Discomfort, timidity around birth sex peers?

[Nero]

Good afternoon guys and dolls and everyone in between.

It's no secret that I'm terrified of girls.

I was wondering if anyone else has the same issues concerning birth sex peers. My timidity stems from childhood ostracization and abuse by girls. I'm working to remedy the situation though.

So do any of you peeps have the same thing - whether you're TS, Androgynee, or anything else TG under the sun?

I kind of have a theory that TS peeps have more issues with the opposite gender (their birth sex) than do cisgender peeps. For many reasons.

Your thoughts?

[Patroklos]

Girls tend to hate me unless I work really hard to make them love me. I've always been the outsider. Girls use to whisper in the locker room that I was a dyke, even though I obviously liked boys.

So, yes, I have huge issues with them and, unfortunately, don't much like them because of it.

[soldierjane]

Indeed. Probably these stem from the gender conformity that peers press upon us when we are children or adolescents. No trans person is free from a certain degree of dread towards their birth sex. For a TS that stuff usually heals up with transitioning fulltime, in my own experience.

[buttercup]

I guess I would have to say I get on with guys fine, in the sense that I am no threat to them, and I think some don't mind that!  They can actually relax around me without doing the oneupmanship thing!
Of course at the other end of the scale, homophobes and transphobes will just want to smack my head in!!! 
Intelligence goes a long way, and if a guy has got past the caveman stage, they'll be fine with me, and me with them.   
As my appearance is quite androgynous, I am quite feminine but not afraid of my masculine side either, they think I am quite a conundrum!  I find most guys are kind and courteous, and are not out for trouble.  I know I am a genderbender, and I am treated accordingly, with a sense of humour and sensitivity!  \
Of course, I plan to change that as soon as my finances (and with the grace of God) allow me to do so, and I will be seen only as a woman! 

[ambientdischord]

I am very mistrusting and suspicious of men.  When they are loud, muscular, or domineering I have really bad anxiety.  I don't know why, but men pretty much terrify frighten me (excuse the hyperbole), even though I'd love to be in a relationship with a man right now.

I've met plenty of men who are wonderful and sweet, and I know not all men are like that.  But I do have some serious problems around guys.  I tend to only talk to and associate with men who have been introduced to me by someone, because then I know they're safe.

[NicholeW.]

Yes, I'm not certain where all of it comes from, but I am certain there are three main currents for it. Of course, you already know that, my dear, since you read my last blog entry.

BTW, thanks Nero for this thread. It led to that blog entry, started the process of my getting there.

Hugs,

Nikki

[tekla]

I only feel discomfort if there is some sort of sexual attraction deal going on.  That leads to the possibility of rejection, and that is not nice to face.  But I've always been just at home being one of the boys, as well as one of the girls.  Different settings, different rules, different score cards - but if you know that going in, you will be fine either way. 

That being said, I know many (or at least several) women who not having any sort of GID, or sexual issues, just like 'being one of the boys" and do well at it.  Ditto for some guys.

I don't think its a GID thang.

[lady amarant]

Yep. Scared to death of men, mainly because I know what testosterone turns them into. Granted, not all guys are hulking, bombastic, domineering, sex-crazed, ego-driven buggers, but sadly guys who actually know what a guy should be - strong yet gentle, confident in and of himself, brave but modest - those are not so easy to find.

[Pica Pica]

i have no peers. ( )

[Nero]

i have no peers. ( )

Damn - between that and staring in the back of spoons - ego much?

[joannatsf]

I am very mistrusting and suspicious of men.  When they are loud, muscular, or domineering I have really bad anxiety.  I don't know why, but men pretty much terrify frighten me (excuse the hyperbole), even though I'd love to be in a relationship with a man right now.

I've met plenty of men who are wonderful and sweet, and I know not all men are like that.  But I do have some serious problems around guys.  I tend to only talk to and associate with men who have been introduced to me by someone, because then I know they're safe.

I've had unpleasant experiences with men since I've transitioned.  I know I can't judge all men based on my limited experience but it puts me on guard as to there intentions.  I think it's the general insensitivity of many men that bothers me.  Many don't hesitate to tell what ever lie is necessary to get me in the sack.  Most of my male friends are gay so sex isn't an issue.  I've been treated well by natal women and I'm finding myself more and more attracted to lesbians.  I need to trust my partner in a relationship and I have an easier time doing that with other women.

[Purple Pimp]

God, yes.  As a kid and teen I was mocked relentlessly by boys, but more or less accepted among girls.  I have never been comfortable around males, and have always viewed them as strangely "Other."  I just don't "get" them.

Lia

[Pica Pica]

i have no peers. ( )

Damn - between that and staring in the back of spoons - ego much?

or just compensating?

[Nero]

i have no peers. ( )

Damn - between that and staring in the back of spoons - ego much?

or just compensating?

for what?

[Maddie Secutura]

I have no mistrust of men.  I have several male friends and none of them have a problem with me.  Of course I acted relatively normal as far as having to be one of the boys growing up.  When you grow up on a farm, you tend to enjoy playing outside and being generally rough and tumble.  But anyway enough of my life story, I have no problem with males.

[Alyssa M.]

I was wondering if anyone else has the same issues concerning birth sex peers. My timidity stems from childhood ostracization and abuse by girls. I'm working to remedy the situation though.

I was ostracized by boys for the very good reason that we shared almost no common interests. I could care less about baseball and other team sports, GIJoes, violent cartoon shows, fighting/wrestling, and generally running around and acting like a boy. At times I feigned interest in an attempt to "belong" but it just didn't work.

I still don't like playing with the boys: I've heard many women complain about the attitude men have in climbing and other outdoor recreation, and I pretty much share those (way too goal-oriented, not so interested in enjoying the views, overly competitive, always hiking about 1/4 mile ahead, etc.). Well okay, I haven't been hit on by a male climbing partner ... 

So I have male friends, even good ones, but I just don't identify with them all that much ... I'm not sure what you mean to remedy ...

[Wing Walker]

Good afternoon guys and dolls and everyone in between.

It's no secret that I'm terrified of girls.

I was wondering if anyone else has the same issues concerning birth sex peers. My timidity stems from childhood ostracization and abuse by girls. I'm working to remedy the situation though.

So do any of you peeps have the same thing - whether you're TS, Androgynee, or anything else TG under the sun?

I kind of have a theory that TS peeps have more issues with the opposite gender (their birth sex) than do cisgender peeps. For many reasons.

Your thoughts?

I've never had a "gender fear" of anyone.  When I was a "tween" I was a bit timid around girls but after I started high school I had none, just the usual stupidity a teen has.

Wing Walker

[Berliegh]

I have no problem with guys....and no problem with girls......but sometimes I feel uncomfortable in the company of some Transsexuals who I identify less with than the girls or the guys...

[Schala]

I was wondering if anyone else has the same issues concerning birth sex peers. My timidity stems from childhood ostracization and abuse by girls. I'm working to remedy the situation though.

I was ostracized by boys for the very good reason that we shared almost no common interests. I could care less about baseball and other team sports, GIJoes, violent cartoon shows, fighting/wrestling, and generally running around and acting like a boy. At times I feigned interest in an attempt to "belong" but it just didn't work.

I still don't like playing with the boys: I've heard many women complain about the attitude men have in climbing and other outdoor recreation, and I pretty much share those (way too goal-oriented, not so interested in enjoying the views, overly competitive, always hiking about 1/4 mile ahead, etc.). Well okay, I haven't been hit on by a male climbing partner ... 

So I have male friends, even good ones, but I just don't identify with them all that much ... I'm not sure what you mean to remedy ...

Pretty much sums how I feel myself.

I'm slightly more wary around guys than girls, but it's probably not really noticeable. Even though mostly guys have been the ones giving me trouble during school years (all of it), I don't have fear or such associated with guys. I just don't feel we have similar interests often, except maybe chess.

[Pica Pica]

i have no peers. ( )

Damn - between that and staring in the back of spoons - ego much?

or just compensating?

for what?

a deep feeling of inadequacy