Sarah B's Story

[Dances With Trees]

Love your story, Sarah B. And you told it so lyrically, with grace and honesty. Like you, I've always loved long hair. Of course, now that I don't have any, I love it even more.   

[Sephirah]

I think you kinda either like fringes (bangs for you US folks) or not. I am one of those people who falls in the "not" camp. Although I think they look amazing on other people, like you, Sarah. I just never had the patience for it. It just works for some people, but not others.

[Sarah B]

Hi Everyone

I first sensed something was different when I was a child rummaging through a pile of clothes during a class activity.  I was deliberately searching for something feminine to wear driven by an urge, I did not know about it at the time nor could I explain it, I just looked.  That memory stayed with me and later I understood this incident proves that I had always been female even though at the time I did not think I was female or even realise it.

Thirty six years ago I changed my life around without hesitation.  I had surgery and stepped into life as a woman.  When I was fifty one I finally discovered that I had always been female even though I had never searched or bothered about finding any reason why I was living my life as a female.

People often picture gender as a single track from male to female.  Others break the idea into countless non binary positions that drift between or outside those poles.  I understand the spectrum and I accept that nature produces many variations.  Still the simplest explanation holds when I apply Occam's razor: I am female.  No further label clarifies anything for me.  Anchoring myself there frees me to display logic, gentleness and resilience without apologising for any so called masculinity or femininity that I may have.

Society remains structured around two boxes so declaring one makes daily life smoother.  That choice does not erase the reality that biology sometimes misaligns bodies and identities.  Nature made a mistake with mine so I corrected it and the subject is closed.  Remembering what was once there makes me feel nauseous.  So this gives me yet another reason to know I'm female.

I thrive in STEM fields where analytical thinking is prized.  At the same time I have always wanted children and the metaphorical white picket fence.  When I changed my life around I thought about having children and that dream was medically impossible at the time yet the desire has never left me.

While I watch others wrestle with words like non binary or different trans descriptors as they search for comfort in language, culture, science, support networks or faith, I respect each and every journey yet feel no need to borrow those answers for myself.

I have no regrets, only relief and gratitude.  Each and every day, I live the plain truth that my younger self once touched upon in that classroom with a pile of clothes in front of me.  I am a woman, simple and complete.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator

[Lori Dee]

I agree with your perspective. Although I see myself as being on the spectrum between two points, most of society does not understand that. When forced to pick a box, I will pick female because that is the closest to the most accurate description. Similarly, in conversations where trying to keep the conversation casual, the simplest answer is often female. For most people, the concept of gender is too complex for them to understand, or even want to try. 

[Lilis]

People often picture gender as a single track from male to female.  Others break the idea into countless non binary positions that drift between or outside those poles.  I understand the spectrum and I accept that nature produces many variations.  Still the simplest explanation holds when I apply Occam's razor: I am female.  No further label clarifies anything for me.  Anchoring myself there frees me to display logic, gentleness and resilience without apologising for any so called masculinity or femininity that I may have.

For most people, the concept of gender is too complex for them to understand, or even want to try.

Sarah and Lori thank you so much for this post. 💕

I'm grounded in my own gender identity, I know who I am.

But I recognize that not everyone on the forums is at that place yet.

I think Sarah's post, while very binary and direct, opens a door for members who are still exploring.

It offers a clear example of what a binary identity looks and feels like when it's fully embodied.

For those who are questioning or unsure, it's a powerful reference point to better understand that path, not as a prescription, but as a possibility.

And for others who may feel overwhelmed by labels, theories, or internal conflict, her story might be a lighthouse, something to help them navigate their own journey, whether they land in the same place or find their own different truth.

And let's not forget that gender remains complex even for scientists and medical professionals. Many openly admit that they don't fully understand it, because gender isn't just biology, or psychology, or culture. It's all of that and more, often deeply personal too.


~ Lilis 💓