This is kind of dumb, but I have to share it. I have goals in front of me before I transition, but I'm starting to make real progress toward them, and I'm so excited
I went shopping this past Saturday because I've hit the point in my weight loss goal where my jeans are barely staying up, which makes me happy. And as fate would have it, there were a pair of girls jeans sitting on the rack with the men's jeans. And they were in a size that looked like they would fit. I took it kind of as a sign and decided to try them on. I was terrified of doing it, but it was almost like it was too perfect for mere chance so I couldn't ignore it. So I tried them on, and the strangest thing happened to me. I looked at myself, and you know it wasn't perfect, but I think they didn't look too bad. I actually kind of liked what I saw.
I was pretty stunned by the realization. Here I was standing in this dressing room, looking at myself in the mirror, and kind of liking what I saw. It was a completely new feeling, as if I was granted a tiny sliver of self-confidence and that maybe this could work and I could be happy with myself.
It's so simple and insignificant, and it's kind of sad that something like that did so much to my confidence. But, I decided to buy them, and another smaller pair of guy's jeans since I'll probably never wear the other ones anywhere...by the time I'm ready to do that, I'm hoping they won't fit either
Buying them wasn't the best experience, but somehow I made it, and I feel like I've taken a tiny first step.
I woke up Sunday and I was happy that I woke up, for the first time in a long time. And I was happy when I woke up this morning too, even though it was 5am and I was sleepily dragging myself to the gym. At least I know waking up at an ungodly hour is accomplishing something
