Family Matters 101

[Russ]

Hi again,

I would like to ask a question that is not an issue right now but it has crossed my mind and I know that I will have to deal with it, sooner or later.

How do I explain to my family that I am with a ftm partner?

I come from a very, very conservative background. My family still haven't accepted the fact that I am gay, and although we don't argue about it anymore it's still a very sensitive issue.

How does one get past the pre-conceived ideas? How far can one go in explaining what is going on without violating your partner's privacy? Is there a point where it's better to give up trying to win them over? Toni has been passing quite comfortably as a man for years, in that case, is it necessary to tell them at all?

On the lighter side of things, since transitioning will effectively turn us into a straight couple, I can already hear my family say "We always **told** you that you just needed to meet the right man!"

Take care,



Rusulka

[stephanie_craxford]

Hi again,

I would like to ask a question that is not an issue right now but it has crossed my mind and I know that I will have to deal with it, sooner or later.

How do I explain to my family that I am with a ftm partner?

I come from a very, very conservative background. My family still haven't accepted the fact that I am gay, and although we don't argue about it anymore it's still a very sensitive issue.

How does one get past the preconceived ideas? How far can one go in explaining what is going on without violating your partner's privacy? Is there a point where it's better to give up trying to win them over? Toni has been passing quite comfortably as a man for years, in that case, is it necessary to tell them at all?

On the lighter side of things, since transitioning will effectively turn us into a straight couple, I can already hear my family say "We always **told** you that you just needed to meet the right man!"

Take care,



Rusulka

Getting past those preconceived ideas is a tricky one as they may also see it as you wanting to change their belief system.  Not easy at the best of times.  Explaining to your family that you are with a FtM I would imagine would be similar to that FtM explaining to their family who and what they are.

There is a link here and here in the Wiki that may help you with your situation.  It is geared to a transsexual coming out at work and to their parents but it will give you some insight on what it could involve in your particular situation.  Read through it and see if it is of any help.

In the meantime I'm sure that there will plenty more advice on the way.

Chat later

Steph

[Dennis]

I would say it's entirely up to you whether you tell them or not. Unless there's a risk that they'll find out and feel hurt that you didn't tell them. It might be an idea to let them get to know Toni as a person first so they get to like him as him rather than seeing him as a stereotype first off.

Dennis

[spike]

I was faced with a similar dilemma. My fiancée asked me not to tell my family and I agreed. They may never need to know. People in general are recognizing him as a man. What does your partner think? I was told I may have saved myself a lot of unnecessary heartache (by not mentioning his formative years to them).
Ultimately it is up to you two. Cheers Spike