Crying

[Aiden]

Every week I picked, though there are times go for a few weeks without crying.  But if I cry once I will probably cry many times in the following few weeks/months.   Usually it's when angery.  I hate crying, but I can't seem to control it

[rockthe40oz]

I cry when I'm pissed off as well as when I'm sad, or happy. It's kind of funny...I've been about to get in a free for all brawl and burst into tears out of rage...

[deviousxen]

Lol... Me too.. Except the sex part. If I found someone cool enough I'd probably cry but it would mostly be sweat I'd think. Lol...


But I dk... I really need a good one soon, but things are finally going okay. For now at least D:

Goodness, when I was in the last spiralling flame-out of my apparently male existence, I had got to where I NEVER cried, or felt much else, either. I genuinely wondered whether i had lost the capacity to feel real joy.

Now, I cry LOTS. And the overwhelming majority of the time it isn't sadness, though it can be. It can be any strong emotion. All my emotions came back, and I love it!!!!!!! Say something sweet to me and I'll cry. Show me something sad or brave and I'll cry. Making love makes me cry. PMS makes me cry lol.

Hey, I love it this way, and I can use up all the tissues I want, they'll make more.

sings: she's a reallllllll emotional girrrrrrl......

Stealth

[Ciarquin]

I very rarely cry. I'm not on hormones yet, but most of the time when I feel like crying my eyes just burn but no tears come. Crying more often would probably be good but I don't seem to be able to.

I got made fun of too and you can teach yourself not to cry... or for me not to FEEL anything... I
was like the ice princess from about 12 on.... really scary because I did not laugh, cry, yell, get
excited or show any emotions really.

I'm still like that. I can't recall the last time I yelled or cried in public. Heck, even when I'm supposed to be enjoying myself, I don't let it show.

It's scary, yeah. I still get surprised at how void of emotion I can be sometimes. I don't let myself show any sign of pshysical pain either.

Someone once remarked that she'd never seen me happy. I had to reflect upon that, and I found that she was right and it scared me.

I'm never angry any more, either. I just feel nothing, show nothing.


~Moi

I was just like that not very long ago. Like a robot, not showing any emotion or pain. Never laughed, cried, got angry, never felt anything at all. When I finally realised and fully accepted who I am without shame, knowing that something could be done, I cried for the first time in years. Slowly I've started feeling more and now I can actually laugh again, though I still don't do it very much. Before I only had crazed laughing fits (I still have those but only when I'm very tired), no real laughter whatsoever.

[Lutin]

"Slowly I've started feeling more and now I can actually laugh again, though I still don't do it very much. Before I only had crazed laughing fits (I still have those but only when I'm very tired), no real laughter whatsoever."

But you are able to laugh again? Can't imagine being able to cry but not to laugh. That would be horrible...

I usually only cry when I get very tired and stressed out and things start getting out of control. Never cried in/because of a movie (though I've certainly come close to it). But yes, if nothing traumatic happens, and if nothing gets out of hand, then I can go for months on end without crying.

[fae_reborn]

I rarely cried pre-HRT, but now I'll cry once a month, and it doesn't bother me because I know it's normal.  Sometimes I cry out of sadness, other times because I'm stressed out and crying serves as a good, healthy release.  When I get really happy about something I'll cry out of joy, and sometimes I cry because of a movie.  If anyone's seen The Notebook you'll know what I mean.  I bawled when I saw that movie.

I feel better after a good cry. 

Jenn

[mr_marc]

Lately, i'm finding it alot hard to cry.
Shed a few tears maybe, but not full on cry.
Its like i stop myself cause i think its a lil...stupid lol.
Though people will disagree with that,
I feel alot more numb than i used too which sucks. Some times i want to cry but i cant, or wont. Who knows.
It sucks but what can yeh do lol.

[Kimberly]

I still cry daily. Heck, I can on demand actually. Sad that it's all sadness though save rare occasions otherwise. But meh, better than being emotionally dead like I was.

[deviousxen]

I'm in need of a good cry but I cant seem to be able to trigger it yet. Crap.

I was REALLY close last night but I feel asleep.

[Lisbeth]

I've been crying a lot in the last couple of months, at two or three times a day.

[Shana A]

I've been crying a lot in the last couple of months, at two or three times a day.

I'm always available to PM if it's anything you want to talk about.

Hugs,

Z

[deviousxen]

I wanna cry in relief partially cause I passed in a vid chat today and people complemented. I also want to cry cause of a crush I have. They are both driving me insane.

[Hypatia]

You look very passable in that pic, xen. I can see why it went so well for you. I'll never forget the first time I realized I passed in broad daylight on the street. I cried tears of joy and relief for an hour afterward. It was my first external confirmation that this whole thing could work after all.

[Aiden]

I wish I would stop crying   I'm sick of crying.  It embarrasses me it tortures me.  How can you feel like a guy inside and yet cry more than most women.  There are times I cry daily, sometimes more than once in the day.  It's like am on this emotional edge, and I keep getting pushed and swinging off and on the edge.  And along with it my temper.  Over last week or 2 all I been able to do is snap at people and cry it seems. 

And other day I was distressed to realize that I hardly ever remember a time I wasn't suffering from at least mild depression, and I wonder sometimes if between that, and the time of month, and my tendency to try to do and worry about to many things at once, just gets to me.  Plus this stupid memory that seems to remember all the pain of the past and bring it up all at once.

[cindybc]

Hi Aiden

Perhaps the fairy tale, "The Princess and the Pea," has a wee tad of validity here.  Might the pea be those things composed of those memories from the past?  If you have deep issues from your past that have not been dealt with, and all you do is just suppress them, they will float back to the surface eventually to haunt you once more.

Depression, pain, and emotionalism will keep coming back to haunt you and no amount of T will change that. What will change it is if you take each of those items from the past, one at at time, and deal with them. Make amends where ever necessary, even if you think that it should be the other person who is the one that should be making the amends. When you make amends, it is to clean your side of the street, not the other person's.  Then you may put these issues to rest once and for all.

Cindy

[Aiden]

It's difficult to do that.  Especially when half the stuff that hurts you you don't remember till your upset.  And there are things, I don't know how you can amend...  things like this instinctive fear of my friends leaving me and not wanting to be around me because of how I am.  I wonder if it is because I've had friends leave me when my body changed to woman or something else.

[cindybc]

Hi, Aiden, I know it's a very tricky situation when it comes to dealing with people. I know I pissed-off a lot of them in my earlier years, and even with the knowledge that I was the one that did the pissing-off I still made amends to them. It's not an easy thing to do. But you will be surprised as to how they react to your making amends with them. They know who was in the wrong so they will either be surprised or even very surprised at your making amends to them.

As for telling any one of your true gender identity, you will get a mixed bag of results. Actually, I was lucky. I never lost any friends, and gained some . Family? Well, I have always said family members are a fickle bunch. Who knows how they will react, but then, this is your life we are talking about and being true TS we suffer GID as a consequence. I had my psychiatrist question me on the first day I went to him and told him my plans.  I was dressed in the proper clothes for the gender my choice.  He asked me if I was certain if I wanted to do this. He reminded me that life is complicated and hard enough to navigate as it is, not to mention the potential dangers to my well-being.

I did not hesitate and I said, "yes!" "I want to be Cindy." Here it is 8 years later and I am still Cindy and I have no plans of quitting on her any time soon.

So, hon, just put a note pad on your dresser or keep it in your pocket or backpack and when something hurtful floats up to your conscious mind write it down. Make a list. It might just be that many of the hurts you have noted where amends can not be done in person, otherwise, they may be released simply by making a note on a piece of paper then burning it in an ashtray.

Cindy         

[Aiden]

Yeh.  Friends already know, but I seem to be to dang sensitive.  I'm on edge still or something.  They tell me they are cool with it and that they accept me, but I dono, it's like I have a hard time believing it.

[cindybc]

The only way to find out is to spend some time with your friends. Simply talk with them about anything you desire and feel them out as to what extent they are willing to go in their interest in talking to you. Eventually you will know who you can talk to about your emotional matters.

For me to share emotions was quite an achievement because for a good many years I repressed them, having come from a a dysfunctional past. I would spend much of my time inside my mind, escaping from reality and creating my own private world within.

So when I came out as Cindy it was such a reprieve to be able to cry on a caring friend's shoulder, releasing much hurt that had accumulated within for so many years. Crying had been foreign experience to me, but it was such a healing elixir for me. I had never known anyone before who would even talk to me, let alone give emotional support. But then, everything in transitioning is not only negative experiences but it also is composed of many wonderful discoveries I had never before experienced.

I believe crying is a wonderful release but if the crying is because of hurting inside then you need to examine what is inside that is causing the hurting. Please do continue to share with me hon, maybe I can help and maybe I can't then maybe all I can do is patiently and interestedly listen.

You may PM me if you wish but perhaps there may be those here who wish to throw their 2 cents' in.

Cindy   

[Aiden]

My problem is not really not talking to people so much as it is finding someone who actually listens without jumping to conclusions 5 words in.  Or finding someone who doesn't claim to understand when they actually don't and are not really trying.  Or even just finding someone who actually cares and doesn't insult me or criticize everything I do. 

So yeh, if I feel I trust someone (who I tend to be to trusting of people sometimes) I will talk to them.  But same time I have this underlining worry that they will be just like the other people who I discribed above.   And still even after talking about it, I don't know why but it still bothers me.