Transgender, Bigender and confusion.

[WKinyobi]

I learned about the LGBTQ+ community a couple months into my first year of high school. With it came a term that I'd never heard before, the more I got to learn about it and see the people who identified with it and hearing how they felt, I thought I had found what had been causing me my anxiety and depression that my child psychologist couldn't figure out years back when I still had my sessions.

Its been years since then. Since I learned I might be Transgender. Its a hard topic to talk about in a town where difference is shund. So the might persists, or rather it's boiled over into confusion.

Some days are what people call normal, no  anxiety, no dysphoria. These are days where my beard stubble doesn't bother me,  or I don't feel frustrated when using the bathroom.
But then there's my other days, crippling anxiety and bottled up tears that when given the opportunity don't present themselves to give any form of relief. The days when the pain I felt while waxing my beard was well worth it. And a bladder infection seemed like a better alternative than touching that parasite.

So where do I lay? Am I just grasping a term that could explain anything more than not knowing anything at all. Or am a something else, Bigender? Two selves awkwardly fighting each other to receive some light. Another possibility is that I'm actually listening to parents. People that would form any argument in our debate concerning my confusion.

I thank you if you've read this far. I really needed a place where I could get things of my shoulders. I know that this is something I need to answer myself but any form of help would be much appreciated.

Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk

[Devlyn]

Transgender covers all of us. Bigender, crossdresser, transsexual, I mean, what's it really matter? You are who you are. Self acceptance is the doorway. Over the years here I've seen people struggle and struggle, and one day they reach a point of accepting themselves for who they are. Once through that doorway, they are off and running.

I'm a beautiful blend of male and female. I have no need for anyone else to like it, or accept it. Life is smooth, sometimes there's a bump, someone with a big mouth, or a Big Book that explains everything. That's their deal, I don't have to worry about it.

Look within yourself. Like what you see, because what you see is you, and you only get one shot at this life. Living it unhappily, or as someone else, is a collosal waste of time.

Hugs, Devlyn

[gracefulhat]

I learned about the LGBTQ+ community a couple months into my first year of high school. With it came a term that I'd never heard before, the more I got to learn about it and see the people who identified with it and hearing how they felt, I thought I had found what had been causing me my anxiety and depression that my child psychologist couldn't figure out years back when I still had my sessions.

Its been years since then. Since I learned I might be Transgender. Its a hard topic to talk about in a town where difference is shund. So the might persists, or rather it's boiled over into confusion.

Some days are what people call normal, no  anxiety, no dysphoria. These are days where my beard stubble doesn't bother me,  or I don't feel frustrated when using the bathroom.
But then there's my other days, crippling anxiety and bottled up tears that when given the opportunity don't present themselves to give any form of relief. The days when the pain I felt while waxing my beard was well worth it. And a bladder infection seemed like a better alternative than touching that parasite.

So where do I lay? Am I just grasping a term that could explain anything more than not knowing anything at all. Or am a something else, Bigender? Two selves awkwardly fighting each other to receive some light. Another possibility is that I'm actually listening to parents. People that would form any argument in our debate concerning my confusion.

I thank you if you've read this far. I really needed a place where I could get things of my shoulders. I know that this is something I need to answer myself but any form of help would be much appreciated.

Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk

I can only speak from my own personal experience obviously, but I didn't have crippling dysphoria everyday (like you) but it came and went like waves. The older I got the more frequent and intense they became and stress/anxiety made it worse. Like Devlyn wrote, we are who we are. I am male and female, yet neither. It's a strange thing to grasp.

[Alice (nym)]

Same, it comes in waves of intensity. It is always there but how intense the feelings are differs.

[WKinyobi]

I can only speak from my own personal experience obviously, but I didn't have crippling dysphoria everyday (like you) but it came and went like waves. The older I got the more frequent and intense they became and stress/anxiety made it worse. Like Devlyn wrote, we are who we are. I am male and female, yet neither. It's a strange thing to grasp.

So am I just making things more complicated for myself.
Is it really that black and white?
Haven't you ever thought to yourself that your just being silly and maybe you won't be changing for the better?

Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk

[gracefulhat]

So am I just making things more complicated for myself.
Is it really that black and white?
Haven't you ever thought to yourself that your just being silly and maybe you won't be changing for the better?

Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk

Sure! But like I wrote, the older I got the worse the dysphoria became such that my mental health was at a tipping point. I could have chosen to continue to hide and externally been ok (with those around me) but ended up sinking worse into depression, maybe even self harming thoughts, or chose to transition and my inner being becoming more and more at peace the closer I get to being me. I believe that being at peace with me is most important.