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MsLeigh's Story

Started by MsLeigh, October 24, 2024, 09:29:18 AM

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Maid Marion

Hi Leigh,

  I'd suggest learning about skin tone and undertone as this will help you select clothing colors that look good on you.  Sometimes your favorite colors make poor clothing choices.

Marion

MsLeigh

Quote from: Sephirah on January 17, 2025, 03:57:31 PMReading through your posts, Leigh, I can't help but feel like the issues you have with your parents are separate from your gender issues.

Yes. Things go real deep with those issues. I think the common ground is how I allowed myself to be held in their grasp so I was never myself. Now realizing my gender is another hurdle.

As I say, I am not a therapist but I can read people pretty well. I don't think the issue with your dad was about you. Or if it was, then only slightly. I think it was more about him, and how he saw the world. He projected his world view onto you. And, unfortunately, you weren't the kind of person to be receptive to how he saw the world.

Very true. Therapy has show me how egotistical and immature he is. To this day he has not "listened" to our conversations. He says things like "I never earned wages that would equal others taxes." I retired from the 2nd largest chemical co with my last title of senior project engineer. I do not have an engineering degree, they used it to honor me and get my pay up to what they thought I was worth. My dad has said he is not proud of me and does not even know this about me even though it has been part of 100s of conversations.  That said, he does not know hardly anything about me or what i accomplished in life. He does not even admit my daughter is his only granddaughter because she is lesbian.

An unfortunate truth is that the worldview of proceeding generations change drastically because the world changes drastically. I would venture your dad was trying to raise you how he was raised. And didn't know any better. I don't think he set out deliberately to hurt or punish you. He just didn't understand you. I would suggest he drew on his own upbringing because it was all he knew.

That doesn't make it right. It doesn't make it hurt any less. It just makes you put in a place you didn't want to be put in. I am not the parenting type. I would be the world's worst mother. I don't have the patience. But I did have to work through a lot of stuff, like you, with regard to my own upbringing. And sometimes we lose sight of the fact that our parents are just people trying to play a game with no rulebook. What we think is harsh or callous, turns out to not be the case. But you don't know this until much later on in life, when you can have an adult conversation and they don't treat you as a child anymore.

Can I ask, have you ever talked to your parents about this? Knowing what you know now? Do you have the chance?

My mother passed years ago but regardless, I would never have had a productive conversation with either of them. About my feelings or about gender. Within the last couple years they no longer refer to me as one of their children.  I think they came from a time that people had kids as labor providers on the farm or family business.  When I left home at 17 it could have hurt them financially and mentally.

One thing I need to say to you, though. You are valuable. You matter. The light of someone's soul doesn't just "take up space". You just have a lot of issues to work through, sweetie. And you're getting there. I believe in you, okay?

I do so much appreciate your words. I am struggling still at home. My wife is yelling and cussing at me. She wants a divorce and she said she will make it hell.  She said she will dig up enough dirt to wreck my friends and family and I will be disgraced in the community.  I have not come out to anyone other than her, one of her friends, and my sister. She said she will use that to humiliate me with everyone as well. For the first time in my life I feel too weak to fight. I will use the strength I have left to a good end.

As I have stated. My wealth is not the money in my hand but the number of people I hold in my hands. I have 180 people in my phone contacts. Taking that wealth from me is the most damaging thing she could do. I love people. My friends make up the world.  I remember a poem from school. "No Man Is and Island" by John Donne. It is worth the read and one of my life's principles.    

Love you, Leigh. <3

I love you and send warm hugs to your heart,

Leigh

Thank you again

MsLeigh

Quote from: Sephirah on January 17, 2025, 03:57:31 PMI believe in you, okay?

Love you, Leigh. <3

Thanks again. You have been a great friend and sister...

Love and hugs,
Leigh

Sephirah

QuoteI do so much appreciate your words. I am struggling still at home. My wife is yelling and cussing at me. She wants a divorce and she said she will make it hell.  She said she will dig up enough dirt to wreck my friends and family and I will be disgraced in the community.  I have not come out to anyone other than her, one of her friends, and my sister. She said she will use that to humiliate me with everyone as well. For the first time in my life I feel too weak to fight. I will use the strength I have left to a good end.

Your wife strikes me as the manipulative, gaslighting type, Leigh. And... call it a hunch, but I am not sure she would actually do any of that. My gut tells me she is saying that to try and bully or scare you into submission. And... were you to call her bluff, she would have nowhere to go. Some people can be like that. When they can't get respect, they go for fear.

Have you asked her why she would do all this? Why just an amicable separation wouldn't be enough for her? What it is that makes her so hateful?

Hang in there, honey. You can get through this. You have done nothing wrong. I give you what strength I have. <3
Natura nihil frustra facit.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." ~ Buddha.

If you're dealing with self esteem issues, maybe click here. There may be something you find useful. :)
Above all... remember: you are beautiful, you are valuable, and you have a shining spark of magnificence within you. Don't let anyone take that from you. Embrace who you are. <3
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