What should Women Know about being a Woman

[genopunk]

I find that living as a woman there are a lot of situations where topics come up that most cis-gendered girls were taught about growing up, that now everyone expects that I should know already.  I am wondering if other people experience this, and if there is a practical list of the things we should know as woman, about being a woman, so we don't sound dumb in conversation.

Examples I can think of,

Conversations about menstruation.
Proper care and fitting of a bra.
Social Faux's with clothing and speach

There are a whole lot more, just having a hard time thinking.

I would really love to hear your feedback on this topic.

Hugs

Mila

[Keira]

Conversation about menstruation, nod head and say nothing. Nobody's
going to fault you for that.

Proper care and fitting of bra. Have at least two good ones, rotate, don't put in dryer
unless its on low heat tumble. Wash in a bag on delicate cycle (or hand wash).

Fitting a bra, total artform; go to store and get yourself fitted by the experts.

Social faux pas with clothing. Well, so many GG's dress badly, not sure you can
use them as judge. I've followed fashion and hairstyle mags and TV fashion mags
since the early 80's, so for me
fashion is like a sixth sense, not every women are so good let me tell you.

I love "what not to wear" or in Canada "Fashion on a dime".

[nickie]

Pregnancy: we studied it is nursing school, I kept my mouth shut. The other girls who dont have kids did too. I sucked at the subject.
Sewing: I know a little.
Following when dancing: (I can't lead)
Eating slower than a guy: we have different ideas about food.
Those are just a few examples I thought of, for now. Somebody else go with it!

[Lisbeth]

A lot of it is too subtile to list, but if you keep your eyes and ears open you can pick it up like I did.  There is another part of being a woman that you can only learn by experiencing it.  It took me a year.

[Rachael]

its all in the experience, lisbeth is right. you learn things, you pick things up, some can be told, heck, mothers are apparently useful for some things... other than that, just go out there and practice, you wont get it right first off, but if you watch yourself, you wont slip too badly, and will learn from that, and from socialising. Nothing helps more than socialising with other girls your age. and thats natal girls, never learn how to be female from a ts woman, youll pick up how they do things, not how things are done, and its like error replication in dna, when it replicate, the error magnifies, who knows how far down the line the truth is, so i say learn from the horses mouth, not the second horse down the stableblock
R

[Natasha]

for starters, accept themselves as women and in the case of ts women, forget about the "transsexual" label.

[genopunk]

Pregnancy: we studied it is nursing school, I kept my mouth shut. The other girls who dont have kids did too. I sucked at the subject.
Sewing: I know a little.
Following when dancing: (I can't lead)
Eating slower than a guy: we have different ideas about food.
Those are just a few examples I thought of, for now. Somebody else go with it!

Those are great!  thanks!
(It is little things like the eating thing that I never knew before transition, that I kinda wished someone would have told me. And yes, I know there are a lot of subtle things, but just being aware of them can make transition so much smoother)

Would love to hear more thoughts.

Mila

[IsabelleStPierre]

Here are a few more...

Take off a bra through a shirt sleeve
Select the right color foundation
Choose the proper people to accompany you to the bathroom at the bar
Change purses with the seasons
Describe the difference between the colors "off white", "bone", and "cream"
Call someone to change a tire
Mix patterns on furniture and clothing
Select a trashy novel for reading at the beach
Keep kids busy in order to go to the bathroom alone
Tell the difference between real Coach purses, and, knock-offs
Prepare an elegant appetizer from random pantry supplies for unannounced company
Discuss the differences between capris and cropped pants
Filch the phone number of a good babysitter from the neighbor
Get makeup off a cell phone screen - Important!!
Make him think it's his idea - Important!
Create 3 or more plausible reasons to "stop by (insert store name)"
Make store bought bake sale goodies look home made
Surprise a child by going to Sonic for a "treat" without him knowing it's because you need a Diet Coke

Peace and love,
Isabelle St-Pierre

[Pica Pica]

Make store bought bake sale goodies look home made
[/quote

My dad does that one, he's very skilled at it.

[Rachael]

Bra through a sleve is an important skill! i agree!

Knowing how to slob down and still look glamorous
the right amount of pink decor without looking like your room belongs to a 12yearold with a Busted fettish.
Flirting without looking like a whore.
Celeb gossip... VITAL TO LIFE.
there is a time to wear a dark bra under a light top...
Sewing is major... so is carrying a few safety pins in your handbag (you never know)
The 'sad little girl' routine to get your way...
R

[Maud]

A scary number of these result in being a pathetic stereotype.

My sister and I were raised as identically as possible at home, we both learnt how to sew, we both learnt basic carpentry ect ect.


The more like a stereotypical woman you try to present as if you don't pass perfectly the more you'll stand out as a mrs doubtfire style TV.

It's ok to have a backbone, it's ok to do your own thing and it's ok to not be up to date with "celeb gossip".

[seldom]

Honestly?
Be yourself.

People like to generalize, especially transsexuals about women and what to know as if there is some general cultural similarity with all women.  There is not.  The truth is everybody is a little different and there are cultural and subcultural divides among women.  Realizing that being yourself sometimes is more important then concepts of being a woman that do not hold true to everybody is far more important then chasing after a generality.
Many people miss this point.

[Rachael]

Knowing about these things, does not make you a steriotype, consantly, and ONLY thinking about and doing these things does.
thats the point? what should you know?
Girls know thier menstrual cycle.
about pregnancy
the names for all the parts of thier anatomy that boys dont have.
Theres certain things a mother teaches a daughter, then theres obviously girls with no mother. girls raised by a father, orphans, whatever.
Celeb gossip is somewhat vital, not an anal knowlage, but an awareness, it is fun... steriotypically girly? sure, but i tell you one thing
ALL girls know about makup, and fashion to the extent that they wear it. Maybe not full stage makup, or catwalk tones. but To the extent of your personality and look, you will know, same with clothes.
You will have a style, EVERYONE growing up develops a style, it may not be rigid, but there are things you just dont do/cant do, because of your body, taste, self image. Styles can be varied, but you rarely see women shooting from one end of a style extreme to another.
most important thing? relax, youll learn things you need to, and unlike maud, there ARE things you need to know. but thier more basic than assumed.
heck, i doubt a tomboy would have extensive catwalk fashion knowlage...
or a barbie princess know about changing a tyre?
yes women CAN change a tyre, fix thier car/computer/home....
one thing you need to realise, and remember, and the most important thing you need to know. is that you are not some weak idiot. you are strong, and inteligent, and capable, and NO man, will tell you what you can and cant do. this isnt feminism, this is using your own two legs...
want to be a 1950s housewive and obey your husbands every command without question or rest? go back to the 50s
R

[seldom]

Knowing about these things, does not make you a steriotype, consantly, and ONLY thinking about and doing these things does.
thats the point? what should you know?
Girls know thier menstrual cycle.
about pregnancy
the names for all the parts of thier anatomy that boys dont have.
Theres certain things a mother teaches a daughter, then theres obviously girls with no mother. girls raised by a father, orphans, whatever.
Celeb gossip is somewhat vital, not an anal knowlage, but an awareness, it is fun... steriotypically girly? sure, but i tell you one thing
ALL girls know about makup, and fashion to the extent that they wear it. Maybe not full stage makup, or catwalk tones. but To the extent of your personality and look, you will know, same with clothes.
You will have a style, EVERYONE growing up develops a style, it may not be rigid, but there are things you just dont do/cant do, because of your body, taste, self image. Styles can be varied, but you rarely see women shooting from one end of a style extreme to another.
most important thing? relax, youll learn things you need to, and unlike maud, there ARE things you need to know. but thier more basic than assumed.
heck, i doubt a tomboy would have extensive catwalk fashion knowlage...
or a barbie princess know about changing a tyre?
yes women CAN change a tyre, fix thier car/computer/home....
one thing you need to realise, and remember, and the most important thing you need to know. is that you are not some weak idiot. you are strong, and inteligent, and capable, and NO man, will tell you what you can and cant do. this isnt feminism, this is using your own two legs...
want to be a 1950s housewive and obey your husbands every command without question or rest? go back to the 50s
R

The fact is Celeb gossip is far from a necessity.  Some women plain and simply do not see the point in it.  It is all dependent on your audience.  I see it as no different then sports with guys.  (On that matter I know women who know much more about sports then celebrities, and they are very femme.)
Yes, the physical dialog is there that is common, but it is very basic one gets used to it really quickly.
The truth is there are several women I know who can honestly care less about style or makeup. Then again I know those who do have very wide wardrobes where they could look like a butch dyke one day and completely femme the next (my roommate for example). 

Beyond the very basic physical dialog, there is  cultural and subcultural differences between women.  There is not one unifying female culture as some trans women think, while there is some basics and common dialog, knowing that there are differences is a huge step towards transition. 

[Rachael]

where the hell are you then? if you dont think there is a female culture, you really need to look at things...
I experience a general comradeship with other girls, being able to hold a conversation with your eyebrows, and expression is something guys certainly dont follow, or understand. Women understand women. and if you ever use the ladies room, you'll see that. men dont talk to eachother... yet women who have never met can have a conversation.
Female society is diverse, bitchy, friendly, indifferent, but in a world where sexism is still rife, and women are sex objects. We do band together sometimes and protect our own you might learn that.
as for the gos? yeah, its probably something that only matters to those in more popular social circles 
R >

[seldom]

As far as issues such as sexism.  You are right.  Like I said, there is a common dialog and experiences regarding certain things such as sexism but far from a common culture among all women. Honestly to suggest such is limiting the range of female expression and also the diversity of different communities. 

The truth is there is  divisions, and to suggest there is not cultural differences among women is kind of to look at things from the outside looking in.  Realizing that there are cultural and subcultural differences among women and that there is nothing wrong with just being yourself is kind of key to assimilating in reality.  Yes there is a limited set of experiences, expressions and a common dialog that all women share.  But the truth be told that to say there is this general female culture out there is to be a bit...off base and well...limiting.  It is to suggest there is a limited set of rules to be female.  The truth is the more you act like yourself, the better off you will be. 
   

More popular social circles...give me a break.

As odd as it sounds.  I agree with Mawd.  She is dead on.  We don't agree with much.

PS.  I work and live in DC.   

[Jaynatopia]

Great topic genopunk; there is so much lore we miss out on in early life that its fun just discussing what it is and filling in the gaps of our own knowledge 

We should totally make that a subject of the next podcast   

[Rachael]

well ofcourse there are subcultures, but there is most deffinately, a common bond amongst women. From my experience atleast. women are generally more open to other women. You can count on a friend to tell you the truth, or to be there for you.
and by popular circles, i meant in my age group, such subject matter is quite popular at university, and even more popular in some circles. I happen to be Union govornment, and a lot, if not most of the girls in the same organisaiton are quite into the goss... if not celebs, atleast fashion and beauty things...
and please dont suggest im seeing things from the outside. Being stealth around other girls, and being either not fully able to pass, or out, and socialising with girls there will be a difference. Women are more open to natal women sadly. and probbly censor themselves around transpeople (ive seen it happen) >< its quite sad...
R

[Maud]

As odd as it sounds.  I agree with Mawd.  She is dead on.  We don't agree with much.

Likewise....

Weird.

[tekla]

The old American joke is "Why don't men talk to each other in the bathroom?  "That's what the boardroom is for." 

But I don't think there is a group of people called 'women' who share a bond and communication with each other that the group called 'men' do not.  Class, status, occupation, education and achievement put barriers between people that gender does not always trump.  The mid-forties senior partner in a law firm does not have much in common with gang-banger home girl, and I doubt they share the ability of "being able to hold a conversation with {their} eyebrows, and expression."  I doubt they even share the same bathroom.