Annika, I always dreamed of being a farmer. I wanted to spend as much of my day with plants and soil and worms as I possibly could. I never had the confidence that I could succeed and survive doing it, and I also worried that if I *had* to do it I might not love it as much.
I can't say I regret that I didn't take the risk. I've had the opportunity to spend a lot of my time doing those things and, in the process, built a life where now I can do it as much as I want. But I still admire and even envy people like you who integrated their love of nature with their very survival - and that of others.