September 20, 2020
One Year
Next week, I'll celebrate one year on HRT, which seems amazing to me given that fear had me starting and stopping HRT repeatedly the prior three years. That I've been able to stay on this path and make steady progress forward is a testament to the support I've felt from my friends and the Susan's community. I must say that I feel incredibly lucky and, as they say, when luck knocks at your door, let it in.
It's been a momentous year and while I'm not totally thrilled with my breast development, I have much for which to be thankful. I've come out to eight people so far, the first being during the summer of 2019. Her support and encouragement was one reason I restarted this journey last October. A separate, One-Year on HRT story will be posted next week. This summer, I came out to three more tennis friends, all whom I play doubles on Friday mornings, and two neighbors. (I figured that if Laura was going to start making appearances outside, my neighbors, most whom have children, should know.
Everyone I've told has been incredibly kind and accepting. Several told me they had trans relatives.
Laura has mostly been an indoor creature though, but being so accepted and loved by my friends helped nudge me outside, twice this week. On Wednesday, my good friend, who was the first to learn about Laura, had her 41st birthday and while I had plans to fly her to Half Moon Bay for lunch, the weather and smoke from CA's fires forced a cancellation. Instead, we drove to a nearby town, went shopping, and had lunch together, my first time as Laura in a restaurant. We had a ball, although I did notice that several people "clocked" me. It was easy to spot, but their direct looks were of short duration and weren't repeated again during lunch. That people can be respectful helps maintain and grow my confidence about being out as Laura. My friend reminded me that the more confident I am of myself as Laura, the less people will be able to eight clock me or upset me if they do.
Today, Friday, the remainder of my close tennis friends met Laura for the first time, as we played doubles. Their love and support, as they got used to calling me Laura, made me feel SO comfortable and at ease. Two courts away was another couple who normally play singles every Friday. During our doubles match, I kept noticing stares from the woman's husband; While it was obvious that he had he clocked me, it and it didn't keep me from enjoying being Laura, it still affected me. When I told my friends about the stares, they reminded me that self-confidence will allow me to stop caring about stares. BTW, in trying on Laura's tennis clothes yesterday, I noticed that she has more tennis outfits thank <deadname>. Not just that, I also realize that I wanted MORE outfits. LOL
From here forward, Laura will play with our regular tennis group on Fridays, while <deadname> will play other days. Our Friday group doesn't play at our tennis club, making this an easy opportunity to not be outed by other members. Being out and about as Laura is an important part of my transition and while it took a long time to reach this point, I'm feeling the desire to go out more.... From other postings on Susan's, I know this is fairly normal. Would I love to be FT some day? Certainly, but I'll continue moving at my pace while HRT keeps working its magic and swelling from my FFS continues to go down.
FFS was another milestone during the past year and all my hopes and progress are noted on my FFS thread.
We all stand on the shoulders of giants; Those MTF who have come before us, our community at Susan's, and the people who we surround ourselves with. I wouldn't be at this point in my transition without them. My thousand mile transition journey began four years ago and until a year ago, I had only taken a few steps. Now, I feel as if I'm miles down the road. Yes, I have many miles to go, but having moved this far forward makes it easier to continue to the journey.
Onward.
Laura