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Do You Call Your Childhood Self a Boy, a Girl, or Something Else?

Started by Arch, Yesterday at 01:09:48 AM

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Arch

Regardless of whether my audience knows about my past, I use neutral words to refer to my childhood. I don't use gendered pronouns at all--avoiding them is easy because I'm talking about myself--and instead of calling myself a girl or a boy, I say something like "when I was little" or "when I was nine" or whatever.

If I have to use pronouns, though, I use he/him/his because as far as I am concerned, I was a boy back then even if nobody knew it. I mean, if I had ever been a girl at all, EVER, I would not have needed to transition in the first place, would I? I transitioned BECAUSE I was a boy already and wanted to be perceived as one by everyone else.

How do you refer to your past self? What's your rationale, especially if you think of yourself as always having been a girl (if you are MTF) or a boy (if you are FTM)?

I'm particularly curious now because I've begun seeing a new therapist who uses "little girl" and female pronouns to refer to my past self. He has done it twice now, and he is well aware that I find it hurtful. I'm not sure why he does it, but he is not queer, nor does he specialize in gender identity issues. I'm thinking that maybe he hasn't seen things from my perspective. Anyway, I'm planning to talk to him about it soon, but I'd like a bit more ammunition for my perspective before I do.
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MaryXYX

If it was in a context where I was stealth I would avoid gendered pronouns or names.  With the counsellor I am seeing now I refer to "My history" or "Mary's history", or for earlier times "His history" or "John's history".  I was living as male for 60+ years so that is a major part of my memories.

Sarah B

Hi Arch

Like you Arch, I'm the same when discussing my past even in front of my family.  It is: "When I was little," "when I was four or five," or something similar.  That is how I talk about myself to family or friends who don't know.  If I have to use pronouns I will use her or she, as they are the most common pronouns.

Why? Because I have always been a female.  Even a childhood memory tells me that I was a female (I just made the connection recently).  Even before I changed my life around I never referred to my gender, not that I can recall doing so.

I have been using those pronouns since 1989. Twenty-one years later, in 2010, I realised I was a female after joining Susan's, yet even then I rarely had to refer to my gender except on forms.

I still do not express my gender outside Susan's. There is no other rationale; using any other pronouns would feel foreign to me.

In the case of a therapist, if I were seeing one and discussion revolved around my medical condition, I would ensure they were a 'gender specialist' and I would insist that they use the right pronouns.  I would feel extremely uncomfortable if they did not.  If they persisted, then I would seek another therapist.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Arch
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.

Allie Jayne

I knew I was different to those around me at 4 years old, and I couldn't identify as a boy or girl, so I have just been me all my life. When I talk about my childhood I simply don't use sex terms, and even now, I only use trans female to avoid questions and confusion for those in a binary mindset. If a therapist referred to my child self in binary terms I would correct them. I lived as me, with an obvious female side when I presented as male, and an obvious male side since I have presented as female.

Hugs,

Allie

KathyLauren

When I refer to my childhood, I usually say, "When I was a kid,..."  It works in most contexts, and it avoids both misleading and disclosing.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2020-03-11 GRS; 2020-09-17 New birth certificate

Devlyn

Boy. A smaller than average boy who developed a quick fuse and a drinking problem, but all boy.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

CosmicJoke

Quote from: Arch on Yesterday at 01:09:48 AMRegardless of whether my audience knows about my past, I use neutral words to refer to my childhood. I don't use gendered pronouns at all--avoiding them is easy because I'm talking about myself--and instead of calling myself a girl or a boy, I say something like "when I was little" or "when I was nine" or whatever.

If I have to use pronouns, though, I use he/him/his because as far as I am concerned, I was a boy back then even if nobody knew it. I mean, if I had ever been a girl at all, EVER, I would not have needed to transition in the first place, would I? I transitioned BECAUSE I was a boy already and wanted to be perceived as one by everyone else.

How do you refer to your past self? What's your rationale, especially if you think of yourself as always having been a girl (if you are MTF) or a boy (if you are FTM)?

I'm particularly curious now because I've begun seeing a new therapist who uses "little girl" and female pronouns to refer to my past self. He has done it twice now, and he is well aware that I find it hurtful. I'm not sure why he does it, but he is not queer, nor does he specialize in gender identity issues. I'm thinking that maybe he hasn't seen things from my perspective. Anyway, I'm planning to talk to him about it soon, but I'd like a bit more ammunition for my perspective before I do.

I've actually been starting to ponder this myself. I am MtF but I have been starting to ponder the fact that I have always been a girl even before I "became a girl."

Sure, I grew my hair longer and started wearing dresses and makeup. I even grew breasts from estrogen therapy.

Despite all that, I was a girl. Maybe I wasn't expressing my femininity because of oppression by society, but that didn't make me less female.

I think you're completely justified in your perspective.

Dances With Trees

A most compelling question, Arch! My first memory related to gender was wearing one of my older sister's dresses (four years old). My second memory (five years old) is asking the neighbor girl to marry me. We sealed our engagement with a kiss. I think my early awareness of gender was in constant flux until scripting (as TanyaG eloquently describes) turned me into a 'boy'. Like so many of those who responded, I tend to refer to my childhood in gender neutral terms.
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Devlyn

I'm just going to add that I don't want to have to force myself into a careful presentation of my memories. When I speak of the past, I am just recalling the events as they were.

I hung out with the boys. I went to vocational school, which in my day was attended by 99.99% male students. I joined the military in a combat arms MOS (16P for the curious), again in a time when that was strictly off limits to women. I worked in a foundry, at a time when women didn't.

I enjoy all of those memories. I just talk about them, and frankly if it isn't clicking for someone, I just say "That was before I transitioned".  :)

Hugs, Devlyn
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