Hi Leigh,

  I'd suggest learning about skin tone and undertone as this will help you select clothing colors that look good on you.  Sometimes your favorite colors make poor clothing choices.

Marion

Quote from: Sephirah on January 17, 2025, 03:57:31 PMReading through your posts, Leigh, I can't help but feel like the issues you have with your parents are separate from your gender issues.

Yes. Things go real deep with those issues. I think the common ground is how I allowed myself to be held in their grasp so I was never myself. Now realizing my gender is another hurdle.

As I say, I am not a therapist but I can read people pretty well. I don't think the issue with your dad was about you. Or if it was, then only slightly. I think it was more about him, and how he saw the world. He projected his world view onto you. And, unfortunately, you weren't the kind of person to be receptive to how he saw the world.

Very true. Therapy has show me how egotistical and immature he is. To this day he has not "listened" to our conversations. He says things like "I never earned wages that would equal others taxes." I retired from the 2nd largest chemical co with my last title of senior project engineer. I do not have an engineering degree, they used it to honor me and get my pay up to what they thought I was worth. My dad has said he is not proud of me and does not even know this about me even though it has been part of 100s of conversations.  That said, he does not know hardly anything about me or what i accomplished in life. He does not even admit my daughter is his only granddaughter because she is lesbian.

An unfortunate truth is that the worldview of proceeding generations change drastically because the world changes drastically. I would venture your dad was trying to raise you how he was raised. And didn't know any better. I don't think he set out deliberately to hurt or punish you. He just didn't understand you. I would suggest he drew on his own upbringing because it was all he knew.

That doesn't make it right. It doesn't make it hurt any less. It just makes you put in a place you didn't want to be put in. I am not the parenting type. I would be the world's worst mother. I don't have the patience. But I did have to work through a lot of stuff, like you, with regard to my own upbringing. And sometimes we lose sight of the fact that our parents are just people trying to play a game with no rulebook. What we think is harsh or callous, turns out to not be the case. But you don't know this until much later on in life, when you can have an adult conversation and they don't treat you as a child anymore.

Can I ask, have you ever talked to your parents about this? Knowing what you know now? Do you have the chance?

My mother passed years ago but regardless, I would never have had a productive conversation with either of them. About my feelings or about gender. Within the last couple years they no longer refer to me as one of their children.  I think they came from a time that people had kids as labor providers on the farm or family business.  When I left home at 17 it could have hurt them financially and mentally.

One thing I need to say to you, though. You are valuable. You matter. The light of someone's soul doesn't just "take up space". You just have a lot of issues to work through, sweetie. And you're getting there. I believe in you, okay?

I do so much appreciate your words. I am struggling still at home. My wife is yelling and cussing at me. She wants a divorce and she said she will make it hell.  She said she will dig up enough dirt to wreck my friends and family and I will be disgraced in the community.  I have not come out to anyone other than her, one of her friends, and my sister. She said she will use that to humiliate me with everyone as well. For the first time in my life I feel too weak to fight. I will use the strength I have left to a good end.

As I have stated. My wealth is not the money in my hand but the number of people I hold in my hands. I have 180 people in my phone contacts. Taking that wealth from me is the most damaging thing she could do. I love people. My friends make up the world.  I remember a poem from school. "No Man Is and Island" by John Donne. It is worth the read and one of my life's principles.    

Love you, Leigh. <3

I love you and send warm hugs to your heart,

Leigh

Thank you again

Quote from: Sephirah on January 17, 2025, 03:57:31 PMI believe in you, okay?

Love you, Leigh. <3

Thanks again. You have been a great friend and sister...

Love and hugs,
Leigh

QuoteI do so much appreciate your words. I am struggling still at home. My wife is yelling and cussing at me. She wants a divorce and she said she will make it hell.  She said she will dig up enough dirt to wreck my friends and family and I will be disgraced in the community.  I have not come out to anyone other than her, one of her friends, and my sister. She said she will use that to humiliate me with everyone as well. For the first time in my life I feel too weak to fight. I will use the strength I have left to a good end.

Your wife strikes me as the manipulative, gaslighting type, Leigh. And... call it a hunch, but I am not sure she would actually do any of that. My gut tells me she is saying that to try and bully or scare you into submission. And... were you to call her bluff, she would have nowhere to go. Some people can be like that. When they can't get respect, they go for fear.

Have you asked her why she would do all this? Why just an amicable separation wouldn't be enough for her? What it is that makes her so hateful?

Hang in there, honey. You can get through this. You have done nothing wrong. I give you what strength I have. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on January 29, 2025, 02:59:03 PMHang in there, honey. You can get through this. You have done nothing wrong. I give you what strength I have. <3

Just wanted to say Hi. I am alive but the mass between my ears is still a struggle. Hope you are well.

Love,
Leigh

Quote from: MsLeigh on June 22, 2025, 06:24:54 PMHope you are well.

We've just met, MsLeigh. So, 'Hi' yourself. I will leave it to others more qualified than myself to address the mass between your ears. I know they will do it with the love and empathy with which they're helping me untangle my own neuronal mess. Senior Project Engineer without an engineering degree? I don't know you, but I already know you're amazing.

Hi, Leigh. Thank you for checking in. I think most of us here are in some way or another working on getting ourselves together, so don't feel like you're an anomaly in that regard. Being human is always a work in progress.

What kind words. With my situation it is difficult to get on line, so when I do, I suck up all the advice, news, thoughts, insight, love, and even the criticism that keeps me grounded. Constructive criticism has contributed building blocks for who I am. The kind words are like a great cupcake with extra frosting. Such a nice thing to feel accepted. Thank you!
Love,
Leigh

I worked nearly 100 jobs throughout my life and there is not much I don't understand about the world and all the components and how they operate... not to brag but rather to make this point,,, I feel HELPLESS and VULNERABLE. I don't understand people and brains. I still portray as a male only for my wife. Sometimes I want to pamper myself and clean the grease out of my fingernails and calluses. A good scrub with scented soaps, a dab of perfume (Amazing Grace is my favorite), and curl up to watch a movie in too short satin bottoms and a satin cami. This is not acceptable by my wife (Z) and definitely not by friends and family. Maybe some of you can relate? 

Z was gone for a couple days and I had some time away from responsibilities to put on a light tank top and short jean shorts to hang around the yard for an evening in bare feet. I can't describe how empowering, relaxed, and refreshed I felt!!!!!!!!  I weeded in the garden, watered, picked up branches from previous days wind, and enjoyed a blue moon over orange juice on the patio!!... Male clothes just don't have the comfort any more and they are hot on these summer days. I just wish people would not judge and report to Z. I make some progress with her and our relationship and then people nose in and destroy what we have built.

I guess I know a bit about people but I don't understand how their minds put together that I am "BAD" and they are "GOOD"?? Maybe the question is why do I put so much stake in others thoughts?...hummm.
Love,
Leigh

Male clothes fit me awkwardly as my waist is too high but I can easily find female clothes that fit me perfectly!  I'd always need a belt to keep my pants from falling down but female clothes have tie cords that work much better!

It is hot and humid,83 and 63% at the computer but I'm comfortable wearing a sleeveless orange crop top and beige golf shorts.  I don't mind showing off my obscenely thin waist with a crop top. 

You'll get there, Leigh. From what you're writing, I can see that you are already well on your way.

I have similar experiences with understanding how to navigate and operate the world - except for humans. The difference between them and all of the other systems is that humans are emotional and often not rational or even predictable. And yet, we love them and want to connect with them in meaningful ways.

Ultimately, I think your final question is where the answer lies. We have to find the balance where we are safe and comfortable being ourselves and surrounded by people who love and appreciate us as we are.

I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and feelings here. I know it helps a lot of us who have similar life situations.

Keep digging within. Wherever it takes you, I believe it pays off.

Love,
Pema

Managed to get my fingers stained using  urethan sealer, I wore gloves but it was cleaning up that did it. It will wear of but takes a few days! Getting on well with the Austin hot rod build, Nick is helping me tomorrow to fit the last 2 bits of glass and some other stuff. Hot rod club meet tomorrow, burger and chips time!!

Quote from: MsLeigh on June 23, 2025, 10:40:56 AMMaybe the question is why do I put so much stake in others thoughts?...hummm.

You will get there. I was that way, too, for a long time. What it boiled down to was confidence in myself. Eventually, the strangers I encountered meant nothing to me, so their thoughts meant even less. I may never see them again in this lifetime, so why worry about them? If they have a problem with me, it is THEIR problem. My life goes on without them.

Over time, this built up to the point where I felt the same way about unsupportive family members, even to the point of standing my ground while they made rude comments directly to my face. I love to counter them with, "I understand your feelings, but as a Christian WOMAN, I forgive you and I still love you whether you agree with my life or not. Judge not and ye shall not be judged." Some of them have not spoken to me since. Good riddance. I don't need their negativity in my life.

Good luck, Leigh. You'll get there. It just takes patience... with others and with your own progress.

Hugs!

Quote from: davina61 on June 23, 2025, 11:47:18 AMManaged to get my fingers stained using  urethan sealer, I wore gloves but it was cleaning up that did it. It will wear of but takes a few days! Getting on well with the Austin hot rod build, Nick is helping me tomorrow to fit the last 2 bits of glass and some other stuff. Hot rod club meet tomorrow, burger and chips time!!

Burgers are one of my favorites. A great treat after a rewarding day when you accomplished something.

Leigh