Trans with DID

[Adrian26]

I have DID (dissociative identity disorder) and I have alters who are cis as well as ones who are trans like myself. I feel less trans because of it. I know I'm "just as valid as anyone else" but it feels like I'm not because of my did. Any advice? And if you also have DID alters who are cis then how do you manage it?

[Mrs. Oliphant]

When I was much younger, I experienced fugue states similar to DID but they were generally lumped together under a seizure disorder diagnosis (which, for whatever reason, substantially resolved during my 30's). I'm not aware of a correlation between DID and gender variance (except as you've already noted adding 'alters' may increase gender variant probabilities). Maybe TanyaG can add something of value to the discussion but, if nothing else, it piques my curiousity. For you, the question is far less academic. I wish you all the best, Adrian, in managing alters while embracing your variance.   

[Zoey Addisyn]

My girlfriend has DID and some of her alters present as masc leaning. She (the host) is very high femme with Sapphic attractions. All I can do is give her and her "parts" a safe space to explore her relationships with herself and her gender identities from a loving place without judgment. Other than her therapist, I am the only one in her life who knows she has DID. I understand how complicated living with DID can be. If you ever want to chat in a less public space please DM me.

[Adrian26]

My girlfriend has DID and some of her alters present as masc leaning. She (the host) is very high femme with Sapphic attractions. All I can do is give her and her "parts" a safe space to explore her relationships with herself and her gender identities from a loving place without judgment. Other than her therapist, I am the only one in her life who knows she has DID. I understand how complicated living with DID can be. If you ever want to chat in a less public space please DM me.

Only two people know about my DID, my daughter and a close friend, and I don't exactly know what to make of it. I(the host) am trans and know that fully, yet the others aren't all trans themselves. The ones who are aren't all transmasc either. It just makes me feel like the body as a whole is just a jambled mess.

[TanyaG]

Dissociation is a basic protection mechanism that's probably found throughout the animal kingdom, basically as an insulation from trauma, physical or psychological. So trans people are at quite high risk of DID, because we experience so much discrimination and also because most of us have at least some degree of internalised transphobia, whether we're aware of it or not. The dissociation is a response to our continuing mental trauma.

So it's complicated but understandable and in a way almost rational. It tends to be most frequent in people who've either been subject to more rejection than 'normal,' people who've repressed their suspicions they are trans, or people who grow up in highly gendered environments.

I'm not sure if that helps, but it's also why some people experience the kind of fractional DID Adrian's talking of.

[Zoey Addisyn]

Only two people know about my DID, my daughter and a close friend, and I don't exactly know what to make of it. I(the host) am trans and know that fully, yet the others aren't all trans themselves. The ones who are aren't all transmasc either. It just makes me feel like the body as a whole is just a jambled mess.

Have you talked to a therapist about your DID? My girlfriend has one that specializes in DID and it has helped her understand what is happening in her head better. I also recommend checking out the YouTube channel "DissociaDID" (I'm not allowed to post links but if you search youtube it will pop up).

[Adrian26]

Dissociation is a basic protection mechanism that's probably found throughout the animal kingdom, basically as an insulation from trauma, physical or psychological. So trans people are at quite high risk of DID, because we experience so much discrimination and also because most of us have at least some degree of internalised transphobia, whether we're aware of it or not. The dissociation is a response to our continuing mental trauma.

So it's complicated but understandable and in a way almost rational. It tends to be most frequent in people who've either been subject to more rejection than 'normal,' people who've repressed their suspicions they are trans, or people who grow up in highly gendered environments.

I'm not sure if that helps, but it's also why some people experience the kind of fractional DID Adrian's talking of.

Thanks for explaining! I didn't know how to word it. It's nice to know that some people go through the same thing

[Adrian26]

Have you talked to a therapist about your DID? My girlfriend has one that specializes in DID and it has helped her understand what is happening in her head better. I also recommend checking out the YouTube channel "DissociaDID" (I'm not allowed to post links but if you search youtube it will pop up).

I haven't told a therapist about it. And I'll be sure to look into that channel!!

[Adrian26]

Ok so I kinda told the gang and apparently everyone wants to front and get to know everyone bc y'all seem nice to them. If anyone doesn't really like that then please let me know before I let anyone talk on here because everyone is very excited

[Zoey Addisyn]

Hi everyone!!!

[Adrian26]

Hi everyone!!!

heyyyyy 👋👋

[TanyaG]

Thanks for explaining! I didn't know how to word it. It's nice to know that some people go through the same thing

It's uncommon generally, but there are certain groups of people where if someone doesn't have it, I've almost felt like asking why not, if you know what I mean? So from my POV everyone's welcome.

[Adrian26]

It's uncommon generally, but there are certain groups of people where if someone doesn't have it, I've almost felt like asking why not, if you know what I mean? So from my POV everyone's welcome.

Well thanks, Adrian was worried y'all wouldn't necessarily like us

[Annaliese]

Well thanks, Adrian was worried y'all wouldn't necessarily like us

It will be a pleasure to get to know all of you eventually. 🤗

[Sarah B]

Hi Everyone

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is a way the mind responds to intense stress.  When faced with severe trauma, separate identity states, or alters, can emerge.  Each of these alters has its own unique memories and emotions but they all share the same body and life.  For instance, if one alter identifies as male and another as female, it may lead to confusion about which identity is the "real" one.  However, it's important to recognize that every alter is valid; each one developed to protect the individual.

Therapy plays a crucial role in understanding DID and exploring any questions related to Gender Identity (GI).  A compassionate therapist can facilitate conversations between you and your alters, help you sort through your feelings about GI, shed light on what those feelings mean and teach you practical coping skills for dealing with life's challenges at home or school.

If you are using family insurance, you can request some private time during sessions with your therapist.  Professional ethics usually protect discussions of sensitive topics, meaning your therapist won't share details with your parent unless there's an immediate safety concern.  This confidential environment is vital for exploring your GI while addressing the needs of your various alters in a supportive way.

When I transformed my own life, I was so caught up in managing practical details like work, housing, paperwork and daily chores that I did not have the time to ponder every potential "what ifs," "what's next," or even "what feels right."  Keeping busy prevented me from dwelling on doubts, allowing me to move forward with my new life.

Having a full schedule, whether it's through studying, volunteering, or playing sports can offer similar relief today by keeping your focus on the present.  Pursuing education will not only enhance your life in the long run by opening doors to new opportunities but also help build your self-confidence.  With consistent professional support and an active lifestyle, the lingering question of "What now?" can morph into manageable next steps that align with your situation and values.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Adrian26

[Lilis]

Hi Everyone

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is a way the mind responds to intense stress.  When faced with severe trauma, separate identity states, or alters, can emerge.

Therapy plays a crucial role in understanding DID and exploring any questions related to Gender Identity (GI).  A compassionate therapist can facilitate conversations between you and your alters, help you sort through your feelings about GI, shed light on what those feelings mean and teach you practical coping skills for dealing with life's challenges at home or school.

Thank you, Sarah! 💗


~ Lilis 🫂

[Adrian26]

Hi Everyone

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is a way the mind responds to intense stress.  When faced with severe trauma, separate identity states, or alters, can emerge.  Each of these alters has its own unique memories and emotions but they all share the same body and life.  For instance, if one alter identifies as male and another as female, it may lead to confusion about which identity is the "real" one.  However, it's important to recognize that every alter is valid; each one developed to protect the individual.

Therapy plays a crucial role in understanding DID and exploring any questions related to Gender Identity (GI).  A compassionate therapist can facilitate conversations between you and your alters, help you sort through your feelings about GI, shed light on what those feelings mean and teach you practical coping skills for dealing with life's challenges at home or school.

If you are using family insurance, you can request some private time during sessions with your therapist.  Professional ethics usually protect discussions of sensitive topics, meaning your therapist won't share details with your parent unless there's an immediate safety concern.  This confidential environment is vital for exploring your GI while addressing the needs of your various alters in a supportive way.

When I transformed my own life, I was so caught up in managing practical details like work, housing, paperwork and daily chores that I did not have the time to ponder every potential "what ifs," "what's next," or even "what feels right."  Keeping busy prevented me from dwelling on doubts, allowing me to move forward with my new life.

Having a full schedule, whether it's through studying, volunteering, or playing sports can offer similar relief today by keeping your focus on the present.  Pursuing education will not only enhance your life in the long run by opening doors to new opportunities but also help build your self-confidence.  With consistent professional support and an active lifestyle, the lingering question of "What now?" can morph into manageable next steps that align with your situation and values.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Adrian26

We're definitely keeping busy, but we'll hopefully start therapy in a year once we're more settled in what we actually need and want

[Adrian26]

It will be a pleasure to get to know all of you eventually. 🤗

I'm sure we'll all get to know y'all eventually!!!!

[Adrian26]

So apparently y'all know about Adrian and us so here goes nothing. I'm Dominic, I'm 18 and dating Adrian, I'm also in the system. I love him, but I don't know how to make him feel seen and like he's a guy to me and not just his body. He's always in baggy clothes and putting a pillow in front of his chest because he doesn't like it. I think he's the most handsome man ever and I tell him that constantly, but he just doesn't believe it. How do I support him during his transition?

[Amanda500]

Hi Adrian and Dominic! We are also a system. I am Amanda. On this publicly viewable site, we call our host Maleme instead of our male birth name that he uses. We also have a little who calls herself Sheila. We hope to meet the others of you soon.

We have not been as active here for a while as we were dealing more with the trauma and DID and less with our transness. Over the past 10 years, we have been sorting in therapy out how much is trauma and how much is gender that we would have if the trauma did not happen.

Managing dysphoria and the different gender-related needs between us is indeed a challenge which falls mostly on me as the one who handles emotional things for the system and is the mediator between the others. This is particularly hard on Maleme who took a long time to accept our transness. He hoped so much that everything was a trauma response like wanting a different body because we would have not to feel the pain and other things that could be cured with therapy.

As Sheila finally felt safe enough around Maleme, she started talking about herself and told us her name which really surprised Maleme. Hearing how she tried to tell our parents we are a girl around 4 or 5 and was so scared by their reaction that she hid away hit Maleme in the gut. We knew Sheila carried most of the shame and the most traumatic memories, but did not realized how much more dysphoric she is than me-Amanda.

One of the key ways we handle all of this is making time for each of us to be onstage (our image for fronting). We usually have some time to wear dresses or skirts and blouses most days which requires negotiating with our wife who is tolerant, but not accepting. Sheila takes care of our cat and we make time for knitting and other crafting for her.

Having to go back into the office most workdays has been rough. We are out to our immediate boss who has a trans daughter, but not to others there. We make time where Maleme can give up being downstage for short breaks. Sheila in particular needs this as seeing women wearing things Sheila and I would like to wear makes here extremely jealous. She needs a minute to self-talk about how much she wants to be in a dress and be in a female body.

But, above all, we need to be gracious towards each other which has been difficult for Maleme.