Michelle, your post would be a good example in my mind of utilizing the plumbing as the basis for the "orientiation" label. You are a male (physically) with a gender identity of female. You like women sexually and emotionally. I would "label" you as a hetero male (physically) with a female gender identity (emotionally).
I fear that this statement could offend some people, but it is not meant as such. And if this statement causes offense I believe it would be based on the statement I made previously regarding stigmas attached to the words gay/straight, male/female, and the psychological attachments we have placed on them. The problem I see is that so many of us are so confused by our sexual and gender identities, primarily due to the cultures we live in, and in an effort to make our reality seem normal to that society, we try to twist words and semantics to make everything seem normal, instead of making the reality normal.
If you were to transition Michelle, I would then change your sexual orientation to gay/lesbian. You would physically be a woman who identified as a woman who preferred woman romantically. Until that time, to use any other label only confuses the matter.
Somehow I feel it would be healthier for all of us in the long run, if we were more accepting of our own situations, especially if we have any desire of society of ever doing the same. In my case I would say that am a bi-sexual male (physically) with a partial female identity (emotionally). Is this more confusing to society, especially when I presenting in a feminine form? Yes. But it is the reality. I am a physical male with many feminine qualities.
Perhaps there would be less dysphoria in our community if we could learn to accept ourselves for who we are, the real selves, no matter how discombobulated that seems in everyday society. Ed Wood comes to mind as someone who knew who he was and labeled himself as such.
Know that I understand there are many gray areas when it comes to how we actually feel on the sexual and gender spectrums. I know that there are many crossdressers, that for any number of reasons, who will not transition, but in their hearts would prefer to be the opposite sex. These are the people I do not wish to offend or heap any more confusion onto. But this topic stems from the idea of being "labeled" and how to identify oneself. For those that wish to be the opposite gender, but will not end up transitioning, the reality still remains that you are your birth gender (physically) but feel and present as the opposite gender. The problem with using the sexual orientation labels as I have proposed, to my mind, is only because of the stigma we have placed on them, due to our own confusion. If crossdressers could proudly say in ordinary society, I am a man/woman who has a feminine identity, I feel as though so much confusion and dysphoria would melt away.
And it is this kind of thinking that could lead to a society where physical gender becomes a truly separate identifying factor from mental/emotional identity, and even stylistic identity (the appearance: clothes, mannerisms).
In that world, how you looked would not be locked to how you presented, would not be locked to how you thought/emoted, would not be locked to who you preferred to sleep with.
But then this begs the question (that has been posted in various forms on this site alone): What does it mean to be masculine/feminine or male/female?
Ultimately I only wish everyone the opportunity to find contentment and romance; regardless of how you choose to be labeled.
Find your day well.
