Hi, I've never done anything like this and I'm not sure where to begin, but I suppose the beginning is a good place.
Like so many others I've read about here, it was around 5 or 6 and just starting school where I started feeling that I was different. All my friends untill then were girls and now I was being separated, making me anxious and lonley. I seemed to have nothing in common with the other boys, which continues to this day. I was always very shy and had low self esteem, I stayed in my room mostly, trying to hide away from a world that seemed hostile, unable to truly be myself.
After around third grade, I became attracted to girls, always unable to talk to them out of extreme shyness.
In my teens I started looking on the internet and discovered pornography, without going into detail, the only sort I enjoyed was with females in the dominant role. Looking on it now I can see how my submissive side, which I was always feeling guilty and shamed about, was actually the female inside trying to come through. After a few short lived relationships I finally found my soul mate In my mid 30,s and we were married and had our first son. After my wife went back to work I decided to quit my job and be a stay at home dad for a while, I really enjoyed being able to start living using my natural maternal side. I've always been a caring, sensitive and emotional person, so for a brief time I could just be me. It was around that time I started questioning myself, I knew inside I was female, but I my attraction to females was confusing me, I knew I wasn't gay, but somehow (and wrongly) assumed all trans people were. So I "googled" lesbian in a male body, and found that I wasn't alone. That was four years ago and I'm still trying to work myself out, but before that moment my life was just one big confusing mess, now everything in my past seems to make sense. I am terrified, I do wish I could wake up and find it's all been a dream, but at least I can say that I am transgender and I am proud of it.
Thanks for reading,
Jessica xx
