A Mothers Day to Remember

[stephanie_craxford]

I had written a letter coming out to my Mom and Dad (live in England) last year and they took almost two months to reply to it.  Their reaction and reply were absolutely wonderful, I couldn't have asked for a better outcome.  Anyway since then we have been talking on the phone at least once a month, something we never did in the past.  I got an email from my dad last month telling me that Mom would be flying to Canada to see us and my brother.  I phoned Mom almost right away to tell how happy I was that she was coming over, and she said that it would give her time to get to know her new daughter.  And the tears started.

So this weekend Mom came to visit.  What a glorious visit.  I was so nervous and so was Gill but we shouldn't have been.  Mom got out of the car and we immediately hugged each other my brother was there as well and of course we hugged.  At the house we talked and talked, like we had never talked before.  For my part I explained to her how I had suffered all those years and explained more about me, answering the stream of questions from Mom and my brother.

At one point Mom started to go on about if there was something she could have done to prevent this, if there was something that she had done that could have caused it, but I assured her that there wasn't, and that it had nothing to do with there way she raised me of treated me.  She was genuinely relieved with that.

We relived our lives again, recounting the good times and some of the not so good times.  And all the while she noted that I was so much happier, happier than she had ever seen me in the past.  Of course she was concerned with the relationship between Gill and I and we assured her that we would be staying together, but that there could be a chance that we would separate in the future.  That there would be a possibility that either of us would find someone who could provide that which our current relationship could not.  But if that happened it would be an amicable split.

I reassured her that we (Gill and I) were ok that I was happy, healthy and who I was supposed to be, she replied something like "That's all a mother could hope for."  An incredible visit, an incredible Mothers day, and an incredible Mom.

I'll never forget this day.

Steph 

[Sheila]

Steph,
    That was so nice that your mother flew all the way from England to meet you. I don't remember, were you and your brother getting along? The only thing that would have been better would be that your dad would have come too. I'm so glad that she got to ask you some questions, I know my mom just said that I was here first born and that she didn't care as long as I was happy. She did have some concerns about Pat and I, but I told her we were fine. I know you will remember this one Mothers Day and there will be more to come. I'm so happy for you.
Love Sheila

[stacey]

Stephanie,

Its nice that you were able to spend time with your family on Mothers day.  It was also probably good for your Mom to see you for who you really are, face to face, and ask the questions that have likely been bouncing around in her head since you came out to her.  It truly is a day to remember!



I am happy for you. 


Stacey

[Mario]

Stephine,
   I missed this post. I want to tell you how happy I am for you that things have gone the way they did for you. As I have mentioned before, my mother could not deal with the way I am and therefore was my reason for putting it all off for 17 years and tried to have a live I knew I could not continue till the end. I now feel I have complicated things so much more because I have kids now. My mum has been dead for 3 and a half years now and this is probally another reason I am now going through with what I should have years ago. I just could not bear to hurt her anymore at the time. This is why it is so good that your mother has reacted the way she has. And your father too? I think it is hard for the parents of transsexuals since it is like losing a son or a daughter. As you have told me before the pain you deal with with your own daughter not being able to accept you? Has that changed at all? I still don't know what to fully expect from my own kids after top surgery, which by the way should be done this fall I hope, that is a big change and a big deal I know. I don't know if they will still be able to be around me them. Time will tell. Again, I am so happy for you. Take care.
                                              Marco

[stephanie_craxford]

Stephanie,
   I missed this post. I want to tell you how happy I am for you that things have gone the way they did for you.........
.....I think it is hard for the parents of transsexuals since it is like losing a son or a daughter. As you have told me before the pain you deal with with your own daughter not being able to accept you? Has that changed at all? I still don't know what to fully expect from my own kids after top surgery, which by the way should be done this fall I hope, that is a big change and a big deal I know. I don't know if they will still be able to be around me them. Time will tell. Again, I am so happy for you. Take care.
                                              Marco

Hello Marco.

I did have a sort of break through with my daughter just after Mothers day.  Gill had called our daughter at home and said that I had told her that I had got an email from her (my daughter), and my daughter replied to her, "Yes I sent her an email yesterday and she replied that day".  I almost fell off my chair.  I know it's just a small step but for her to use the correct pronouns when talking about me is huge.  It was the first time that she had ever done that.

It still may take a while for her to see me but maybe this small step will lead to bigger ones.  It is so hard for children that's for sure.  I remember what my daughter told Gill shortly after I came out to her' "It's easy for everyone else, wives and husbands can divorce and put the relationship behind them.  Friends can leave and there is no consequences for them.  But for me, he will always be my dad and nothing will ever, can ever change that."  And she's right, she can love me or hate me, leave, change her name, but I will always be her dad, she can't deny that.

I hope that your children will not take it so hard and come to understand that this is something that we have to do, that we have no choice, and that while we do it for ourselves, it is done so that we can be happy and live our lives the way they were meant to be lived.  Just don't ever stop loving your children.

Steph

[Melissa]

I think lovign your children is more important than worrying about them using the correct pronouns.  I think you have been following that Stephanie and it looks like it's starting to pay off.  I think I'm lucky in that respect, because the 2 children that are biologically mine both call me she, her, and Melissa.

Melissa

[Chaunte]

Hello Marco.

I did have a sort of break through with my daughter just after Mothers day.  Gill had called our daughter at home and said that I had told her (my daughter) that I had got an email from her (my daughter), and my daughter replied to her, "Yes I sent her an email yesterday and she replied that day".  I almost fell off my chair.  I know it's just a small step but for her to use the correct pronouns when talking about me is huge.  It was the first time that she had ever done that.

It still may take a while for her to see me but maybe this small step will lead to bigger ones.  It is so hard for children that's for sure.  I remember what my daughter told Gill shortly after I came out to her' "It's easy for everyone else, wives and husbands can divorce and put the relationship behind them.  Friends can leave and there is no consequences for them.  But for me, he will always be my dad and nothing will ever, can ever change that."  And she's right, she can love me or hate me, leave, change her name, but I will always be her dad, she can't deny that.

I hope that your children will not take it so hard and come to understand that this is something that we have to do, that we have no choice, and that while we do it for ourselves, it is done so that we can be happy and live our lives the way they were meant to be lived.  Just don't ever stop loving your children.

Steph

Steph,

Between your Mom and your daughter ...  I can't think of anything more wonderful.  Congratulations.

Chaunte