I'm naturally masculine but have a feminine  side as well.


Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Yup! Happened to me as well. Both my serious girlfriends were one of the very few people who thought I might be gay.

I don't think I'm going to be super-fem once I transition either. I mean, I'll want to be pretty, but I'm going to aim for low-effort beauty rather than high-effort beauty.

[StacyRenee]

I was quiet and an introvert. Not so much feminine as just a skinny, wimpy boy. I was bullied and teased often for being like that. I had some friends, but none I would consider close. As an adult I became more introverted and basically have no friends.

Now that I've started my transition, I'm much more open and friendly, but I'm still very much a homebody and socialize very rarely.

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

[CarlyMcx]

I was a tough little guy.  I got the swimming merit badge in Boy Scouts (one of the hardest ones), I was a big wave surfer, I built hot rods,  I was a bicycle racer.  I had six pack abs most of the time.  I drove Ferrari's and Lamborghinis on the race track.  Between the ages of six and nineteen I was in a total of six fist fights.  I re-piped and re-wired my house, did all the work myself.

I am very happy I am not that guy any more.  Being him was a lot of work!

I like to think he is happily retired somewhere in my imagination, driving a 1970's Camaro along a beach somewhere.

[RobynD]

I think I was actually both. I was a typical jock crossed with a D&D playing geek in HS and I always chose my feminine traits and could turn them on and off as I pleased.

I experimented constantly with dress, mannerisms, and values to embrace, and it made dating interesting, particularly dating girls because of the attitudes back then. Dating guys was also interesting, cause often I did not fit their mold either, but date, I did.

I think a lot of people do not fit in heteronormative or cultural normative masculinity and femininity and it has been true since ancient times. Its way more a slider than it is a 2 pole or even 3 pole switch.