How To Deal With Grief As A Guy

[Adrian26]

Then if you want out and to 'un-f' it, perhaps it's time to question it, accept it's not how it goes and take control of your destiny?

Idk girl. I've always had the kindest of "it don't really matter what we do here. We all gonna end up in a box"

[TanyaG]

Idk girl. I've always had the kindest of "it don't really matter what we do here. We all gonna end up in a box"

Most surely we do, but it doesn't mean we don't get to enjoy all the stuff in between now and ending up in that box. I'd suggest you've got enough now to take to a therapist and make your life work for you and not leave it in the hands of fate, or your family, neither of which are necessarily giving you the best steer on this one?

Look at it this way, you already decided you are trans and didn't let your family stop you doing that, so why let them have any control over this? You've already done things off your own initiative which say you do think it matters what you do here.

[Adrian26]

Most surely we do, but it doesn't mean we don't get to enjoy all the stuff in between now and ending up in that box. I'd suggest you've got enough now to take to a therapist and make your life work for you and not leave it in the hands of fate, or your family, neither of which are necessarily giving you the best steer on this one?

Look at it this way, you already decided you are trans and didn't let your family stop you doing that, so why let them have any control over this? You've already done things off your own initiative which say you do think it matters what you do here.

Yeah. It's just what I'm telling myself as I'm trying to figuring everything out

[Sephirah]

I apologize in advance if anything is misspelled, I can't really see anything rn. This past weekend I sadly lost my partner. Ad of right now I haven't really registered it or dwelled on it too much. I don't know how to grieve her and begin healing. Was hoping for some advice

Grief is different for everyone, Adrian, and we all deal with it in different ways. I am so, so sorry. If there's anything you need, you know where I am, okay?

I want to say a little something about this, if it's okay:

There ain't no changing what happened and there ain't no use in crying about it.

You're right and you can't change what happened, but you are wrong in there being no use in crying about it. Doesn't matter who you are and how you identify, we all have a pressure release valve for when things get too much. As an ex-military lass I have seen the most stoic and strong willed guys break down in tears when they lost a buddy. Not immediately... there is a kind of unwritten thing that you have to be strong and be there to support others, to not show emotion. And there's a sort of emergency self defence mechanism we all have to try and protect us from feeling hurt. A psychological anaesthetic.

But that doesn't mean it's not there, and that getting it out isn't good for you, Adrian. Even if no one sees it. And sometimes the hardest part about grief is the feeling that we can't express it. Take it from someone who has lost most of their family and a bunch of people important to me. It doesn't get easier. Part of grief is the knowledge that it's okay to process these emotions you don't want to deal with. To feel them, and to express them. There is no shame in it, no... judgement. Loss is hard. Whoever you are. And we all have the same mechanisms to cope with them, however easy they are to access.

Give yourself time, okay? Time to come to terms with it. Time to be okay in being affected with it. And time to find the right moment to let it out. Even if it's just to yourself. It is okay to cry. It's okay to shout, to scream, to rage, to vent. To just release the pressure you feel inside. Even stoic dudes like you are, hon. It's okay.

I believe in you. Hang in there okay? *massive hugs*

[Adrian26]

Grief is different for everyone, Adrian, and we all deal with it in different ways. I am so, so sorry. If there's anything you need, you know where I am, okay?

I want to say a little something about this, if it's okay:

You're right and you can't change what happened, but you are wrong in there being no use in crying about it. Doesn't matter who you are and how you identify, we all have a pressure release valve for when things get too much. As an ex-military lass I have seen the most stoic and strong willed guys break down in tears when they lost a buddy. Not immediately... there is a kind of unwritten thing that you have to be strong and be there to support others, to not show emotion. And there's a sort of emergency self defence mechanism we all have to try and protect us from feeling hurt. A psychological anaesthetic.

But that doesn't mean it's not there, and that getting it out isn't good for you, Adrian. Even if no one sees it. And sometimes the hardest part about grief is the feeling that we can't express it. Take it from someone who has lost most of their family and a bunch of people important to me. It doesn't get easier. Part of grief is the knowledge that it's okay to process these emotions you don't want to deal with. To feel them, and to express them. There is no shame in it, no... judgement. Loss is hard. Whoever you are. And we all have the same mechanisms to cope with them, however easy they are to access.

Give yourself time, okay? Time to come to terms with it. Time to be okay in being affected with it. And time to find the right moment to let it out. Even if it's just to yourself. It is okay to cry. It's okay to shout, to scream, to rage, to vent. To just release the pressure you feel inside. Even stoic dudes like you are, hon. It's okay.

I believe in you. Hang in there okay? *massive hugs*

It's just...it feels like everything is falling apart at the same time. And everyone says that the relationship isn't valid and that she didn't matter enough to be crying over. And then others are saying that the anger isn't good and that I should ignore that part

[Sephirah]

It's just...it feels like everything is falling apart at the same time. And everyone says that the relationship isn't valid and that she didn't matter enough to be crying over. And then others are saying that the anger isn't good and that I should ignore that part

Yeah... forget what other people are saying, okay? They weren't in your relationship. They don't know you, didn't know your girlfriend, and are frankly talking out of the hole better left for bathroom excretions.

The only people who matter, whose feelings matter in all this... is you and your little girl.

Anger is natural. Sadness is natural. What you feel is natural. No one has really any say in this and people who think they do should really know when to shut the hell up. In my humble opinion. Don't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes.

[Adrian26]

Yeah... forget what other people are saying, okay? They weren't in your relationship. They don't know you, didn't know your girlfriend, and are frankly talking out of the hole better left for bathroom excretions.

The only people who matter, whose feelings matter in all this... is you and your little girl.

Anger is natural. Sadness is natural. What you feel is natural. No one has really any say in this and people who think they do should really know when to shut the hell up. In my humble opinion. Don't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes.

Ayy dios mio mi hermana loca. You're absolutely correct about that, but it's hard to remember that what I feel matters when it feels like I'm drowning

[Sephirah]

Ayy dios mio mi hermana loca. You're absolutely correct about that, but it's hard to remember that what I feel matters when it feels like I'm drowning

As ex-navy, I know how to swim. I rescued my little bro when he was drowning, I can do the same for you. <3 It will be okay, Adrian. You have people around you who care, and who see you. Hold onto that okay? Like a life ring. You will get through this, both of you. Just hang in there.

[Adrian26]

As ex-navy, I know how to swim. I rescued my little bro when he was drowning, I can do the same for you. <3 It will be okay, Adrian. You have people around you who care, and who see you. Hold onto that okay? Like a life ring. You will get through this, both of you. Just hang in there.

Yeah