Hormones are killing my sex life.

[Chloe2017]

First let me apologise if this post is on the wrong board, I have no clue where to say this.

I've been on estrogen for nearly 6 months and blockers for nearly 3 months. I'm married, and we have 2 kids which is plenty for my wife and I. I've always been more about pleasuring her in bed than myself because frankly I never enjoyed having a penis. Now that the hormones are really kicking in, or sex life is actually going backward because apparently she also wants me to climax, but I can't now.

If anybody has an idea on how I can still climax without compromising my hormone treatment, I would love to hear from you

[Chloe]

. . . sex life is actually going backward because apparently she also wants me to climax, but I can't now.

         HRT shouldn't affect your ability to climax Chloe. . . but like they say, it's "all in your head"? Would think more duration, albeit with perhaps less size and hardness, would be a good thing more for her? Curious what kind of block you take because, after years now, am still at least nominally "functional" (with "output" being totally DRY)

Is that in fact what she means? That there is no fluid or "swimmers" anymore?

[Chloe2017]

The blocker i'm on is Androcur. And well it would be that it's probably just going to take a heck of a long time to climax. My body gets too tired before I get there. I've felt like I could and then the feeling goes away, so I really just need to work on my long game. When I say that I mean these days  30 minutes foreplay and 20 minutes of sex hasn't been long enough.

[Chloe]

. . .  30 minutes foreplay and 20 minutes of sex hasn't been long enough.

        *ouch* lol that's marathon by any normal standards! Without delving into wry humor whether wifey has a "nympho" history or not try dropping the Androcur temporarily, go "E only" and see if any difference? Do know some anti-A's affect brain centers more than others ask prescribing doc, or whomever, if ya can try something different?

Personally I prefered a light-dose of Casodex, a much more recent engineered drug that is slowly gaining wider use.

[PurplePelican]

The blocker i'm on is Androcur. And well it would be that it's probably just going to take a heck of a long time to climax. My body gets too tired before I get there. I've felt like I could and then the feeling goes away, so I really just need to work on my long game. When I say that I mean these days  30 minutes foreplay and 20 minutes of sex hasn't been long enough.

Almost a guarantee that the Androcur dose is too high. It's quite common for it to be prescribed at 4x the efficacious dose and this leads to side effects and other issues, such as those you describe. Speak to your doctor about reducing it or even eliminating it, I ditched it 2 years ago in favour of an E-only regimen. I could do without the meningioma Androcur has left me..

[NatalieRene]

I never was on any blockers. I never had sex but required maintenance on my own to keep my head clear. I didm't have issues like that. I remember prep work before surgery still caused an erection involuntarily which was embarrassing but I was over a year on HRT at that point. My thoughts are if you go estrodile only you would probably regain your sex life.

[Chloe2017]

Sounds like I may not need as much or any androcur then. I'll consult my endo in 2 weeks about changing the script or dropping it.

Thank you all for your advice.

[Rachel]

Hi, I was prescribed ED medication, Cialis. This helped for a while. My T was 0. My wife no longer wanted to have sex with as my body was changing to female and she was not attracted.

There is a urethra suppository Muse that will produce an erection. It lasts about 30 minutes.

Woman have a T of 36 to 149 ng/dl. So, you may want to work with your doctor to either reduce your T suppression or supplement with T. If you supplement you can alter the amounts easily and cut it out much easier than balancing a suppression medication.

If you have not had a hard erection for a time and then you have a hard erection it may be painful.

[Chloe]

There is a urethra suppository Muse that will produce an erection.

Or, as I should perhaps also point out Chloe, hormones are only killing your sex life "with other women"  ( and if ya need to discuss divorce options then I suggest PM somebody, don't do it here in such an open, public forum! )

disclaimer: this is only a lame attempt at dark humor due to Chloe and spouse otherwise sounding very "conflicted"!

[BlueJaye]

I don't know if this will help you, but it may be helpful information for your wife to understand your sexuality.

My wife of ten years struggles to reach orgasm. I'm talking upward of two hours of foreplay to get her there. I am not exaggerating. Most of the time she just doesn't feel it's worth the effort.

When we first got married, I was like your wife, I felt like it was my duty to help my wife orgasm. I really felt like a failure when it became evident that most of the time I either couldn't get her there or she didn't even want to try.

I actually never got over that feeling of failure until I began HRT and experienced a sex life where I didn't have an overriding drive for orgasm. Unlike you, I can orgasm with some effort (maybe 10 minutes or so of continuous stimulation), but most of the time I really don't care if I do or don't.

It sounds really cliche, but this is a situation where communication and listening will probably prove important. Somehow she needs to understand that your sexual experience, reactions, and needs are changing and it's not a bad thing.

I was really fortunate in that I married a woman who hates vaginal penetration. I tried for years to avoid it and made a lot of excuses but she always thought it was a little weird that I didn't like doing the normal "guy" things in bed. She learned to enjoy my lack of enthusiasm for penetrative sex, since she hated it. After I came out and later went on HRT, when my sex drive changed, I told her I never wanted to engage in penetrative sex again. She counted it as a great relief and she is content, as am I.

We do have the new issue of me not being interested in sexual activity. It crosses my mind occasionally, but I never feel like pursuing it. My wife is trying to get me to engage in some physical intimacy, like hugging, cuddling, etc. I find it awkward, but sometimes I kind of enjoy it.

[krobinson103]

I'm a bit the opposite. Before HRT I was almost asexual, had zero drive. With t blocker implant (zoladex) and estradot patches I can SOMETIMES get the old hardware (much reduced in size and unable to climax in the male sense) working. BUT, the silver lining is that I can have many many female orgasms for as long as I like - I'm talking hours sometimes. Since my girl friend is lesbian we have no issues.

[veronicashannon88]

I've been on HRT for about five months, started taking blockers four months ago. I did have a hard time during my first week on blockers but I kinda got my mojo going after that. It's really about maintenance. So whether, it's with your SO or alone, you're never going to completely lose function. While the swimmers seem to be gone on my end, erections are easy and orgasms are almost effortless, and a lot more potent.

Based on to other girls I've talked to, it really depends on your relationship with your genitals, sex, and if you're interested in bottom/gender confirmation surgery. If you're not comfortable, it may be difficult or you may find that the random erections turn you off.

[SadieBlake]

Most of my adult life i took more than an hour to finish, before I began hrt I decided I'd like the option of a quickie and taught myself how to get there in under 15 minutes, eventually I could in under 5 however that was never a preference and at the same time I was learning how to extend orgasm to many minutes.

On HRT I really lost interest in sex for 6 months and attribute adding progesterone to bringing back my libido. I also moved towards an even longer winded sexuality, preferring a couple hours at a time. Since being post-op I don't orgasm yet (I miss it however sex is so much better now!) and I lean to sex less often and much longer, I like to go 3-5 hours when I have the time.

I was with a lovely lesbian a couple of weeks ago and was quite taken with how hard she worked for her orgasms. We'd been at it for nearly an hour before her first and each of her 3 times she was taking care of her clitoris as I worked on her body. She seemed to need 5-10 minutes to get to each new one. My style pre-op was very different, while I needed a long time to get there, once my body was ready to orgasm, multiples could just flow, going on for upwards of 30 minutes. All my indications are it will be like that when I get to orgasm post-op.

[PurplePelican]

It's quite possible to orgasm while on HRT, but you may find it's a little different to what you are used to - it's presentation changes. What was a short, genital-focused orgasm has become a longer, more full-body deal. As I mentioned previously, it's almost certainly a cypro dose issue.

I've been on HRT for about five months, started taking blockers four months ago. I did have a hard time during my first week on blockers but I kinda got my mojo going after that. It's really about maintenance. So whether, it's with your SO or alone, you're never going to completely lose function. While the swimmers seem to be gone on my end, erections are easy and orgasms are almost effortless, and a lot more potent.

Based on to other girls I've talked to, it really depends on your relationship with your genitals, sex, and if you're interested in bottom/gender confirmation surgery. If you're not comfortable, it may be difficult or you may find that the random erections turn you off.

Got a link for that? I've got a bunch of links about cypro that give quite a different position to what you've said. Cyproterone was designed as a libido-killer and is quite effective at it - it's also prescribed to trans women at far higher doses than are required. 

[Linde]

It's really about maintenance. So whether, it's with your SO or alone, you're never going to completely lose function. While the swimmers seem to be gone on my end, erections are easy and orgasms are almost effortless, and a lot more potent.

I am sorry that I have to blow your bubble!  After a while you will loose function.  I think (if I can remember right), I had my last semi erection about 10 years ago, and not that long after, the semi went away, to!  I am pretty lucky that my libido went away, too.
I still have sensations in my gland, but I can't get the little bugger erected enough to even be able to mastrubate.  Atrophy is another reason that not much is ging on anymore!  But, as I said, a non existing libido makes it a non issue!

[veronicashannon88]

It's quite possible to orgasm while on HRT, but you may find it's a little different to what you are used to - it's presentation changes. What was a short, genital-focused orgasm has become a longer, more full-body deal. As I mentioned previously, it's almost certainly a cypro dose issue.

Got a link for that? I've got a bunch of links about cypro that give quite a different position to what you've said. Cyproterone was designed as a libido-killer and is quite effective at it - it's also prescribed to trans women at far higher doses than are required.

This is all based on personal experience, from people that I've spoken to over the course of the last year or so.

I am sorry that I have to blow your bubble!  After a while you will loose function.  I think (if I can remember right), I had my last semi erection about 10 years ago, and not that long after, the semi went away, to!  I am pretty lucky that my libido went away, too.
I still have sensations in my gland, but I can't get the little bugger erected enough to even be able to mastrubate.  Atrophy is another reason that not much is ging on anymore!  But, as I said, a non existing libido makes it a non issue!

I hope I can avoid this if I just keep "using" the muscle, though I am aware this could change if I get a higher dosage of Spiro. I'm on Aldactone, not sure if that's available over in the US. That was what was prescribed to me by my endo. I had a hard time getting hard and keeping it during my first week on it, so I really make it an effort now not to lose sense of that area since I am used to having a pretty hyper libido, and I'm not affected by bottom dysphoria. So fingers crossed!

[JanePlain]

I think its likely that abnormally low female levels of testosterone will zero out your sex drive.  I would ask your doctor to just keep it in range.  I've read a variety of articles saying estrogen only therapy works well and will suppress your testosterone production and atrophy your testes.  So it may take a while but then you don't have to deal with side effects of blockers.  My experience is that reaching climax does take longer.  The results are quite different with orgasm lasting much longer and instead of being all sourced in the crotch its a body wide thing.

[Sylvia]

My partner is on E patches only, no T-blockers (6 months now). Can still get erections, but it takes time, and it's also quite painful now. Last couple of times hasn't orgasmed, but said he didn't mind as the whole sensation for him is better than ever. I feel bad that I can't bring him to climax. And that it hurts him. We didn't want that to happen

[Faith]

My partner is on E patches only, no T-blockers (6 months now). Can still get erections, but it takes time, and it's also quite painful now. Last couple of times hasn't orgasmed, but said he didn't mind as the whole sensation for him is better than ever. I feel bad that I can't bring him to climax. And that it hurts him. We didn't want that to happen

If he's feeling what I did .. he's just missing the ejaculate (not a loss in my mind) The rest, trust me, it's worth the wait.
The hurting, yeah, I haven't figured a way around that one except non-penetrative (and abstinence .. which is not a solution for some  ).

[SadieBlake]

I hope I can avoid this if I just keep "using" the muscle,
....
I really make it an effort now not to lose sense of that area since I am used to having a pretty hyper libido, and I'm not affected by bottom dysphoria. So fingers crossed!

My partner is on E patches only, no T-blockers (6 months now). Can still get erections, but it takes time, and it's also quite painful now. Last couple of times hasn't orgasmed, but said he didn't mind as the whole sensation for him is better than ever. I feel bad that I can't bring him to climax. And that it hurts him. We didn't want that to happen

Veronica, Sylvia,

For sure we're all different, every woman's (and guy's) story is so different, at least we have some common themes :-). I was also hyper-sexual before everything and remain biased that way on HRT and post-op. I started using viagra before HRT because I wanted to be able to stay erect for the longer-winded sex I've always enjoyed and age was beginning to cut into that. It was even more helpful after HRT of course and while I was always conflicted about penis / erection, it did work.

Sylvia, I hope you guys find your way out of that. Most of the accounts I've seen of erectile pain have been with trans women who've had far less frequent erection resulting in skin shrinkage, in turn resulting in pain wen the erection did happen. I suppose as estrogen also makes our skin softer and thinner that could be a thing also ... I'm curious about what goes on with your guy there.

I'm so much more emotional now than before ... well lets say my emotions are less likely to be channeled into anger / frustration and for sure if I'm not feeling great emotionally, getting my libido jump-started just doesn't happen the way it used to.

Anyway, best luck to both of you (and the OP). I'm in a pretty good place compared to where I was spiraling into depression 5-6 years ago. Transition doesn't make life easy, it does for me make a lot of stuff happy that used to be continually sad.