This is kind of dumb, but I have to share it.  I have goals in front of me before I transition, but I'm starting to make real progress toward them, and I'm so excited

I went shopping this past Saturday because I've hit the point in my weight loss goal where my jeans are barely staying up, which makes me happy.  And as fate would have it, there were a pair of girls jeans sitting on the rack with the men's jeans.  And they were in a size that looked like they would fit.  I took it kind of as a sign and decided to try them on.  I was terrified of doing it, but it was almost like it was too perfect for mere chance so I couldn't ignore it.  So I tried them on, and the strangest thing happened to me.  I looked at myself, and you know it wasn't perfect, but I think they didn't look too bad.  I actually kind of liked what I saw.

I was pretty stunned by the realization.  Here I was standing in this dressing room, looking at myself in the mirror, and kind of liking what I saw.  It was a completely new feeling, as if I was granted a tiny sliver of self-confidence and that maybe this could work and I could be happy with myself.

It's so simple and insignificant, and it's kind of sad that something like that did so much to my confidence.  But, I decided to buy them, and another smaller pair of guy's jeans since I'll probably never wear the other ones anywhere...by the time I'm ready to do that, I'm hoping they won't fit either
Buying them wasn't the best experience, but somehow I made it, and I feel like I've taken a tiny first step.

I woke up Sunday and I was happy that I woke up, for the first time in a long time.  And I was happy when I woke up this morning too, even though it was 5am and I was sleepily dragging myself to the gym.  At least I know waking up at an ungodly hour is accomplishing something

Great Job Viv!


Its  a great thing to look in the mirror and say "Hmmm.. This can work nicely"

Kate Alice

Thanks Vivian45,
I also have this goal in my head of losing the weight while I figure out who I am. Sexy and slim is where I want to be.
I was at the super store last Friday and I actually had the urge and nerve to pick up a package of panties. I have never purchased a bra or panties but here I was with this urge.
I do like long silky men's stockings but why I wanted these panties and ended up in the women's underwear section was beyond me!
I walked by and looked at the rack from a distance and had to get closer. I noticed right away that womens sizes are a lot different from mens. I saw 3's, 5's, 7's and 9's instead of Small, Medium and Large and could not decide what womans size would fit me. While standing there I noticed a stock lady was coming my way so played it cool and I walked away. She walked past and I returned to the rack and quickly grabbed a size 9.
I slipped the package under the coffee maker I had in the cart and headed for the checkout lane - Oh My!
Being only 6 weeks into my therapy sessions and recently discovering my "inside" girl who I believe I have been all along, I was truly excited! I was excited about a silly package of three panties!
I wasn't sexually excited, I was female excited and this is sooo different for me.
OK, so I found a self checkout lane and thought it was going to work out fine and I would not be required to deal with a store employee. I scanned the panties first so I could quickly place them inside a bag and get on with scanning the other items, pay and leave.
Oh No!
The barcode I scanned was not working and after 7 or 8 attempts, here comes this cute female lane monitor.
Busted!
She asked for the package and to my horror, I actually gave them to her. She looked at both sides and noticed that a label from the original carton used in the receiving department had somehow gotten placed on the package.
Probably the only package on the rack with the wrong barcode on them!!!
She showed me the proper barcode to scan and I quickly scanned the items, paid and left the store.
After I got home I tried on the panties and they were a good fit except for the bulge. I tried tucking and it was better but I could still see signs of that part of me I have hated since I was 6 years old. But boy did I love the feel of those panties against my skin.
To try on a women's pair of jeans over my panties someday will be heavenly.
I don't know why I wanted to share this but it was a lot of fun to buy those panties....

Good on ya, Vivian! 

What you wrote is in no way trivial or silly.  Little bits of confidence gather and grow and as they do, so does your enjoyment of your transition. 

Transitioning can be a horrible experience or it can be a pleasant relief from the grief and pain of having a body gender that is not in agreement with the gender of your mind, heart, and soul.  I prefer to enjoy mine, so I do.

It seems to me that you're doing well so far but if you want to pm me for any reason, please do.  If I can't help you I won't waste your time.

Sincerely,

Wing Walker
Always try it on before you take it home