And Another One Bites the Dust

[Beverly Anne]

Hi Laura,

Dating was a frustrating area for me as well. My situation is different in that I'm a full-time, out, trans woman who is attracted to both sexes. I've dated men and women since transition. I've learned to enjoy being by myself and the freedom that goes with it. I have single girl friends I hang out with and have an active social life, and dating for romantic reasons is no longer a source of frustration for me. I want to eventually find a partner, but I've decided to wait until after GCS surgery to put myself out there again. I enjoy a full life as a single person. I think deciding what you want more will help you achieve clarity. Being caught in the margins between who you are and what others want you to be will only lead to more frustrating relationships. I hope you figure out what you want and find your true love,

Best wishes!

Beverly

[LauraE]

I think deciding what you want more will help you achieve clarity. Being caught in the margins between who you are and what others want you to be will only lead to more frustrating relationships. I hope you figure out what you want and find your true love,

Beverly,

I do appreciate advice from someone who has walked the path I'm currently on...You're right about being caught in the margins. I've certainly placed myself there because of fear and doubts. That I'm pressing on and have restarted HRT, after being off for two months, is a positive step forward.

But then, I never stopped buying clothes and shoes. LOL.

Laura

[Linde]

@Dietlind

Thank you Dietlind. I would never have guessed that you're older than me...I'd always assumed, when I read your other posts, that you were in your early 50s... I do appreciate your advice though....Thank you.

Laura

Well Laura, it appears that certain intersex conditions make one age slower.  But again, the real age is in ones head, you are as old or young as you feel.  One of my friends is a 89 year old cis women, who enjoys driving her Mini Cooper S like a living bat out of hell!  She gets in  and out of this little, low sitting car, as if it is a normal thing for her!

I try to stay young with getting involved in all kinds of stuff, and I hope this will keep me going for many years to come. 
And yes, I am many years older than you, compared to me, you are a spring chicken!
Get that life of yours rocking and have lots of fun with it!
Hugs
Linde

[LauraE]

Get that life of yours rocking and have lots of fun with it!
\

Linde,

Thank you for your advice and your words of encouragement.

Laura

[SadieBlake]

Laura,

As I approach 2 years post-op this spring, I'm still negotiating this in my relationship as well as building my lesbian community, which has been my first priority since I took the step to medical transition.

Unfortunately, fundamentally straight women as well as lesbians who carry a mental or emotional block about gender seem unlikely to change that easily. Before I started dating my current partner of 20 years I had already decided that I would never present as full email and always wore feminine styled under things so that if we ever became intimate they would have to know right from the get-go that that's who I was.

And yet my partner had a pretty big push back early in our relationship when I said I had to consider transition and then when I needed to transition and told her as much about three years ago I got a strong push back and our romantic relationship really has not recovered since my surgery. fortunately she and I are poly and so I get to see other women and that's not especially easy either in two years I've had exactly three dates with women only two of which have resulted in anything like a relationship.

I think my best suggestion for you at this point is that if I were in your shoes with your now ex-girlfriend I would have insisted on HRT non-clothing I know for me my emotional state has had a much much bigger effect on my life then how I dressed ... Ymmv of course :-). AndI continue to dress pretty well Butch until I was post-op the entire year plus that I was on HRT I just dressed as a guy I told everyone that I was transitioning and I moved my parents in that general direction however I never felt comfortable wearing a dress while I still had my <shenis>. Again ymmv

❤️❤️

[Asakawa]

To be honest you need to find someone dressed as Laura not as male then switch things because they fall for the person they first meet not the second. I think finding love and acceptance in others will be extremely difficult you need to find acceptance and love in yourself enough to go outside and live life as Laura. if you keep meeting new women as say Robert they will fall for him and they will associate you with him. You really need to step out as Laura and start as Laura. People are individuals and they will always do what they want and change in a way they want why can't you? You might find someone accepting toward Robert but not Laura because they are letting Robert into their lives Laura is a stranger and their rejection is clear that they do want Laura. That is why you need to meet as Laura and that means fully dressed from the start.

I think that if you base your love and support from others mainly it will not hold. People are like water ever flowing and changing. Instead of changing others you need to change your self.

[LauraE]

think my best suggestion for you at this point is that if I were in your shoes with your now ex-girlfriend I would have insisted on HRT non-clothing I know for me my emotional state has had a much much bigger effect on my life then how I dressed ... Ymmv of course :-). AndI continue to dress pretty well Butch until I was post-op the entire year plus that I was on HRT I just dressed as a guy I told everyone that I was transitioning and I moved my parents in that general direction however I never felt comfortable wearing a dress while I still had my <shenis>. Again ymmv

❤️❤️

Sadie,

Navigating relationships, particularly when your mate loves you as a male, is difficult and prone to failure. While I'd spent much time trying to negotiate just the terms you described, even HRT was too much for her to bear. If I had one priority at the moment, it's HRT, but while I could negotiate not dressing as Laura in the near term, I'd never be able to promise to not dress in the future.

It's all moot though. She knows and loves me as my male self, not as Laura. I'm happily back on HRT now.

Laura

[LauraE]

To be honest you need to find someone dressed as Laura not as male then switch things because they fall for the person they first meet not the second. I think finding love and acceptance in others will be extremely difficult you need to find acceptance and love in yourself enough to go outside and live life as Laura. if you keep meeting new women as say Robert they will fall for him and they will associate you with him. You really need to step out as Laura and start as Laura. People are individuals and they will always do what they want and change in a way they want why can't you? You might find someone accepting toward Robert but not Laura because they are letting Robert into their lives Laura is a stranger and their rejection is clear that they do want Laura. That is why you need to meet as Laura and that means fully dressed from the start.

I think that if you base your love and support from others mainly it will not hold. People are like water ever flowing and changing. Instead of changing others you need to change your self.

Asakawa,

I appreciate your view and advice. You're right about how a partner's perception at the beginning is the one the relationship is based on. She sees the Male me, and while I outed myself to her after the second date, I'm afraid she wasn't open enough to love the woman in me.

We've continued to talk after the breakup, and we do still love and care for each other. That's the difficult part, knowing someone loves you but is unwilling to love, or even recognize the woman in me. We've met twice in the past week, and while I'd classify our current relationship as FWB, I don't think that's sustainable. She knows I will not bend about being male 24/7, and I know she's unwilling to accept Laura.

As we were in bed this morning, she even referenced how I was male 24/7 during my marriages and that some type of conversion therapy could fix me.   I chose not to share how those therapies are illegal in California and that I'm born this way. Being trans isn't a choice for me, which is why Laura kept popping out.

Yes, I'd love to go out as Laura, and perhaps as my body image conforms to my vision of who Laura is, I'll venture out...I'm not that confident. I'm just too afraid of being stared at or ridiculed. I will make an attempt to attend a few trans support meetings though. if I were able to make a few trans friends, then maybe I'd be more comfortable being Laura outside if I had a partner in crime.

Thank you again.

Laura

[LauraE]

Update:

In the two weeks since our breakup, my girlfriend and I have kept talking and FaceTiming several times a day. We missed each other's company and still loved each other very much. She also continued to spend several nights a week at my house, where affection and intimacy flowed freely. Last week, she even brought me a necklace, which at the time, seemed like a positive sign....

I had continued to dress as a boy around her, but dressed as Laura, sans wig and make-up, when we were video conferencing. However, she's fairly dug in that she can only accept me as a partner if I surrender Laura and live as a man full-time. I had so hoped that I could continue hormones and I was certainly willing to compromise when it came to dressing around her. However, I can not destroy and abandon Laura. I can be happy living as Laura part time, but I've lived too long denying my need....It's not that I hate being a man. I just love and need being Laura more.

My girlfriend has one foot out the door and her demands are clear. If I continue to be Laura, then I'm the one who is quitting the relationship. That she puts all the pressure on me is interesting, given that she knew about Laura from the beginning. However, once I reinforced my need to be Laura and I restarted hormones, she told me that she can never accept me as a woman, even if it was part time.

And so it goes.

Laura

[LauraE]

After spending Valentine's Day through Saturday morning together, and hearing her continued pressure to abandon Laura if I wanted to continue the relationship, I told her that I felt she had essentially put a gun to my head with her demand. While we had continued to express our love for each other, I knew she would never compromise. Laura is part of me and after trying to bury her for so long, I'm unwilling to go back in the closet. Our relationship is now officially over.

On the positive side, I've been on estrogen patches for three weeks now, and my breast buds have again filled up and are slowly expanding. I restarted Sprio today as well. Onward towards the adventure.

Laura

[Linde]

After spending Valentine's Day through Saturday morning together, and hearing her continued pressure to abandon Laura if I wanted to continue the relationship, I told her that I felt she had essentially put a gun to my head with her demand. While we had continued to express our love for each other, I knew she would never compromise. Laura is part of me and after trying to bury her for so long, I'm unwilling to go back in the closet. Our relationship is now officially over.

On the positive side, I've been on estrogen patches for three weeks now, and my breast buds have again filled up and are slowly expanding. I restarted Sprio today as well. Onward towards the adventure.

Laura

I wish you good luck on your path!

Who knows, she might decide to comeback?

[LauraE]

Thank you Dietland. I'm afraid compromise is not a concept she believes in. Emotionally I'm ok. I'd rather she was in my life, but she never did believe that Laura was an important part of me, one I needed to express. Laura can not be denied any longer.

[Linde]

Thank you Dietland. I'm afraid compromise is not a concept she believes in. Emotionally I'm ok. I'd rather she was in my life, but she never did believe that Laura was an important part of me, one I needed to express. Laura can not be denied any longer.

I understand your feeling, this trans stuff destroyed my marriage, but I still became a woman!  I wish it would have worked out, but all the wishing cannot cover up the reality!

Good luck and lots of hugs!
Linde

[LauraE]

Many thanks Dietlind. Unfortunately, this was the second relationship destroyed by my transition. I think I've learned my lesson. LOL. I'm going to focus on me now.

[Linde]

Many thanks Dietlind. Unfortunately, this was the second relationship destroyed by my transition. I think I've learned my lesson. LOL. I'm going to focus on me now.

That seems to b the best for the moment!  I did it, and I feel pretty well as a woman.  Now that I am almost done with that, I would not mind to find a partner again!

I am getting slowly a little scared about my orichi in a few days, after that, the dor for a return is mostly closed!