@Dany , things can change. I was where you are at almost 2 years ago. I was alone, and had been kicked pretty hard by people I looked up to and thought could be trusted. That put me in a very dark place. I did eventually make friends out in the real world, and connected with a few folks I knew from here and other social and support groups. Things got better. A year after I was sure I would be alone for the rest of my life, I even managed to fall in love.
None of us knows how our story will turn out, but if we close the book on it before the end, well, we will never know what could have been, and we won't have whatever experiences the future once held for us. It's a poor outcome, and there are no do-overs.
I chose not to sacrifice myself because I made others slightly uncomfortable, but to live, and grab whatever came my way. I've been constantly surprised by what happens to me now, more good than bad, and I'm not going to give up.
As many here have said, talk to someone about this. A good counselor, preferably someone with trans experience, is a fantastic resource to have in life. I have a therapist who is really good at getting me to look at my problems clearly and consider things I tend to avoid, and that has been a blessing in my life. Try it.
