Hi everyone.
I think I joined this site over a year ago, but I barely ever posted (if at all) and I don't remember my password or even the email account I set up to join. So I've decided to re-join with a new account (apologies if this is against the rules, if it is, please let me know and we'll figure something out).
Ok.
So, I'm just recently starting to get things settled in my life. My life has been a little bit of a roller coaster, and while I'm not soaring at the top at the moment, things are pretty steady, so I'm happy(happier at least)
So, a little bit about me. I'm 27 years old, born genetically male. All my life I've known I was different and I've coped with it the only way I knew how. Ignore it.
Of course, there were times where it was extremely hard to ignore. Especially when you're on a divergent course, moving away from what you somehow intrinsically know to be your true self. Throughout my life, I've forcibly acted in ways to 'fit' in with who I was expected to be. Why did I do this? Because I thought I had no other option. Well there was
one other option, and I even attempted on more than one occasion.
A few years ago I learned that it was possible to live a life the way I should be. It is possible to transition. So, about a year ago I internally made the decision to transition. There are many many obstacles I still have to face. I am in a long term relationship of more than 6 years. I have confessed (strange, I use words that make me feel guilty) to my girlfriend about how I feel, but not what I want to do. She says she still loves me, but I'm unsure as to how long this will last. I have also talked to my doctor, unfortunately she's not that easy to discuss things with, she's very judgemental. I will look for a different general practitioner soon. Also I am very poor and I do not know if I can financially support myself while going through a transition. I am at a blockade. I will continue but I do not know how. I have no one to talk to. No friends I can confide in. I have always kept myself distant from people. I have always hid my true feelings about everything, but that was part of the coping mechanism I made for myself.
I am hoping to meet friends here. I need people to talk to, people who are non-judgmental. People who can lend a shoulder when I feel crying because I just saw someone my age pushing a baby carriage and I remembered that even in the best of situations, that can never be me. And I need people who I can share my happiness with when I have a good day at school.
So I know this sounds pathetic, but please please, be my friend.
-Floating.
